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cant sleep properly, feel like i am in a black hole and cannot stop crying

(31 Posts)
whatsgoingonnow Mon 20-Aug-07 19:26:35

ive name changed for this as embarrassed how bad i am.

since the split with my dh and since realising he is with someone else and that i still love him, i have been in this black hole. i have stopped talking to friends, stopped sleeping properly and just sob and sob all the time til i get constant headaches.
i cant believe i let him go - it was my idea to split and now he is with someone else.
i will never get over this, is know it.

i just dont know what to do to move on and feel better.

whatsgoingonnow Mon 20-Aug-07 19:27:04

i know it

thegardener Mon 20-Aug-07 21:42:29

Invite a friend round for coffee and tell her how you feel, don't put this off

MsG Tue 21-Aug-07 23:16:39

Hi there. I'm really sorry to hear about your break-up. Have you got a close friend you can talk to as thegardener suggests, or a relative maybe?

If you are worried about how you feel, please seek some help from your doctor or contact an organisation who can help you such as Relate, or the Samaritans if you need someone to talk to urgently.

I know it sounds like a terrible cliche but please believe it - time does make all things more bearable.

Wishing you lots of luck and sending you hugs.


pixiella Tue 11-Sep-07 01:30:16

time heals... blah blah it's a cliche i know...but true. i know at the moment it seems like you will never get over it - and that may be true but it will get better.

i had to watch my dp go out with one of my best friends after we broke up and had to see them both alllll the time at a time when i had no-one and was very unhappy being single.

but i learned to be happy and i;ve met someone else and im so proud of myself that i've managed to come through a time where i thought i'd never survive because i was SO unhappy.
I did though---i'm with a wonderful guy now and i would never have met him if i had stayed pining for my old boyfriend. I took some time for myself and the pain does heal..or at least dull.

I knw it sounds cheesy but - if i can do it so can you! lol.

another option is to try and get him back but that's a whole other story! - now there is someone else involved and you don't want to hurt their feelings....
also before you even THINK about telling him that u made a mistake breaking up with him and that you've been wanting him back - you need to calm down and sort yourself out a bit so that you're prepared to hear 'no' if that's what he don't want to come across as the crazy ex-wife!
be calm, and confident and grounded - someone he would want to be with more than the person he's with now) if you know what i mean.

if you ever decided to bring up the subject of getting back together - maybe would be best to wait until he is single (b/c the person he's with now is prob just a rebound?) and the initial sting of breaking up has dulled a bit so you both are more rational.

also good tips to make yourself feel better and try and move to a positive place when you feel down:

excersize(sp?) - yoga, walking.
warm bath
relaxing music
deep breathing - focusing on your breathing and letting all thoughts melt away.
writing a list of all your achievments/things you like about yourself
getting your hair/nails done (pampering)
focusing on something (cleaning,organising)
focusing on setting goals i.e have a shower, walk dog, choose outfit to wear that day.
don't go over and over the details. it's happened now and you can't change it.
don't blame yourself - you broke up with him for a reason right? who's to say it would even work a second time around?
know that each day that goes by you will feel a TEENY bit better even if it's only a miniscule amount.
maybe go on holiday by yourself or with a friend if this is an option.
make a list of all the things that make you happy about the world. think hard! lol.

anyway this is prob all useless advice - feel free to ignore it. im just remembering back to when i felt like you did. xxxxx lots of hugs. you WILL get through this a stronger woman. xxxx

allgonebellyup Sun 16-Sep-07 09:46:56

have changed my name back i am the op

now my ex dh has announced he has got this girl pregnant and they will live together and raise the baby together..he was really upset and sobbing at first when he told me,but seems to be getting over it. ijust cannot take it all in. 5 months ago we were still together and trying to make things work.

im in a state.
threw up when he told me, have been put on ADs by the doc and sleeping pills.
my family have been here all weekend looking after me but soon they will go back to their own lives and i will kill myself.

JustBreathexoxo Sun 16-Sep-07 23:35:29

pixiella way to go you!!!
Gone through similar myself and only have to say read re-read then read again pixiella's post.

Only have this to add its great when your pre-occupied with friends and family it's when your alone your at your lowest... so run with it if your going to cry then cry like you've never cried before cry long hard and loud because your allowed to because your sad because you can theres nothing wrong with it dwell in the tears the sadness the pain and the hurt scream if you need to get it all out fall asleep with your face full of tears and the runniest nose in the world.Then get up in the morning and do what needs to be done leave the pain and hurt on pillow with your tears you have responsisbilities to take care of now.

If you lay down the next night hurt and sad again then cry again and read pixiella's post.It does get easier and you do come out the other side feeling extremely empowered and strong.

Saying your going to kill yourself is degrading! Degrading to you and the people who love you, your stronger than that.
Would you really give your spirit your love your power and strength your life over because of this one man.

Please stay strong remember you are loved and needed in this world im sending you all the good karma I have today I hope it helps.

MrsMarvel Mon 17-Sep-07 00:25:18

I'm so sorry to hear this, and I hope your day was OK.
I don't know you well, but have read history, so I'll do my best to advise.
Choices have been made in your family's life which have had a big impact on you and your body is in some king of shock.

