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Is this feeling PND?

(6 Posts)
idontlikemeatthemoment Fri 10-Aug-07 13:36:15

well me nickname says it all. I just don't like the way i'm feeling.

I have a 4month old and a 3 year old. I have no problem with the baby but the toddler is making me feel anxious/stressed and I hate myself for it.

She is a very very good girl and I know that, but I cannot find it in me to do anything with her at the moment. Everytime I try I end up stressed. The other day I started her off making rice crispy cakes. I ended up having a go at her for licking the spoon. i know i overreacted since she is only 3 ffs.

Just minute ago she wanted her bike out. She can't ride it yet so I was trying to teach her but when she didn't get it straight away I could feel myself about to boil over. It's not her, i know that it's me. I just can't cope with anything even slightly stressy at the moment and that's not me. I'm normally fairly laid back.

I know the school holidays don't help. She was at pre school 3 mornings and that really helped, as it's nice to have time just me and the baby. I could do things like go to the shops without the stress of a 3 year old.

do you think it could be PND or should I just give myself a slap I know that I feel better come September when she'll be at preschool 5 mornings.

I love my little girl so much i hate thinking that she thinks mummy is crap

LindaCymru Fri 10-Aug-07 16:13:41

Hello Sweetie, Number one - change your nick name! It's far too negative and will only get you down by reinforcing how you're feeling at the mo. I've been lucky enough to escape PND but have survived several serious episodes of clinical depression. I really would advise that you see your GP if you're worried about how you are coping. Don't struggle if you don't have to! At the same time you've two little ones and must be constantly on the go until it's finally time for bed, and even then you can bet you're probably wondering how you're going to fill the day with "Perfect Mummy" activities! No-one can be super Mum all the time, it's not possible (unless you're Mary Poppins and lets face it she was a bit magical!)
I'm sure that your daughter doesn't think her Mummy is crap - you're projecting. On a more practical note is there someone who can help you out a bit? Maybe by taking your daughter for a morning/afternoon? Maybe someone could take the baby for a few hours too which could give you some special Mummy and daughter time too? If you're really lucky perhaps someone could take both the kids for a couple of hours and give you a bit of time off - if that's possible you have to promise not to do any housework but to indulge in a bit of pampering time! There are also organisations that can help you out such as HomeStart - I think they are national. Your health visitor should be able to get you some information. Whatever though, take care of yourself and be nice to yourself too! Don't beat yourself up - it's just not allowed" L x

oneplusone Fri 10-Aug-07 16:30:56

Hi,

You could be me, I'm feeling exactly the same way. I have a just 4 DD and 15 month DS, and I too find myself with very little patience sometimes with DD and I've also been wondering if it's late onset PND or something.

I try so hard to do nice things with her, but it usually ends in tears and I find myself preferring to spend time with DS as he can't talk yet and so can't whinge and whine and moan, although he does make his feelings known in other ways!

Sometimes I feel I don't like DD very much but feel soooo bad and guilty for thinking this that I dare not tell anyone (apart from you now). Sometimes I have even found myself questioning my love for her, I had severe PND after having her which was not recognised or diagnosed and I think it has had a long term effect on my bond with her.

The deficiencies in my relationship with her are all the more noticeable since having DS with whom I had no PND whatsoever and I feel I bonded instantly with him and no matter how difficult he is I never seem to get cross or frustrated with him.

I think it is partly an age thing, perhaps when he's 4 he will be whinging just like DD but I still feel I might have more patience with him.

Like you come September I will feel better as DD will be at school, and as I have very little help or support I am basically trying to manage completely on my own during 10 weeks of holidays as DD doesn't start til 24 Sep .

What gets me is when people (usually with older children) say enjoy your time with them as it goes so fast. well, to be brutally honest, I'm not enjoying this time ie the hols at all, it just feels like an endurance test of my patience, resources and energy just to get through to the end. I don't feel I am or possibly ever will be a 'natural' mother, I've found it all very hard especailly the almost complete lack of 'me' time.

I don't have the classic symptomes of depression like not being able to get out of bed as I have to get up at 6am every day whether i like it or not, but given half a chance I know I could easily stay in bed all day or 2 days.

