Can past events make you a horrible person? - mental problems?

[ScreechOwlx]

A tricky one to explain! But I'll try my best without sounding a bit daft

From ages 11-16 I was bullied mercilessly at secondary school, mainly because i was different..I was poorer than my classmates who were all from a better background! They lived comfortably where as my parents worked every hour under the sun to keep food on the table and the roof over our heads, I was a bit gothic too, small and chubby while the other girls were tall, skinny and leggy! I stuck out like a sore thumb! In the end, I thought about suicide, didn't want to be around people, didn't want to go to school as I would break out into a sweat and shake just thinking about it! It got so bad my parents kept me off school for weeks! They didn't care if they got into trouble or not! I did once retaliate and slap someone..and got in a lot of trouble!..my grade suffered and so did a lot of other things! I didn't have a single friend and was very lonely!

I've been left school for 13 years now, and I just can't seem to shake the hate! I have a few of them on my Facebook and to see them all doing so well with their own businesses, marriages, nice houses gets me so angry when really I just want them to lose it all so they know how it feels! I just wish karma would hurry up and give em the ass whooping I never could!

From school I now have social anxiety, I don't like talking to strangers and when anyone tries to talk to me I clam up, I get palpitations and I just generally panic! (If I don't know them well), I'm definitely not a people person even though I work in a supermarket! I have my own children now (boy aged 6 and a girl aged 6 months) and my heart is literally in my throat all day when he's at school as I keep thinking he's going to suffer the same fate as me :/

I find myself so angry nowadays at what happened to me, that I always say if I saw anyone in the street that tormented me in school I wouldn't think twice about swinging for them or even worse dealing some damage!

I've had counselling for it but it did nothing for me! These anger pangs are just part of me I've got used to!

But can past events really make you a horrible person later on in life? Can I change my ways at all? I really need help as I'm struggling with it so much :(

[FolkestoneHypno]

Sounds like there is a lot of unresolved emotional issues going on there.
I don't believe that you are a horrible person, it sounds more like you have difficulties to let go of the past.
As an hypnotherapist, I am biased ;) , but I think that finding a competent and qualified clinical hypnotherapist will help you wind down, and help you clear those underlying emotional issues.
Generally, just a few sessions will be enough to significantly help.
Just make sure you check they are qualified via the General Hypnotherapy Register or the CNHC.
You can't change what happened to you, but you can change how you react to it.
Help is there.
Change is possible.
It can get better.

[387I2]

Maybe, but it's probably quite unusual.

Why do you have these people on your Facebook feed? They make you feel angry and perhaps sad or both. Block them! They are not worth your time. Think about nice people you have met in your life instead, even if they are few and far between it's much better to think a lot of them. Load your Facebook feed with nice pages and nice groups where people are friendly or post friendly pictures, for example pet groups where people post about their cats or dogs can be quite nice, friendly, and the pictures make you happy when you see the cute animals in your feed. It's worth a try. I read about a test where some people with post traumatic stress disorder (veterans) improved from therapy where they met dogs (it was on the telly). You could try it yourself with joining a few groups for cat or dog owners (even if you don't have an animal yourself just now) and perhaps find out if there are any shelter for cats or dogs where you may volunteer later on, should you feel you want to, or just go and visit. You could think about it, perhaps it's not your cup of tea, but then at least you've thought about it and found that it wasn't for you.

[Thinkingofausername1]

Hi I agree it can. I had a terrible time at school, it's caused a huge amount of social anxiety and insecurities about myself.
I feel threatened by people who remind me of the 'popular girls' despite leaving over a decade ago!!

[ScreechOwlx]

Thanks guys :)

Well, I thought I was ready to move on and accept them and thought their friend requests were a way of an apology, Hence why their on my Facebook..but now it's just made me feel a whole lot worse to see them doing better than me, when I really wanted to seem them in the gutter really..I'm being harsh, I know :/

I do have a cat, but she belongs to OH..if anything it's made me realise I'm not a cat person lol!

It sucks feeling like this, I thought id get over it as soon as I left 13 years ago! But it's like this constant black cloud hanging over me!

[FolkestoneHypno]

Just one thing about Facebook or Instagram. When looking at other people's accounts, remember that, at best, they are showing off the highlights of their life. A lot of people stretch the truth or only show part of it. Few people will post about their everyday struggles and insecurities or challenges.
So beware of comparing your everyday life, complete with the blooper reel, against the edited "best-of" of others.