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What's happening to me?

(25 Posts)
lovehurts Thu 16-Aug-07 02:01:12

Don't know where to start really,just needed to write it down somewhere.

Am feeling so numb most of the time,angry,depressed.

Just feel I have so many issues and i can't deal with them anymore day to day,am exhausted all the time.

Brief summary-

Am 41 and married with 2 children.
My DS has SN's and am finding it hard to deal with.
Have no support close by to help.
My parents died a few yeras back and lost another close relative soon after.
Have just come back from MIL's where we were treated like S**t and my DS was constantly being criticized.
What little self esteem I had has gone after a week of feeling like a second class citizin and not good enough
DH just says it's my own in sercurties that make me feel like this

Have come back from what was meant to be a holiday feeling wound up and upset that yet again DH's family have got to me.

Just feel tired and tearful all the time,can't cope with the children ,just feel like their is something wrong.

DH keeps saying maybe it's the menopause,i just know I feel worthless,hate looking at myself in the mirror,no motivation,feeling overweight and that I have nothing to look forward to and my children would be better off without me.

I have no strength to discipline the children at the moment and they are running rings round me and then DH keeps criticizing me as well I just feel in the way and that I am getting everything wrong.

Have so many meeting to attend on behalf of DS for his statement and now DH has to be away on buisness for 3 wees at the start of the new term .
This will coincide with meetings and DD's first day at school.

Am not sure I can cope on my own with this as she will no doubt be very clingy and DS has issues with school as well.
What will I do if they both don't want to go ,i am dreading it and so scared for the future.

i am not myself and am worried ,I just feel empty.

lovehurts Thu 16-Aug-07 02:03:46

3 weeks

mamama Thu 16-Aug-07 02:06:48

I'm sorry, lovehurts

It sounds as though you have an awful lot on your plate. FWIW, from what you posted, you sound like a strong woman who has had a lot to deal with.

Is there no-one who could help you with the first day of school issues?

Have you felt this overwhelmed before? Do you think you could talk to your gp about it?

Mhamai Thu 16-Aug-07 02:13:33

lovehurts, It really sounds like you have a lot going on at the moment, have you any good friends to confide in? Do you have practical supports re ds and his sn'ds? Tbh it sounds like your swamped and overwhelmed and tbh your dh doesen't sound very supportive.

Can you make an appt with your gp? I would strongly reccomend going to your gp, have you ever taken anti d's before? I'm sorry I'm firing a lot of questions at you but I'm just trying to get a handle on your situation.

I just want to praise you for taking the courage to do your post in the first place, it really is often the first step to turning things around. I understand if you don't want to go into the ins and outs of everything and tbh, it's quiteb late and I need to be up early but did not want your post to go unanswered.

I just happened to be lurking before I went to bed. I won't be on for much longer but hang in there, you will be amazed at the level of support both personal and practial that you can get here.

lovehurts Thu 16-Aug-07 02:14:51

mamama-I have had anxiety problems in the past but this feels different.

I constantly find myself saying in my head "I can't do this anymore"and breaking down.

Am scared to admit to anyone how I really feel.
DS has an appointment tomorrow with a lady from childrens services and she is very approachable,but am scared to tell her I am not coping with everything.
She comes to see DS and she has offered in the past to help me with meetings etc.

AS for school don't have anyone who could help out.

Am worried she will think I can't look after my children.

My GP has been useless in the past and maybe I should look at changing GP's .

Mhamai Thu 16-Aug-07 02:17:05

<waves to mamama>
ps, I will mail you before the weekend, good old fashioned nosiness as to who you are is getting the better of me!

lovehurts Thu 16-Aug-07 02:22:43

Mhamai-thanks for your reply.

I really should go to bed but can't sleep at the moment .

I have been described anti d's in the past but did'nt take them and DH was'nt keen on me taking them.

DH just feels I bring a lot of things on myself and don't help the situation but I try my best and it never seems good enough.

I have no practical help with DS as such apart from the lady from childrens services who visits once a month to help DS with his problems which she calls complex and I have major guilt that maybe I have caused some of DS's anxities through my own.

I just don't see a way out of the eay I am feeling and no one to tell so I am trapped with these feelings and thoughts .

onlyjoking9329 Thu 16-Aug-07 02:24:34

oh dear you do have alot to cope with and it sounds like you are doing all of the coping alone.
the only things i caan'suggest is to go and see a useful Doctor it sounds like you are depressed and no wonder really.
can you do things a chunk at a time, thats how i do stuff.
What SN does your DS have?
you may find if you post about the SN stuff in the SN section you will gets lots of support. my kids have autism and i know how draining it can be my 3 have statement so i may be able to help you with any questions on that sort of stuff.
deep breaths and small steps is what you need.

mamama Thu 16-Aug-07 02:25:19

I agree, this doesn't sound like just anxiety. You sound very sad {{{lovehurts}}}

I think admitting to yourself that you feel this way is a huge step. Posting on here is another big one. Saying out loud to someone else is a very difficult thing to do but it does sound like you need to do that.

