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New to this..just need some womanly advice..pleaseeeeeeee..

(21 Posts)
mercedes2 Sat 11-Aug-07 11:46:01

Where do i start ,well same old story,met a guy,now confused ,dont know where to turn.
I have been friends with W..for over a year both had bad relationships in the past,hasnt everyone,some bare the scars some are a lot stronger,..anyway..he took me out for lunch on my birthday,fantastic day,been a long time since some one made me smile like he did,next day he text saying he couldnt stop thinking bout me,should we do it again ,i agreed ,went out again,he opened up and said hed like to give it a go take things slow and become an item,i agreed,and we started texting each other,when we didnt see each other and he said in one he was crazy about me,anyway cut a long story short,we arranged to go out,he didnt turn up,i text to see where he was ,no reply,hour later i phoned didnt answer,he then sent me a text at 11.30pm at nite saying,i can do better than him and to walk away,thing is,i let this guy into my life after so long of being on my own and rebuilding my confidence in men,that i just dont know what to do,was it something i done or is he scared of commitment and backed off,we have chatted on the phone since and he said its the commitment thing and i know that he wants me,but hes no good at knowing what to do,you know i want to give up because i feel like im fighting a loosing battle but on another hand im crazy about this guy,any advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated..thank you...xx

Thunderpants Sat 11-Aug-07 19:33:19

If I were you, I'd write this one off right now. He sounds as if he can't commit himself to one person, and that's clearly not what you want. I think he's right in saying you deserve better. If there's one thing I've learnt it's that you shouldn't "settle" for someone - hold out for someone who loves you and you alone. Better to be on your own than with someone who's going to mess you around, no matter how nice he is when you're together. I know it's not easy, but it's easy to stop it all now, or you'll end up getting even more hurt.

Just my opinion, but hope it helps in some way x

HonoriaGlossop Sat 11-Aug-07 20:26:04

Totally agree with Thunder. Out there somewhere is a guy who will not only say how fantastic and gorgeous you are, but who will phone when they say they will, turn up to every date, ask if he can get you to meet his parents, ask if you can go on holiday together, etc etc etc.

You just shouldn't waste time on someone like this, you need to be out there meeting as many people as you can so that you give yourself the chance of meeting that one who will GENUINELY appreciate everything about you!


He's TOLD you what to do, he is right, you should walk away. I'm afraid he can't be held responsible if you keep hanging on - he's told you to walk away and he's right.

mercedes2 Sun 12-Aug-07 23:09:49

thank you,i really mean that,thing is he going iraq in september anyway he been in touch...and grrrr...i quote...
l think your amazing and everything
but l just cant let myself fall for you because l know l would..
but
and its a big but
l dont want to scare you but l could fall for you in a big way lm hopeless at relationships ,l always get hurt
but l felt really strong and a closeness with you, lve never felt that before.. just dont know what to do
lm ok here, but when l see you and your little cute smile l just want to hold you and never let you go..i need to wait till im home , but no doubt someone will have got your attention, and l will be thinking back to when l held you
and wishing things were differnt
like l always do lm such a muppet sometimes .. l think about you when lm out and wish you was with me
played gooseberry again all weeekend
and wished l had you with me..
l will see you before l go
if thats ok ,l will l promise
:and i promise that im gonna wait for..that normal lad from bolton :
(lm secretly smiling really happy, and got a little warm glow in my chest )
aw babes...then he said he wanted to see me tonite..and never turned up...i am soo confused do i walk..or do i stay..what the hell do i do..?????..XX

Sixer Sun 12-Aug-07 23:13:24

walk.

paperdoll Sun 12-Aug-07 23:17:11

totally. in fact, run.

mercedes2 Sun 12-Aug-07 23:23:36

oh..ok...can i ask why you saying that...i want to but he keeps texting meeeeeeeeee...thank you for listening..xx

Sixer Sun 12-Aug-07 23:39:08

maybe he's keeping you on the back burner, so to speak. When i was reading your OP, i thought oh don't tell me he has someone else. Why hasn't he turned up for your dates?

paperdoll Sun 12-Aug-07 23:41:52

well ... basically I think HonoriaGlossop is right.

The signals are mixed, it's confusing you, and it sounds like he is confused as well. He may mean well, I'm not saying "run because he's a bad person" or anything; but it just sounds like a recipe for problems. If you are trying to avoid having bad relationships like you've both had in the past, I'd say you ought to steer clear of a situation that seems so uncertain and involves both of you expressing doubt and saying you don't know what to do. Not to mention him failing to turn up, always a bad sign.

I can appreciate that it would be really hard to walk away from the possibility, the romance, feeling of being wanted, etc; but if you avoid letting it get difficult now, maybe with time you will both feel more clear about what you want, and the possibility will still be there to try again. Or maybe not - in which case you can direct your energy to finding someone who is less confused and better prepared for a healthy, happy relationship ...

Dior Sun 12-Aug-07 23:42:14

Message withdrawn

mercedes2 Sun 12-Aug-07 23:53:33

i know you are both right...and im making excuses...only reason he home at mo is because his tank got blew up 2 weeks ago in iraq..he coming to terms with his injuries and what happened...you know we been friends for over a year and i think we shouldnt have over stepped them bounderies...and in a way im glad we did but...im gonna loose a friend too...as for the dates he askd if he could come up and see me tonite at 7 and then text saying hell be up later than expected and carnt wait to see me..not heard nothing since...feeling of de ja vou...i should walk i know...thank you..xxx

mamama Sun 12-Aug-07 23:59:20

Walk away. Please.

mercedes2 Mon 13-Aug-07 00:02:07

mamama..why do you think i should..???...im going too..i promise but want to know why you think it too..thank you..xxx

mamama Mon 13-Aug-07 00:11:50

There's a habit of making arrangements then delaying, cancelling or standing you up. Whatever his reasons, and I suppose he may have a good one, you deserve better. There is never (well, very rarely) an excuse for not calling and postponing a date.

He obviously has a lot going on in his head - with what he has experienced in the army. It sounds as though he needs a bit of time.

If he thinks you deserve better, you probably do.

I'm not saying never ever but until he is able to make a plan with you and carry it out and is more self-secure, this just sounds like you're going to get hurt.

mercedes2 Mon 13-Aug-07 00:16:12

well he just text and said...sorry angel..he hopes i understand, hes messed up,confused...and he wants me to wait... if he comes home,then throw him self into a relationship with me...i havent replied...this is drivin me nuts...xx

turquoisenights Mon 13-Aug-07 00:25:47

why dont you tell him exactly how you feel?

mamama Mon 13-Aug-07 00:34:15

Don't reply - wait a bit. He's obviously confused and making you feel the same way.

mercedes2 Mon 13-Aug-07 00:41:18

i know...thank you all for listening...really helps you know...think i will sleep on it tomorrows another day..xx

Dior Mon 13-Aug-07 13:34:35

Message withdrawn

mercedes2 Mon 13-Aug-07 13:57:32

Today...still confused but knowing what direction to take...i text him this morning...tut tut...your thinking...na i took deep breath and wrote..

hey...i dont want to go on,so i will keep it short,thanks for giving me that little piece of happiness,been a long time since i let anyone that close,anyway..you take care of you,and stay safe when you go back to iraq,you need to concentrate on that and me..well i deserve better hun and better will find me..take care..always..x

he never replied think that says it all,anyway thank you all for listening,this site is going to become my second home now,i know it..catch up soon..xx

Dior Wed 15-Aug-07 22:59:20

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