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Does anyone else feel this way or is it just me - Advice/help wanted!(7 Posts)
I have a 9 month ds who I love dearly and am a full time sahm. I have a partner who works from early morning till bout 6 at night and then the weekends are used seeing the parents and things.
I just feel like my life is at a stand still, I lost all my friends when I fell pg and stopped work and have just moved so feel even more seculded now. Everyday is the same and I find myself going to town and spending money we really dont have, just for something to do and it gives me a boost. Other than that I stay in and try to get over the day as quickly as possible and then it starts again the next day, I love my son and would never want it any other way than me looking after him but I feel there must be more to life for me, hes to young to do lots of things and Ive tried baby groups etc. but feel scrutinised and put down or I think Ive made a friend and then they let me down Im going stir crazy at home.
Sorry for the long post any help gratefully recieved
I often feel like that too. We don't have any family near us and none of our friends have babies yet. I feel like dh gets a break from it during the day cos he's at work. We came to an agreement that DH will take dd for a couple of hours on a Sunday so that I get a little break to do my own thing, he also lets me get a bath or paint my nails etc in an evening.
I also feel quite scutinised at baby groups and I often have to force myself to go just so that I get out of the house. Are there any groups near you that have a prupose (things like baby massage or baby yoga type things) so that everyone is busy focussing on what to do, so you feel less scrutinised? I've found baby massage very good fun.
Also have you tried posting on the meet-ups section on here...there might be other people in your area you could meet up for coffee with, or even if someone was popping round to see you every now and again...it would be a break from the norm.
Thanks Normabutty, That does help Im going to go on a site to find out whats on round here, Ive done baby massage but quite want to do swimming lessons and baby yoga sounds fun, the only prob is it is all money. I like the sound of meet ups but I get really embarassed!
My dp is so good he always tells me to go and have a lay down when he gets home, or tells me to have a bath etc. But I feel guilty cos he has had a hard day too, but he says its not as hard as looking after ds and he gets breaks!!
Thankyou, im sorry other people feel the same but it feels good to know Im not on my own (iyswim)
littlemiss, i think what you are feeling is extremely common. It does sound to me like you have a wonderful and supporting man, be pleased about that. It DOES get better, i promise.
What you are feeling sounds very common. I went through similar when my DS was about your son's age. Every day feels a little like Groundhog Day; I too used to go to the shops and buy stuff just to give myself something to do.
The thing is that soon you'll be able to do so much more with your DS. In the meantime, I know you find social situations like this a bit awkward but I really think it's worth posting on here and other sites to see if there are any other mum's in the area. Just a coffee or two during the week can help loads.
Are you in a small or large town? Are there indoor play centres, drop-ins, etc?
Is there anyone you could leave your DS with for half a day a week, just to give you some time to re-charge, refresh, do something for yourself?
Even paying a childminder for one morning or two mornings a week could make all the difference to the way you feel at the moment. I don't think it would be pricey and I'm sure would be worth it for your own emotional well-being.
Try and connect again with some of your old friends and remind yourself of who you are apart from being a mum.
And hang in there... Once they start toddling and being able to take part in more and more activities your days will be much easier to fill and much more enjoyable too.
Good luck. MM X
Ah thanks so much I really appreciate your help, I have just looked into toddler groups and swimming lessons etc. So now just need to pluck up the courage to go to them! I know your right in what your saying about leaving him but this is another problem which im sure is contributing to how I feel, I cant leave him! Im really nurotic (sp?) about everything. I know its normal to worry but I really worry and feel sick in my stomach whenever I leave him (which is hardly ever)
Three places to look for things going on that you can do with your child, that might be more affordable:
- ask your health visitor, mine referred me to a local postnatal course run by another member of her team - it's now ended but the women in it are keen to meet up, and though some seem outwardly more confident than me, perhaps that's not the case
- the library - our libraries have toy libraries and also music sessions and messy play
- your local Council's website may include details of things to do - there are pages and pages and pages of stuff for the school holidays on mine
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