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Someone please come and tell me everything will be ok - DH just quit job to become my carer :(

(24 Posts)
Volume Thu 21-Jun-07 17:38:31

It's just a huge step to take but I am just not getting better. I started being depressed about 5 years ago, and just over 2 years ago it really gripped me. I have been recovering, then getting worse, seemingly worse than before. DH has had alot of time off when I have been really bad and today was really the final straw I guess - his work aren't happy, he isn't happy and neither am I. He has spoken to his 'support worker' and she is sorting out the benefits we have to go on now, but the next appointment is July 23rd. I have no idea at all how we will survive until then - DH will only get 2 weeks wages this month and nothing at the end of July. Apart from the lack of money, I feel I have hit an all time low - before we were managing, day by day and now it's all come crashing down around us. I have no idea what to do, if I persuade him to go back to work I will just sink lower but we have no money, and no future without his job.

Volume Thu 21-Jun-07 19:20:18


goingfor3 Thu 21-Jun-07 19:21:59

There's nothing I can say to help. It sounds like a really difficult situation for you all to be in.

PenelopePitstops Thu 21-Jun-07 19:25:02

volume, health wise it sounds like teh best thing for you and dh. He obviously cares about your illness so much and is doing all he can to help. You can apply for benifits on the money side of things, and sometime in the future you may be well enough to work too and your life will improve greatly.

It sounds difficult at the moment and i have no experience of depression but wanted to know someone had read your post.

Volume Thu 21-Jun-07 19:27:00

Thanks you two Just benefits will take months to sort and even when they are sorted I have doubts it will cover all the bills. Plus what does DH say to people when they ask what he does? "oh, I err look after my wife" . Sorry just having a moan.

JodieG1 Thu 21-Jun-07 19:29:47

It does sound difficult but hopefully he can help you recover and feel better in yoursef. I hope things do get better for you.

BarefootDancer Thu 21-Jun-07 19:30:21

I am glad you have a supportive partner.
I hope you are getting some help with your depression.

Maybe the Citizen's Advice Bureau could help with money advice.
They have lots of info on their website:

Another site with a benefits calculator:

VeryBigCake Thu 21-Jun-07 19:31:34

i am a carer for my husband, we manage ok.

are you renting or mortaged?

are you claiming disability living allowence?

Volume Thu 21-Jun-07 19:33:43

We have a mortgage. The woman who DH spoke to said I have to get disability allowance as I haven't made enough NI contributions to claim incapacity benefit. It's all a mine-field! I hope DH doesn't resent me for this, he would have been promoted long ago but they said his attendance was the only thing holding him back, and now he doesn't have a job at all. I am hoping it's only for a few months, but I have been bad for years.

VeryBigCake Thu 21-Jun-07 19:37:58

disability living allowence can be claimed online.


once that is sorted then you dh can claim carers allowence. then you can go onto income support, child tax credits etc.

its a hard slog, but try abnd get the disability form done tonight. you can download it and get GP to sign it.

onlyjoking9329 Thu 21-Jun-07 19:38:20

once you get the benefits sorted out you will have a better idea of the money situation, you should apply for DLA and DH will then be able to get carers allowance.

BarefootDancer Thu 21-Jun-07 19:38:40

I hope you have a good doctor, and help from the NHS/support groups with your depression.

VeryBigCake Thu 21-Jun-07 19:38:54

and the disability allowence is in ADDITION to other benefits.

so see if CAB can see you ASAP to get some money coming in.

onlyjoking9329 Thu 21-Jun-07 19:49:59

whoops i see big cake posted at the same time as me saying the same things!

Volume Thu 21-Jun-07 21:33:44

The woman said the form is very long, and she knows what benefits to claim for etc. Gp doesn't need to sign for DLA, just my mental health team person. Do you think I should just go to CAB and try and get the ball rolling myself? I don't want to mess it up, but I cannot wait over a month before the forms are even done.

VeryBigCake Thu 21-Jun-07 23:29:19

get it rolling yourself definatly. print the forms off now, or call 08457123456 in the morning to request disability forms.

tbh you should have been on this benefit anyway its not means tested and you could;ve been claiming for a while.

Dior Thu 21-Jun-07 23:38:16

Message withdrawn

LadyVictoriaOfCake Fri 22-Jun-07 13:06:23

how you doing today volume?

Volume Fri 22-Jun-07 14:51:54

Quite a turnaround, I am a cowardly namechanger and people were not saying that about DH a few months ago. Will ring about DLA now, they won't backdate will they? Really I should have been on it at least 2 years as I have been pretty much housebound that long. I am ok, a good day for me, just panicig abit as DH is going to Goodwood on Sunday at 5am and I am worried I will have one of my bad days.

LadyVictoriaOfCake Fri 22-Jun-07 16:16:05

i think i know who are are.

dustystar Fri 22-Jun-07 16:20:37

They'll backdate by a few weeks but i can't remember how many.

LadyVictoriaOfCake Fri 22-Jun-07 16:22:56

they will backdate to the date you called up for it.

Volume Fri 22-Jun-07 19:37:27

Yes they said something like it would start from today - I didn't think they would backdate it years .

Dior Fri 22-Jun-07 19:49:11

Message withdrawn

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