Shame

[Toptheginup]

I'm really struggling at the moment with feelings of shame.
I am over-analysing every conversation I have with people with a sense of shame.
I can't really explain this very well tbh but for example; I had a conversation with my university tutor about my aims and other things, it was a pleasant and motivational conversation and in no way did she make me feel uncomfortable but I analysed it for days thinking I had come across as over confident or that my aims were too much of a high aim for someone like me.
I imagined her laughing in the staff room with the other lecturers about how I must be dreaming if I think I could achieve such things.
Admittedley, I did really aim quite high in what I want to accomplish in the future, however, I work very hard to make sure my work is the best I can do.

Ive been poorly in the past with social anxiety and suffer with cptsd.
I'm really struggling at the moment, I can feel myself slipping back into depression and have had terrible nightmares for weeks.

Should I go to my GP? Am I wasting his time?
I do a lot to help with my self care and have made massive positive changes in my life to try and overcome all the s**t, I'm just really struggling with shame to the point I feel I am such an embarrassment that I would be better off dead.
I'm not suicidal or anything, far from it atm, just generally ashamed of myself as a person.

[BishopstonFaffing]

Yes, go to your GP. Are you taking any medication at the moment?

[BishopstonFaffing]

Sorry, i realise that sounds incredonly blunt. Feelings of shame are a feature if my depression and a definite sign that things are slipping back. Strangely enough, they are made massively worse by caffeine! I'm on Sertraline and it has changed my life. Go to the GP, tell them what you have written here and access every last bit of help you can get.

[Toptheginup]

I'm prescribed sertraline although I have ran out and not been taking it properly for the last month, was fine before this tbh. Do u think its linked? Thought I was doing OK without them and could come off them, and yes, I'm a coffee drinker.
Thanks for responding x

[BishopstonFaffing]

What dosage are you on? It's really not a good idea to stop taking Sertraline suddenly. It needs to be tailed off extremely slowly over weeks and weeks. I would get straight back on it and expect it to take a week or so to feel ok.

Keep doing all the good self care stuff you are doing and take the meds regularly. Let us know how you get on.

[Toptheginup]

Well there is my answer isn't it? I just assumed sertraline was to help with the racing heart and panic, night terrors, I didn't think it would be related to my thought processes n shame feelings but I did feel better when I was on it.
I'm on 50mg, will go to doctors today for prescription xx

[BishopstonFaffing]

Well done. You may feel better sooner - it only takes me a few days to feel the benefit. And don't you dare feel shame for not working it out/posting this thread or any of the other shit! It sounds like you were doing really well until you stopped taking it. Hope GP went well.

[Toptheginup]

Well chemist refused me meds until Monday but I've had a good day and trying to prioritise things so I'm not burning myself out, thank you for your kind words x

[BishopstonFaffing]

Look after yourself over the weekend as though you are a child. Lots of sleep, a nice walk, healthy food and a bit of telly! Well done for taking the first steps.