Worsening mental health in new home

[RumHam]

A bit of background - I've been in and out of the MH system since childhood and my main diagnoses are CPTSD, OCD, panic disorder and agoraphobia.

Me, my husband and our cats recently lived in a bad area of town for almost 10 years. Where we stayed was hellish. Gang trouble, drug problems, violence and don't even get me started on noise trouble from neighbours. All those problems made my MH problems a lot worse and the council moved us recently after a lot of medical evidence.

We moved into our new flat a few weeks ago and it's lovely and it's in a quiet area. Polar opposite to where we stayed. The last block of flats we stayed in was 16 in a block, now it's 4 and we are at the top. Sound/noise has always been a huge trigger for me even as a child and I never realised just how badly sound insulated this block is. I can hear downstairs cough, go to the toilet, watch TV and the worst is when he has a certain friend over, I can hear word for word what she is saying. Hearing those living day noises is fine, it's more the fact that if I can hear them so clearly, they'll hear us even more clearly no doubt since we are on top.

This has led to increased anxiety. I shudder every time my husband speaks or walks because he's loud. I talk almost in a whisper constantly. I panic whenever my cats jump off of something onto the floor and make a noise. The worst is when the cats have their crazy hour in the early morning. I wake up in tears when I hear them because I'm worried it's going to disturb downstairs. I can never get back to sleep after it either so I'm not sleeping well.

All this has led to bad thoughts and actions. Mainly a relapse in my self harming and suicidal thoughts. Then I try and talk to my husband about it and one minute he's like "just chill out, all is fine" and then the next it's "it's your fault, you're the one that wanted to move". I loved my old flat, I just hated the area. Moving wasn't an easy choice for me but I had to. Now I feel like I have more anxiety however, just caused by different reasons than at the last house. I also have feelings of guilt and shame because my thoughts are telling me I'm a bad person because there's people out there waiting a lot longer for a council house and here's me with one and I'm moaning. These thoughts all loop round to bad actions against myself

We have carpets all over the flat and I'm thinking of getting more rugs to help with noise. Even considered ripping up the carpets and getting a soundproof underlay to block some of the noise but it's so expensive and I'd get myself in debt

I've tried talking to family about my sound worries and they say the flat is fine, the neighbour will be used to noise etc. I don't think they realise just how bad my anxiety about it all is at the moment. I took a bad breakdown at the start of the year and I can feel myself slipping back but feel like I won't be entitled to help now that I have a good home, so I shouldn't have anything to worry about now, in people's eyes.

Any advice would be great. I'm going to put an appt on with my doc too. Is it worth asking the council for permission or advice on sound insulation?

Thanks for reading. Take care everyone xx

[Perunatop]

It sounds as though you might benefit from getting out more, going for walks in local park/countryside and perhaps trying mindfulness, learning to like natural noises (birds, wind in trees etc).

[cherryblossomgin]

I could of written this, noise is also one of my triggers, at my old place, I was top floor and as soon as I heard a noise I worried that the neighbor's could here me too and they were angry at me. In reality I was one of the quietest neighbor's in the block. I would panic if the cat made too much noise, especially at night.

I wear headphones most the time, the counsellor called it my coping mechanism. DH watches TV with headphones on too. I have suspected OCD.

Try headphones and also you can buy underlay at wholesale so all you would have to do is take up the carpet and put it under then tack it back down. www.carpet-underlay-shop.co.uk/collections/pu-foam-underlay/products/plushwalk-12mm-carpet-underlay-from-3-05-per-m2

Remember that you are listening for the noise and very tuned into it. I can hear a pin drop in my house. So the actual level of noise is very different.

I also use the Wisdo App for help when I am struggling.

[totallyradllama]

Sound sensitivity can be linked to a fight/flight response(imagine if you were camping in a jungle listening out for danger) Perhaps as you settle in & anxiety reduces the sound sensitivity will decrease too. It's been a big change even if a positive move. Your body just needs to learn that this new place is "safe" & secure.

Do you know if other tenants also find the noise is bad?

Perhaps I'd try temporary measures (?radio on low, white noise machine) to cope until you settle in first rather than going straight for expensive flooring etc. then you can gradually learn to manage without eg the radio.

Are you able to get any more help for anxiety?

[totallyradllama]

Oh sorry I just re read and see you are worried about your noise travelling down. In which case rugs might help but I really wouldn't worry as there must have been a tenant in before you who would have made noise

[cakeandchampagne]

Even a move that goes well is a bit stressful. It’s only been a few weeks & most people take some time to settle in. White noise/tv/music might help. I’m glad you’re in a safer area now. Ten years is a long time to suffer in your own home.

[RumHam]

Thank you all so much for your replies. I can't thank you all enough. I've felt so alone during this move and with these worries. I was worried about posting this thread as well in case I came across as ungrateful, selfish or something. So seriously, thank you all so much :)

@cherryblossomgin our stories are spot on! I sleep with headphones on while listening to TV shows to try and block out not only sounds but thoughts too. Me and my husband watch the TV through headphones too! At least the neighbours won't ever hear music or loud TV from us thanks to that. Been listening to stuff that way for years. We've got a headphone splitter thing so we can listen together at the same time.

I haven't met or spoken to any of my neighbours yet. I do know that the guy downstairs from me is a taxi driver and when he is working nights, I feel a little more relaxed and play with my cats more to try and tire them out before bed but then the next day I try to be extra quiet since he'll be resting. I don't know if any neighbour has a problem with the noise from me or previous tenants. The council never said anything when we viewed the flat.

As for MH help, I feel as though doctors are at a loss with me. I've had ERP therapy, countless CBT therapies, mindfulness based therapy, compassion focused therapy and schema therapy and I'm still just as bad as I am. I went to my CPN last month ago refused to refer me back to the mental health team as I was just discharged in August this year and she said all I was going through at the moment was post therapy anxiety even though I told both her and my psychologist at the time that the therapy wasn't working. My doc hands out sleeping pills, valium etc isn't but I don't want to go down the meds road if I can help it. Was on antidepressants years ago but haven't taken them again after a suicide attempt. Been going down the therapy and self help road since.

Thanks again everyone :)

[RumHam]

Was doing ok for the last few days but now tonight I've took a nose dive. I got about 2 hours sleep last night after our cats fighting woke me up and then I was a nervous wreck after it in case it happened again and woke up the neighbour.

Now my husband has put on our stand up fan for the first time since we've moved in and I'm convinced the neighbours are going to hear and it complain. I didn't feel it was too loud in the old flat since we lived on a main road so always heard traffic going by and the fan blocked out things like that but here is a quiet street so there's nothing to block out. Can't relax and can't sleep. It's amazing what stuff anxiety makes you fear. I wish I didn't get a hoot and just took things as they came instead of worrying about absolutely everything or more often, things that will most likely never ever happen.

Got my doc appt in a few days to see what my next options are in terms of my MH.

Hope everyone is well x

[lisag1969]

If the neighbours don't complain don't worry. I'm sure they know if they can hear you. You can hear them. So they expect some noise. That's how the flats are.