You do have a few options - you could try the same GP again or, as you suggest, try a new one (I think I'd be inclined to do that). I do think some medical advice might be a good idea.

There are also places like the Samaritans who could provide a sympathetic ear for a while or help you out in a crisis. I have used a similar phone line and, although I felt stupid, I think it was the best thing I could have done in that moment. Or, sometimes, just posting on MN is helpful.

I hope your meeting tomorrow goes well. You don;t have to tell the lady anything other than your concerns about DS and the first day of school thing. They are normal parental concerns and will not make her think you are not coping.

In the meantime, can you do something nice for yourself? Take 30 minutes for a nice bath with a scented candle?

mamama Thu 16-Aug-07 02:28:26

Your in-laws sound a lot like mine (well, my ex inlaws) - they spent an awful lot of time subtly putting me down and making snide comments. I hated visiting them as I felt like I was constantly being criticized and would feel awful when we got home. So, you do have my sympathy on that front too.

Did the ADs help you before? The lack of sleep thing is a problem and I really think it adds to the overwhelming feelings. Well, it does in my case, anyway.

Please take good care of yourself. x

<lol @ nosey Mhamai. Waits patiently for said email!>

Mhamai Thu 16-Aug-07 02:31:53

lovehurts, I realy don't want to sound harsh but your dh's attitude is appalling tbh. You are obviusly not coping and he should really be giving you more support not critiscm, if it's any consolation btw, most of us mums fell guilty at one stage or another about passing on anxiety to our dc.

Without sounding to matronish, you really need to start considering your own needs. You say dh for example does not agrre with antid's, is he suffering your symptoms though?

I really would strongly reccomend going to your gp. Don't get me wrong. We are all and will be all here to support you but it does sound like you have reached crisis point. You have been there for everyone else, maybe now it's time to be there for you? I have to go now but will put your thread on my watch list and look out for you. x

Mhamai Thu 16-Aug-07 02:35:57

Night {{{{lovehurts}}}}}} ah go on then night {{{{{{mamama}}}}}} x

lovehurts Thu 16-Aug-07 02:36:36

onlyjoking-thank you for taking the time to reply when I know you have so many worries yourself at the moment.

My DS has speech problems,selective mutism ,sensory issues and also toileting phobias.

He gets so frustrated and very angry and bossy .
He has just startd doing this screaming thing with his fists clenched and and he is worrying me so much.
I have been told anxiety and anger are closly linked.

He does'nt talk at school at all and only to ceratin people in certain situations.
Have just come back from MIL'S who asked nothing about how DS was getting on,or about the statement and constantly got on to him for the way he ate etc and made me feel useless.
Just needed some support,but nothing.

He is still in nappies and has major phobia with the toilet .
He has got an appointment at the hospital with a top paediatrician to check for blockages due to his constipation.

Am frightened for him going back to school and want to make it better for him and hatre putting him in a situation he does'nt like,but I have no choice and it's heartbreaking,no one seems to understand that.

mamama Thu 16-Aug-07 02:37:03

Actually, I wanted to say something similar to Mhamai - I agree that your DH doesn't sound as supportive as I think he should (but what do I know). If meds have helped in the past, it doesn't matter how much he dislikes you taking them. If they help you get better, they are important.

mamama Thu 16-Aug-07 02:39:50

How old is your DS, lovehurts? Is this a new school? Do either of you know what to expect. It must be very difficult for you to let your LO go into what you know will be a stressful situation.

lovehurts Thu 16-Aug-07 02:40:58

Thanks mamama and mhamai-night ,will post again tomorrow.

I must force myself to get some sleep.

Mhamai Thu 16-Aug-07 02:41:20

Juswt one last thing lovehurts are you on the SN threads? If not I really think you would benefit from them, now really am away as I need my beauty sleep and God knows I need it! Once again well done for posting and hang in there your not alone. x

mamama Thu 16-Aug-07 02:42:32

night night you two x

Mhamai Thu 16-Aug-07 02:43:39

Oh and this is my last post but {{{{{{[onlyjoking}}}}}}} night night girls x

onlyjoking9329 Thu 16-Aug-07 02:49:35

thanks folks for your good wishes.i am more than happy to offer any help and support on the SN stuff. it's my specialist subject

Mhamai Thu 16-Aug-07 12:22:09

Hi lovehurts, I have to go out now but wanted to check in to see how you are today. I'll be about later, x

mamama Fri 17-Aug-07 05:02:26

I just wanted to pop back and see how you are...

Mhamai Fri 17-Aug-07 19:56:22


Mhamai Fri 17-Aug-07 19:57:30

Sorry lovehurts, I hit the post message by mistake. Just wondering how you are?

mamama Sat 18-Aug-07 01:24:35

lovehurts, how are you?

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