Bit of a mental mess

[Throwmeaway]

I'm not sure of the point in writing this. I think maybe I just need to say it. If I write it down maybe it will make me do something about it.

I think my eating is getting a bit disordered. I'm having a difficult time generally at the moment which is probably contributing. I do need to lose some weight but I'm now skipping days of eating completely and on days where I do eat I'm having a maximum of about 500 calories. I drink a lot of coffee with milk so that pushes up my total intake a bit even on not eating days and I have had a few days where I have eaten a proper meal. I've lost a stone in the last 2.5 weeks alone. I feel sick constantly. I'm a nurse and today in clinic I saw someone who had anorexia, she was eating considerably more than me and yet considered herself unwell. I know I need to eat more, I could eat more and still be on a diet. But I can't do it. I don't know why. I work shifts so DH is used to me not eating at set times and doesn't notice if I skip meals but it's getting difficult to hide the fact that clothes don't fit. I weigh myself every morning and night to judge if I'm allowed to eat. I know what I would say if someone else told me this but I feel so bloody stupid, part of me thinks if I could just be a little bit thinner then I could stop.
Please don't be too harsh.

[Onetimenamechangey]

Hey OP just wanted to reply. You poor thing. Well done for recognising things have gone a bit askew. There's some skewed thinking in there - coffee, a healty meal every few days - I feel that you have perhaps lost contact with what you need to do to take care of yourself, perhaps due to the stress you've been through. Easily done with shift work too but in the long term you risk fatigue, weakness, heart problems, fertility issues etc.

I would suggest a visit to the GP. Can you confide in DH or anyone else IRL? You are need some help to get back to what is 'sensible'. Think about eating nutritious, energising meals and fuelling your body with vitamins etc, feeling good from the inside.

[cakeandchampagne]

Especially since you are a nurse, you should know you need professional help with this.

[TimeForTea72]

Your job isn’t behind the reason you’re doing this is it? Working NHS shifts can affect mental health.