Please be strong for your dc/s. Try to focus on them, try to be one step ahead of everything that you need to do for them.
And I hate to say it, but keep taking the tablets. Things will change. Take care of yourself and your dc/s.

MrsMarvel Mon 17-Sep-07 00:26:22

some kind of shock

allgonebellyup Mon 17-Sep-07 11:30:48

thanks for your messages.

am starting to feel slightly better, because of the ADs i think.

but this situation will never rectify itself.

fawkeoff Mon 17-Sep-07 11:34:30

awww hun i feel so sorry for you, but like you said if the situation isnt going to sort itself out then you need to deal with it in the best possible way, i know it is easier said than done, but things have to get better for you x x x

MrsMarvel Mon 17-Sep-07 13:06:27

This situation will not rectify itself in the sense that it will go back to being the same as it was before. This situation will change and it will get better.

allgonebellyup Mon 17-Sep-07 14:00:25

but how can it get better?

i have to see him every weekend, its not like i can just get on with my life and he can disappear.

And now i have to probably see him and his new baby next year, playing happy families with my son. and my dd is left out of the picture (he is her step dad)

its all such a fucking mess.

lucyellensmum Mon 17-Sep-07 14:03:54

allgonebellyup - im so sorry that you are going through this, im sure we have messaged before. Don't despair, you WILL move on and it will happen without you realising. What you have to do now is concentrate on getting through what are gonig to be a shit few months. Do you have much contact with your ex? I think you should limit it, i know that sounds difficult but you need to get yourself back in control here. Get a rota put together for him seeing the children and make him stick to it, no cups of coffee or protracted guilt ridden conversations. Now you know about the woman you can at least know that your future is not with this man and concentrate on being good to yourself. Force yourself to see friends, take on something new - i know this sounds daft, but its not to late to sign on for a college course, something you enjoy, if thats flower arranging, so be it, if its rocket science,thats good too. That way you will be around a new group of people and it will help you see the new you, who is going to be an independent, fantastic mummy with loads going for her. Amazing how attractive that is, of course, that will be for attracting a new man.

MrsMarvel Tue 18-Sep-07 01:05:36

Try to plan ahead for your dcs. Make their time with you the best time they'll ever have.

Have you asked him if he'll take dsd with him when he takes ds? I think that was one of the issues last time.

allgonebellyup Tue 18-Sep-07 12:54:40

yes i think he still will, but now he has the new baby on the way perhaps he wont have time for her any more. she is already worried he will forget her.
i really dont want to talk to him or text him, but when i leave it a few days he will always start texting me, like he gets a bit of a panic if we have no contact, probably cos he worries about ds.

i did tell him that i had a fling just after we split and he went mad, saying he felt sick and had lost respect for me..???? WTF?
bloody cheek.

allgonebellyup Tue 18-Sep-07 14:02:20

and the ADs are making me feel quite ok at the moment, but in a couple of hours this can all change... was in tears this morn but feel great now...not very constant

lucyellensmum Tue 18-Sep-07 17:23:18

so sad for your dd, you just need to reassure her that you are there for her no matter what, how old is she?

FWIW - my BIL has new baby with new woman, everyone seems frightfully grown up about it. Importantly, the older brother from previous relationship adores his little sister. I guess that might not make you feel much better really, but what i am trying to say is, kids are resiliant and as long as your ex dh involves them both they will be ok with it, even if you have to be through gritted teeth. I really feel for you, i think you are amazing to be able to cope with all this, im not sure i could get out of bed.

allgonebellyup Tue 18-Sep-07 17:59:44

i dont feel like i am coping very well, i have to get out of bed cos i work part time, and if i dont then theres no money coming in.
i do literally feel sick with shock though, and fight my way through tears most of the day.

my family and friends have been great support though, calling and dropping in all the time, they have saved me so far.
still feel like dying though. sad

allgonebellyup Tue 18-Sep-07 18:00:13

dd is 8 and yes i know i have to be there for her.

lucyellensmum Tue 18-Sep-07 19:01:53

are you not getting any benefits to help you out just now? if not, you may well be entitled to them.

You ARE coping, you manage to get out of bed for your job, that is brilliant. In fact i think it is brilliant that you are getting out of bed.

Make it a plan to do something for you, just you every day, your first task, is, if you like reading, is to read this book - The historian, buy someone with a funny sounding name begining with K, Kathryn Kostova or something. Its completely irrelivent to your problems, is a great read, exciting and not upsetting at all, so is great escapism, just suggesting as that is the best book ive read recently and its good to escape into your head sometimes. Read it in a hot bath, with a glass of grape juice, cant have wine cos of the ADs, i knew there was a down part

Keep talking to us pet, your a great mum, you just dont realise it

allgonebellyup Tue 18-Sep-07 20:25:52

aww thanks

jeangenie Wed 19-Sep-07 12:06:01

agbu - how are you doing today? hope the ads are continuing to help...

allgonebellyup Wed 19-Sep-07 14:37:35

feeling ok today..not really happy or high, just kind of more normal i think

MrsMarvel Wed 19-Sep-07 14:40:24

did you have a plan today?

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