My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

Boredom is killing me.......

17 replies

Nicola1892 · 07/10/2019 09:52

Anyone else find that the boredom of general life is draining them? I’m fed up of being stuck in the house with nothing to do apart from looking after the kids and cleaning. I don’t get any time to myself, I don’t have friends, I just clean and look after the kids. Is this all life is? My husband seems to be happy with doing nothing all the time..... I feel like smashing my head again a god damn brick wall I’m this god damn bored!!!!!!! I am on maternity leave but as I work in care there is no point me going back before Xmas as I’ll have to work it all. Someone please tell me there is more to life

OP posts:
Report
Kiwiinkits · 07/10/2019 09:55

My nana used to say that to be happy you need something to challenge you and something to look forward to.
So what are you going to do next? Plan an adventure.

Report
Kiwiinkits · 07/10/2019 09:57

Buy a bike with a trailer or seat and take your baby riding in the fresh air. Lovely way to spend a few hours.

Report
RushianDisney · 07/10/2019 10:02

I feel the same OP. I hate the drudgery of my day to day, then work evenings in a job doing more serving and cleaning up after people. I simply don't have the money or time to do anything for myself because of selfish 'D'P, who like your husband is very happy with the status quo because it suits him to have a servant.

Report
Nicola1892 · 07/10/2019 13:35

My bike got stolen a couple of months after buying it, and with the amount of bikes stolen in the area I wouldn’t buy one again anytime soon. I wish it was as easy as let’s go on an adventure but it’s not. My adventure is what cupboard shall I sort out today

OP posts:
Report
havingamadmoment · 08/10/2019 19:39

Me . I wish I was one of those people who had passions and followed them but I’m not. I just seem to bounce from one thing that bores me to the next .

I have no idea if this is normal or not but it how I have always been - never excited about anything at all - never really enjoying myself.

Report
dimsum123 · 08/10/2019 19:43

God I know how you feel, groundhog day.

You have to try and set aside some time for yourself. Even if you don't have someone to do things with there are plenty of things you can do alone.

Go for a walk in the park, anywhere green, then coffee shop with a book to read.

Cinema alone is perfectly fine and not sad.

Wander round an art gallery/museum then coffee shop.

Join a club and possibly make friends.

Report
Kiwiinkits · 08/10/2019 22:37

You’re making excuses.

Report
jonn3y · 14/10/2019 10:51

Can I add to this being a stay at home husband?
I feel the same....unmotivated. I had a great job and lots of side line businesses to keep me motivated. I was eating and drinking too much and over weight. I never had the time for my family and was crap at supporting my wife unless there was a disaster looming!

3 years on, don't drink, don't have a business, I dropped 3 stone in weight, Wife and kids (11 & 13 Boys) love me. Wife had the opportunity to have a change of job and loves it although she would like to work less in the future.

I have done loads of things to make our lives easier and made my priority the family...….HOWEVER.....I feel totally unmotivated and feeling stressed ever since the kids went back to school.

Boredom is stressful....stress killed my motivation. I cant even tell you what I want from my life.

There was I thinking walking way from the big job and putting the family first may be good for them but its killing me. I loved it at first. Money gets tight but we manage.

Getting a job doesn't feel like the answer, I have plenty to do at home as we have a small holding. But I cant keep this up for much longer...…..feel free to shoot me down or whatever...…..something needs happen.
Thanks, Jonny.

Report
Nicola1892 · 14/10/2019 15:10

Making excuses? Handly it’s called reality over fantasy

OP posts:
Report
Nicola1892 · 14/10/2019 15:13

Can I just say first of all, well done for what you did, my dad spent all of my childhood at work or doing his hobbies etc and he regrets it so much now, he missed so much or my childhood putting work first. I’m considering starting my own business in the next year or so, now I’m spending my spare time doing market research etc which has helped me loads. Feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

OP posts:
Report
PrettyTricky · 14/10/2019 16:53

Could have written this post. Gave up my business a few months ago to move across the country for DP's job (he earns a LOT more than I did and it made practical sense). At the moment an effectively a housewife, lovely big house and all of that (just extra cleaning tbh), and quite miserable at times. Have no income of my own, have a bit of resentment about having given up the business I had as I enjoyed my work and had spent years building up a loyal local clientele. I've lost a lot a bit of confidence and self worth since then and seem to only exist to facilitate DP and DC's lives. DP is always socialising with work and I don't have a single friend in the area to my name.
It's an endless round of drudgery. The highlight of my social calendar is the weekly shopping. Feel guilty moaning about it as it's not as though I'm on the breadline our out doing multiple jobs to make ends meet, but I was far happier when I was working and making my own living. I'm trying to re-establish here but it's proving soul destroyingly difficult and so far have generated precisely 0 clients.