I just feel drained all the time, i get through the day getting the essentials done but never really feeling happy or enjoying myself with the kids. I just feel anxious and stressed all the time, is this PND or is it normal to feel like this with 2 kids under 5 during the hols?

I also have issues to do with my parents and siblings which upset me but that's another thread altogether.

My DH has just started a great new job, but because he has been made redundant 3 times since we've been married I always have a nagging worry at the back of my mind that one day he'll come home again and say he's been made redundant.

I just feel I can never relax and just be happy or feel I have some stability in my life, but then is this just how life is? Am i wrong to want or expect no major stressful events ocurring for a couple of years? We've had so many major life events happen since we got married 6 years ago, including moving house about 4 times, having 2 kids, 3 redundancies, health issues on my part, family issues on my part, the list just goes on.

Gosh, sorry, once I started I couldn't stop and I've gone right off the topic.

Sorry, will stop now. Don't think I've helped you at all, but you are not alone.

plums Sat 11-Aug-07 07:33:08

Linda, how's this name I do have a usual mn name but don't want to use it. I just want some annonimity for a change. Everything you say is true, and in my heart I know that DD loves me. I just hate crying in front of her. It's not fair But I also need to remind myself that no one is perfect.

oneplusone, that is a long time til school I have 5 weeks, but one of those dh is here(the last one when she should be in school but we've booked a holiday!!!) You could have been describing how I feel, i'm not too good at writing down eactly what I mean,lol. We too have moved recently(not 4 times!!) and I know that's adding to the stress as the house isn't how we want it but there's never time to do anything. Last week MIL took DD for 2 days. Not the baby. And DH was suggesting that I do some painting as I had a day off How i didn't tell him to fuck off is a wonder. How dare he try to tell me what to do with my precious few hours without a very demanding dd. I did not do any painting! i went shopping with baby in tow and it was nice and relaxing I did a bit of housework(not much) and thought I need some time off so he can shove it up his arse!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do kinda feel ok sometimes then something happens and I just instantly feel so low it's horrible. Today i'm knackered as both lo's decide mummy needs to wake up way before mummy wants to! I guess sleep is a big factor since i am always stroppy without it. I must try to get more sleep, early to bed<sigh>

Other things that don't help are things like last night. I went out(for once) and dh said anything I need to do? So i said yes just make up some bottles. I had already boiled the kettle, washed the bottles and put the steriliser on. I come home and they're not done. So there I am about to enjoy a drink(was driving so thought i'd have some alchohol when I got back) but no I have to make f'in bottles at 11pm And this is also the sort of thing that wouldn't bother me if I was feeling like me

Sorry for the ramble

oneplusone Sat 11-Aug-07 13:13:25

Hi, plums, at least your DH actually asks you if there's anything he can do whilst you're out. I know he didn't do what you asked but at least the good intention was there. Mine would never ask in a million years.

I actually feel a bit better today but only because I had a bit of a lie in and right now DS is napping so only DD to entertain.

I think I feel better when there's another adult in the house, whether it's DH or a friend or anyone really but of course it's impossible to arrange that every day. I don't even mind if they don't lift a finger to help (well I do expect DH to help) but it just so nice to have adult conversation.

I sometimes think about going back to work but it would be for the wrong reasons ie just to get away from the kids, which I don't really want to do,I just want a break from them every now and then.

Good for you for making the most of your time with only one DC and going shopping, you really have to think about yourself as unfortunately nobody else will (that's my experience anyway) and do whatever it is that will lift your mood even if for a short while.

The only light at the end of my tunnel is that friends with older children tell me it does get easier as they get older but in other ways it gets harder as you worry more but at least you don't have to run about doing every single thing for them all day.

I don't know what else to say, just try and take each day as it comes. I try and make sure I have something planned, however small for every single day, and get out of the house and that makes the time go quicker and i usually get chatting to someone or meet up with friends and feel better for a while. I think being at home is the worst time, outside the house a lot of the issues seem to fade away.

But you are definatley not alone, I'm right there with you!

LindaCymru Mon 24-Sep-07 20:26:36

Just checking in to see how you both are...I've been away and since returning home DS is teething and is sooooo snotty you wouldn't belive.

Anyway, hoping things are looking happier.

Take care,

L x x

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