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Decided I cant bottle this up anymore but I dont actually know what to do about it all.

(43 Posts)
Nbg Fri 06-Jul-07 12:38:16

Cant be bothered to name change either. I may as well be honest.

I am anxious everyday. I hate going out of the house. More so on my own, I'm not so bad if someones with me but on my own I am a mess. The feeling of being anxious scares the crap out of me. I cant even get dd to preschool sometimes.
All I want to do is lay in bed and go on the internet as thats what makes me feel at ease and comfortable.

My parents have noticed and my mum has said she'll help out twice a week, my dh has also noticed and his boss who is an ex physciatric (sp) dr has said that she thinks its PND.

I guess it could be a mix of PND, AND and anxiety with panic attacks
I've had the anxiety and panic since I was around 30 weeks pg last year and its never really gone away.
I'm nearly 20 weeks pg and I need for this to start going away but I dont know wtf to do about it.
I tried CBT and hated it. I'm on 10mg Citaolpram but have been a bit lax with it recently.
This week I have done more than I have ever done in months. I've taken the kids out at the weekend, it was quite hard but I did it. I have been and collected dd twice but with my parents and yesterday I was at a friends and we went into their local city.

But its still there, it wont go away and I've had enough of it.
I mean I cried this morning because dh got huffy because he had to go to the shop for milk ffs!
My life isnt meant to be like this and my kids should have a better mum.

Sorry for the long post.

Nbg Fri 06-Jul-07 12:57:43

is it that sad and boring

At least I can still bloody smile lol

daisyandbabybootoo Fri 06-Jul-07 12:58:53

NBG, I've been struggling iwth some of the same feelings as you, and can empathise with you entirely. You need to step up the citalopram and take it regulary and/or see your GP about another AD.

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you I really do, but I just know that since I've had the baby things are starting to get better.

Does you DH know how you feel, and is he supportive? Can you talk to him about how bad you have been feeling?

I've been seeing a psychiatrist and mental heath nurse at the hospital mental health department's mother and baby unit and it has done me the world of good. Just talking about how I feel and knowing that it's not just me feeling like that has helped a lot.

I hope you feel better soon...keep talking.

Nbg Fri 06-Jul-07 13:01:39

Thanks daisy

Its crap isnt it.

I had to lower my dose of ad's because the 20mg were making me sick.

I also have a big phobia with ging to the drs and hospital and as a reslut I have my ante natal appts at home.

joy41 Fri 06-Jul-07 13:13:31

Nbg, I am new to mumsnet and just noticed your message, I wanted to tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I started with PND after my 2nd child was born at home - but no-one recognised it as that - I was very good at answering questions in the way the health visitor needed to hear them, anyway - I got worse quickly - Panic attacks etc, couldn't answer the door when people knocked - couldn't even peg out the washing...relied on good friends and relatives...I put up with it for 2 years, then I forced myself to docs and was put on paroxetine (seroxat) started to work within a couple of weeks but it was gradual...over the course of 6 months I started to feel I could do a little more each is now 10 years later and i can do everything (apart from go on a plane - mind you - I did go to Florida 2 years ago!!)
It really is a gradual thing - the medication worked for me...I also found that although at times it helped to chat to people with similar problems as I started to get a little better it was best NOT to as I seemed to take on their worries and fear too
To sum up - I now have a good job that I drive to and from everyday, I go on holidays through the chunnel, and I can go anywhere I want and have a real life...
this WILL happen for you...keep smiling and see your gp so you can have the benefit of the right medication for you....

daisyandbabybootoo Fri 06-Jul-07 13:14:50

maybe a different ad will help, although i suppose you need to be careful in pregnancy.

I take lustral as i'm bf, but my anxiety attcks haven't been that severe.

can you talk to your mw, or ask your gp for a home visit. if things are that bad you shouldn't have a problem with getting them out.

i really feel for you, its so easy to become isolated when pregnant or with small children. i know i have to force myself.
you sound like you're taking it one step at a time which is good, but i think you need to get the meds sorted so that you can start to function a bit better.

your parents sounds supportive which must help a great deal.

WotzaGirl2do Fri 06-Jul-07 13:17:33

You are the best mum for your kids, stop beating yourself up and take oany help on offer. Do not see it as failure to do so either. PND can come at anytime. Sounds similar to me TBH when mine were that age.
Thinking of you Nbg.

ArtichokeTagine Fri 06-Jul-07 13:21:06

Nbg i really feel for you. I have never had PND (touch wood!) but I did suffer from panic attacks and agrophobia after the death of my mother. I got better and you will too.

I know it is hard but it is great that you are still making yourself go out and do things. I forced myself to carry on as normally as I could. It was horrible and so hard at times. I hated every outing and longed to be at home. But by refusing to let the anxiety defeat me I think I made it much easier to make a quick recovery.

I did have CBT and it worked. Sometimes it was hard but it did help. Maybe CBT isn't for you but there are other types of counselling that you might find more helpful. Something less about challenging you and more about listening to your thoughts and fears? Ask your GP.
I hope you feel better soon. Good luck.