Just wanted to offer my support and understanding. It's crap, and people who say that we're making excuses and don't understand complaining about being stay at home parents - fucking hell it's mind numbingly shit and financial suicide and socially debilitating.

Report
jonn3y · 14/10/2019 17:18

YEP GUILT is top of my list. I know people killing themselves to pay the bills and say they would love to be in my position.

There has to be a happy medium somewhere.

Report
tumbleisatwat · 14/10/2019 17:21

Sod the cupboards.

Get out of the house.

Report
turfsausage · 19/11/2019 08:35

I have found my people!
I'm glad others understand how i feel although of course wouldn't wish the tedium on anyone else.
Today I cleaned some kitchen cupboards. Didnt go to exercise class as i have a cold.
I moved abroad 9 months ago to my husband's home country, because he wanted to. I just wish I'd been strong enough to say no. I don't have a job and dont seem to be able to get one, life is dull af in this country town we live in. If it weren't for the kids of course I'd be long gone, as it is i feel very stuck. Like a pp we dont struggle for money even though I'm not working as we have rental income but i was a billion times happier before, with a job, friends, purpose, nice community, family nearer by. I think I'm here waiting to die and that's a depressing thought.

Report
Fakeflowersaremynewnormal · 19/11/2019 09:10

I'm another one suffering from boredom. I often think there are a lot of people who would love to have my life and think it very easy and nice. But for me a lot of the time it's boring. The thing is I don't think I would cope well with a high stress job either. I got a bit anxious the other day just thinking about making someone a cake! So I do need my life to be fairly structured and easy but at the same time it is boring. I have a pt job which I don't much enjoy, the work is quite hard and time pressured so I find it challenging but also not very interesting, and although I like most of the people I work with we aren't really friends. I used to enjoy walking my dog but since she has had some behaviour problems i don't really enjoy that much. Food used to be an interest but I have a lot of trouble with my weight and it's become a source of anxiety and guilt and now I don't really enjoy it as an interest. I love my family but they can be quite difficult a lot of the time. So I mostly feel my life is a round of boring chores that I am not much good at, or guilt inducing pastimes like MNing a lot while I procrastinate a boring chore.

Report
turfsausage · 20/11/2019 08:37

Oh dear. I guess that's the thing about all being bored and depressed, we're not exactly gonna be geeing each other up are we.

Report
jonn3y · 20/11/2019 10:15

Well much of the above resonates with me. I have listened to all the advice....start a new business, get a job, volunteer for charity work, have an affair......although the latter nearly came true I don't think any are going to help.

I realise that its all of us that have a choice. You can look at life two ways. The default is to be negative and taking safe decisions. I believe that's human nature. Then you realise you become surrounded by negative people and the circle forms and you spiral into a negative, boring and sometimes stressful state of mind.

The harder way to look at life is with a more positive outlook. Now before I get shot down in flames...I know what you might be thinking. I have been depressed with my lot too and its tough. I have had stressful jobs and suffered from anxiety and a number of issues around stress.

Ultimately I have chosen to distance myself from negative people, watching the news, surfing social media. I did it for 6 weeks and I now feel pretty positive. So although I cant give anyone a magic pill to cure themselves, I would strongly recommend the above.

It has shown me the world is skewed to be extremely negative and totally consumer driven...making us buy shit we don't need and making is all scared of the world at worst or negative at best!!

I am now seeing clearer, I am stepping out of my comfort zone, stopped the worry cycle in my head, being a bit more selfish about what I want in my life. I feel motivated to improve my diet and am much more active. I managed to do a bit of mindfulness and sleep so well. Its quite a transformation.

I wish I could start a more positive society somewhere away from here where people could be themselves and have a much more liberated lifestyle. Free from financial and social pressures. But I cant so my views and vision are much more tempered to my home environment.

Have I actually done anything different with my life yet? no is the short answer.....but my eyes view my world in a different light. I feel good. I reengaged with social media but made differnet choises as to what I follow. I record TV so I don't have to sit through adverts. I don't watch soaps, social documentaries or daytime tv.

I wish we could all meet up and have a big hug and a chat about this...we all have our challenges in life, I respect that. But all of us are complex characters. I think the media, soap TV, social media, advertising, smart phones, lack of social status or modern communication is killing our creativity and motivation. I firmly believe you can start to make a difference by avoiding negativity etc.

I read once that are brains are like wifi, we feed off the people around us and mirror the behaviour.....ok it took me a 6 week detox to change who I talked to but positivity around me has made me positive too....not perfect but much better.

C'mon special people, we are all worthy of a better life. We owe it to ourselves!

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.