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Death of my friend has hit me very hard

(11 Posts)
newlifenewname Mon 16-Jul-07 14:11:06

I've admitted to feeling depressed just once in my life, despite very many awful experiences as a result of being in an abusive relationship where regular suicide 'attempts' were part of the manipulation. Despite the fact that my ex partner spent months in hopsital when we had our first baby less than 6 months old because of his illness. Despite the fact that I spent the first almost 6 months of this year in a Women's Refuge.

But today I feel depressed. I have not been able to smile or laugh and can't even manage social pleasantries with any conviction. Can't eat and feel sick and lethargic.

I've mostly stopped crying today. I don't recognise these feelings. I don't have the panic or anxiety I've felt in the past when ;life has gotten out of my control so this isn't the kind of grief I'm familiar with.

I feel a bit numb really.

Anyone care to share their experiences?

Tanee58 Mon 16-Jul-07 15:30:06

No similar experience, but just want to say I'm so sorry. A friend, not a close one but she was one of the mums in dd's school, died a couple of years back and I felt dreadful - particularly as she had cancer, which I'd survived, and she had a lovely husband and children, so I felt like it should have been me, not her.

It sounds like you're suffering from genuine grief, and grief takes many forms. If things don't feel better, consider seeing your GP for something to get you over the worst. Otherwise, just try to see sympathetic friends, and allow yourself to feel sad. Grief is a process that must be gone through and there are no rules.

FioFioJane Mon 16-Jul-07 15:33:33

is it very recent?

you sound like you are in normal shock tbh

Pruners Mon 16-Jul-07 15:46:39

Message withdrawn

Budababe Mon 16-Jul-07 15:52:29

NLNN - it is all very very recent and still obviously so raw for you. Of course you are sad and down and not eating. All normal responses to grief. Doesn't make it easier to deal with I know but it is to be expected. You will also feel anger and maybe denial and lots of other emotions - all totally normal too.

It WILL get better.

newlifenewname Mon 16-Jul-07 15:53:57

Thanks for sharing and sympathising. I can normally deal with 'me' in the third person almost when it is bad stuff but this doesn't feel like that. I feel as though everything is very clouded and then I'll have 5 mins of clarity where I'll be on the phone trying to get hold of his friend, stuff like that.

I may take a couple of days worth of Anti Ds as I've done this before when things have been really bad and it has just lifted me.

Not eating is partly due to horrible sick grief feeling and partly due to trying to control things (I do this).

I have a lot of questions that I feel no on ecan answer.

Ex dp is being vile in a way I can't explain well. Very selfish but he is pretending to paly the supportive friend role.

Feel like I'm going a teeny bit mad really. Hating the self absorbed posts by me.

Pruners Mon 16-Jul-07 15:57:56

Message withdrawn

Tanee58 Mon 16-Jul-07 17:26:50

Do take care, and do whatever feels right for you. If you feel sick, don't eat. If you need to sleep, sleep. If you need to cry, cry. Have you friends you could lean on, rather than your exp?

newlifenewname Mon 16-Jul-07 18:53:18

Well, I have friends but they are far and the one or two people I know from this new area are either too new in terms of friendship to do much 'leaning' or just a bit "whoa! don't know what to say".

Anyway. I'm okay in terms of coping I think but it is horrible.

I suppose the only reason ex is involved is because my dead friend is his only and best friend and my ex was also one of only very few friends of my friend that died. Ex emailed me this evening and said "don't idolise M" wtf?

Novacane Tue 17-Jul-07 10:37:48

Hiya New.

Haven't had chance to reply properly as yet, but just wanted to send my hugs and good wishes.

I lost my very best and oldest friend to suicide in May 2004. She also hung herself.

Don't want to say too much about grieving and that on here as it is an intense and personal thing, but the feelings you are experiencing are entirely normal.

I'd love to say it gets better and easier, and although it doesn't consume my every waking thought now, It has had a profound effect on me and my life, to an extent that I am about to embark on some bereavement counselling, something I should have done a long time before now.

Be kind to yourself, and as for your Ex, do you really have to have anything to do with him? It's not easy as it is, withough him being a knob. He sounds toxic and you just need to get rid of that dragging you down, even if it is only emails as it drags you down.

If you wanna chat- Novacane@novacane.co.uk

Best Wishes.

HonoriaGlossop Tue 17-Jul-07 11:21:42

So sorry to hear about how you are feeling newlife. I agree with Novacane that your ex sounds toxic and if you can avoid him engaging you in deep conversations with him I'm sure that would help you stay on a more even keel.

Would you consider a telephone helpline - I know some people wouldn't want to use them but there is a helpline for those who have been bereaved by suicide - 0870 241 3337, open Mon - Fri 9 - 9. Don't worry if this isn't your style - just a thought.

Thinking of you and wishing you strength. x

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