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Depression & birth injuries

(13 Posts)
WhereDoWeGo Thu 23-May-19 20:40:28

Hi I have a thread under health about my long-going birth injuries & I'm really not managing well with my mental health at all.

I asked MN if I can merge the Two topics but they said for me to start a new thread here. (I don't know how to link my old one)

Is anybody around to chat?

chocolateworshipper Thu 23-May-19 21:30:45

I don't have much experience of birth injuries (one emergency c-section followed by a planned one) - but do have experience of MH problems

WhereDoWeGo Thu 23-May-19 21:47:13

Hi chocolate Thanks for answering. How are you now? What is your experience? (as much as you want to share)

I was put on a 10mg dose of ad's a few weeks ago & they upped it to 20mg today. The last few days have been hard for me. I walked out of my home. Left my kids with their dad & I honestly didn't want to go home.
I don't want to be here now, I'm just going through the motions.

noodledoodler Thu 23-May-19 21:55:10

Hello wheredowego, i think I remember your thread. Just reaching out to say you are in my thoughts after reading this evenings post. Sorry things are feeling so bad right now, hugs 🌺🌺🌺

PavlovaFaith Thu 23-May-19 22:01:05

Yes I remember your original thread. How are you doing? thanks

PavlovaFaith Thu 23-May-19 22:02:52

Sorry OP I opened your post and started a reply a while before your second comment! Sorry things aren't great sad

chocolateworshipper Thu 23-May-19 22:31:48

My mental health isn't great at the moment, but it's not as bad as it has been in the past. ADs and therapy have helped me. I had a traumatic childhood which caused associative amnesia. My DD had really bad MH problems and self-harmed which caused a my most recent MH problems. Something else that has really helped me was reading "Depressive illness the curse of the strong" by Dr Tim Cantopher. Also reaching out to other people with MH problems helps me.

chocolateworshipper Thu 23-May-19 22:33:05

By the way - I went through a stage of praying to die. I don't feel like that now.

WhereDoWeGo Thu 23-May-19 22:43:19

Thanks noodle & Pavlova Sometimes I just want somebody to care. I can't manage, I'm not ok, & don't think I ever will be. But I can pretend to be.
chocolate Thank you for sharing that. How is your DD now? I'm going to mess up my kids, I know I am. They would be fine if I disappeared though & it would mess them up less. I don't have anybody who understands to talk to in RL. I will have a look for those books.

Can anybody link to my other thread?
It's in women's health under same name.

chocolateworshipper Thu 23-May-19 23:21:53

@WhereDoWeGo I have sent you a private message

noodledoodler Fri 24-May-19 00:08:41

Wheredowego, sometimes life is shit, sometime there is so much on we can feel like we will never manage and hey, at those times muddling through is what you hope for. The important thing is that the plates keep spinning, however haphazardly. We don't have to be perfect, just good enough. This may be a low point but life is cyclical and for the lows there will be higher moments, thats how it is for most of us. Get through the lows and look forward to better times. Maybe do some small things that make you feel better, bath, haircut, massage, whatever works, boost your well being and helps cope with the crap.
You can do this. Ask for real life help where you can 🌺

WhereDoWeGo Fri 24-May-19 01:45:58

Thanks noodle you are kind to try & help.

This post is pretty bleak & I'm sorry to people having to read it flowers

A big thing I struggle with is accepting things 'as they are' now. My birth injuries & the things I'm having to do to try & make them manageble, I need to accept these things. I had 10 weeks face to face counselling & before that I was speaking to the wellbeing service over the phone. Although the first time I spoke to the lady I told her that anybody could do what I do, anybody could walk in & look after my kids tomorrow & I wouldn't be missed, & she gave me a lecture about how they see things from the other side (as in they speak to family after a loved one has committed suicide) & basically what a selfish thing it is to do so I need to just get over it.
Fine. I get that, in principle. I do. But it goes over my head. Honestly. Because all I think is 'Yes, other people are missed & loved, of course they are, other people are loved & family are devastated. Why wouldn't they be. Other people are lovely. Mine won't be bothered though. Simple as that'.
So all that succeeded in doing is shutting me down & I never told her how I was really feeling after that.

So I am trying to ask for help.

I am.

Things with the kids dad are bad & it's what sent me over the edge this time. I'm so upset about my body & I get no lee-way from him. I never get a day when I can say 'Can you please back off today, I've got 3 appointments/everything's extra sore/I've been awake all night in pain/I'm trying this new treatment & my head's all over the place'..
All that gets ignored.
Because when he wants to push me to breaking point. He will.
And that's another thing I just have to accept.

WhereDoWeGo Fri 24-May-19 01:59:12

I've just read chocolate's private message, & just wanted to repeat on here.

This thread isn't a 'Please everybody try & pursuade me not to die'

& I'm sorry if it's come across that way.

This thread is a 'Ive got literally nobody to talk to. Nobody. So I will use here. Yes, I want to die. Doesn't mean I'm going to'

flowers to everybody else struggling.

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