Nbg Fri 06-Jul-07 13:22:19


Its nice to hear your story joy. I'm going on a plane at the end of this month and I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with it. I'm hoping that the kids will keep me occupied as its only an hour flight.

As for the meds I guess I do need to speak to my gp again. I just dont want to be given new ones again and be sick.

Nbg Fri 06-Jul-07 13:23:59

Artichoke, I am glad you've got over it.
How did you manage to do the CBT though? All I wanted to do when I did it was run home!

lulumamasmentee Fri 06-Jul-07 13:25:45

Hi Nbg

I read your mesage and couldn't ignore it. I also suffer with anxiey/panic attacks and know where you are coming from, sometimes when it gets so bad the only thing that helps is coming on to the internet to take my mind of things.

I know you said you didn't like CBT but would you be willing to try it again? This is one of the things that helped me the most plus I was on fluoxetine for a while (until I got pregnant) and that always helps out with the obsessive thought part of it all. Takin your meds on and off is probably doing more harm than good so you really need to try and remember to take them if you can and after a month or so you will hopefully see a difference. Also I have a very good e-book called Panic Away that I would be more than happy to forward to you. I'm not sure how that cat thing works so if you e-mail me at m k hopgood @ hotmail. com I will send it to you. I really did find it useful .

I really feel for you, panic attacks and all the crap that goes with them are horrible [hugs]

WaynettaSlob Fri 06-Jul-07 13:27:51

Nbg - have you investigated any other sort of therapy?

joy41 Fri 06-Jul-07 13:29:14

Nbg - bit of advice for the plane for you - I found that a dab of Lavender under my nose and on the inside of my wrists helped a lot - it gets into the bloodstream and helps you to relax..
Also - rescue remedy drops on your tongue...I also had a small flask of brandy (I just sipped the odd mouthful when panicky feelings started) but I don't think you're allowed to take drinks on planes now are you?!
The kids are definitely a distraction.....
have a nice time and just remember that the kids probably won't even notice when you do get panicky - mine were 2-4 yrs and 4-6 yrs and don't have a clue that I was a hermit for 2 years!

Nbg Fri 06-Jul-07 13:34:37

lulusmentee, I'll email you thanks

I'm not so sure I could do the CBT again. All I can think of when I'm in there is "I want get out, I need to get out". Its at the dr's so that doesnt help.

I've considered EFT (emotional freedom therapy) as I've heard really good things about it and it can be done via email, over the phone or face to face.
I just need to pick a day and pay up for that.

Joy, thanks for the tips. Can I take rescue stuff when pg and on ad's? Dh accidently smashed the bottle I had the other day so I'll have to buy some more.

MoreSpamThanGlam Fri 06-Jul-07 14:31:02

my baby is crying in the next room

I have had nothing but sugar based food all day

I am having my house reposessed and I am now behing with the rent

My husband has finally got a job and thinks thats it

I had a panic attack in the middle of town and nearly passed out

My mum is an alcoholic selfish bitch

I want this to be over

My PND specialist just says dont do anything stupid

I think its the cleverest thing i can do right now

Nbg Fri 06-Jul-07 14:35:03

Oh dear Spam

I am certainly not the best person to respond to you atm

WotzaGirl2do Fri 06-Jul-07 14:35:36

Glam - whats the cleverest thing you can do right?

WotzaGirl2do Fri 06-Jul-07 14:36:32

sounds like you are having a real tough tough time Glam...

VeniVidiVickiQV Fri 06-Jul-07 14:38:16

OH i dont know what to say to you both. Depression sucks

Depression and a handfull of problems suck even more

I have no wise words, except to talk to people about it,and accept ALL offers of help.

sniff Fri 06-Jul-07 14:38:21

you have a child of 3, one of 10 months and your 20 weeks pregnant

your stil going to ths shops to get things

looking at this positivly you are doing well

I just wanted you to look at how good you actually are being pregnant is hard work with out other children to look after please dont beat yourself up I suffered with AND even though I was told it as my imagination its hard but it will get better

you can still smile x x x

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands Fri 06-Jul-07 14:39:41

SPAM, DH has a job.. your finances WILL improve, things ARE going to get bed, I promise. "..This too shall pass.."

Go and drink and pint of water, make a piece of toast to nibble on, put on some music you enjoy (even if you don't think you want to listen to it at the moment) and lay down on the sofa.


Nbg Fri 06-Jul-07 14:40:29

Thats it sniff, 3, 10 months and pg.

I feel like if I didnt get anxious I could do alot more.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands Fri 06-Jul-07 14:40:54

*get better

Nbg Fri 06-Jul-07 14:41:59

One thing I do know spam is that sugary stuff can really make things worse but I'm sure you know that and I know that if your anxious and thats all you can eat then thats what you have to do.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands Fri 06-Jul-07 14:44:11

(((hugs))) for you NBG. Anxiety sucks.


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