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Can you help me - so low and anxious

(10 Posts)
thelongerhaul Thu 09-Aug-18 23:21:13

Hi all I'm sorry to be so negative and sound as if I can't cope but I really don't feel I can.
I feel sad, low, anxious, overwhelmed, ashamed of feeling like this, on edge to say the least - I am quite literally hand - wringing when I am standing or sitting quietly until I see one of my family looking at me as if to say - what are you doing. I am trying to put on a brave face.
I feel so alone and so unable to feel better. It's so exhausting feeling so anxious it's like a feeling of terror or fear.
What on Earth can I do

ThinkingCat Fri 10-Aug-18 00:13:49

Just bumping the thread for you really, but have you felt like this before? If so what did you do to overcome the feeling? If one of your friends was feeling like this, what would you say to them?

Also I'm reading a book called Ten Steps to Positive Living by W.Dryden and he says some useful things.

Firstly don't feel ashamed, he says we all need to adopt an unconditional self-accepting attitude. So just accept that you are feeling like this, we are all fallible human beings, a mix of good, bad and neutral, and don't blame yourself in any way.

Another thing he says is to accept the problem, and then generate ways you could solve the problem. So first he says to identify the problem as clearly as you can. Then generate a list of ways to solve the problem, and the pros and cons of each, for yourself and for others.

Maybe get hold of the book as it will be a long post if I try to summarise everything, but one of the things is that we can't demand that the world be different and have rigid expectations for how things should be, we have to accept how things actually are, and then we can think of ways to improve situations. So instead of feeling anxiety which is unhealthy, we should feel concern, which is a more healthy negative feeling.

thelongerhaul Fri 10-Aug-18 10:07:17

Thankyou for replying thinking. I'll look into that. I am having some intensive trauma therapy at the moment and just have to manage things as they arise.
Today still waves of fear or terror.

thelongerhaul Fri 10-Aug-18 19:31:30

.

Oddbutnotodd Fri 10-Aug-18 19:33:20

Have you tried stop breath think which is the name of an app?

Oddbutnotodd Fri 10-Aug-18 19:35:18

Sorry it’s ‘Stop Breathe Think ‘

RightyHoChaps Fri 10-Aug-18 21:45:50

Oh OP... I feel for you I really do.

You must keep going. Because there is light at the end of this dark dark and seemingly endless tunnel.

At my lowest point in my life, I remember wanting to drink bleach... I had been assaulted (sexually) and the youth organisation who I was travelling with did not respond in a supportive or appropriate manner. One of them even blamed me for one of the staff having a heart attack! I got back home and involved the police... and I had to go through this awful video interview. People who I thought were my friends rejected me. Looked at me differently, stopped making jokes around me, just generally shut me out. I felt scared to even be in my own home. I got so anxious at one point that even travelling in a taxi alone with a male driver was very distressing.

I don't know what counselling you are going through at the moment but make sure you are getting the appropriate counselling. Down here we have something called CRASAC. And don't be afraid to PM me, just to chat or find out what happened to me and what I had to do.

I had a counsellor help me piece together the event in question and sort out my feelings a bit. Cut yourself some slack... you will feel awful but allow yourself to do that. Wallow. Duvet days. I immersed myself in stuff (twas actually a video game - but it was an escape from reality). Go to counselling, go to your GP and get some anti depressants temporarily if it feels that bad.

A couple of years later, I had a breakdown and needed to have counselling again... this time it was more like dealing with repressed feelings and admitting some shameful feelings I had locked up the first time. I was scared of being judged. I was scared no one could understand. My counsellor was the only one who knew my ultimate shame... and it has stayed that way but damn it felt good to release it.

Having people to talk to (not family I'd suggest) is very important. Though if you can visit friends and family just to remind yourself of your support network... and again, I offer an ear... just to listen. The more you talk, the better, I promise.

Ultimately, though, you will regain some semblance of your self again, you will gain your confidence back, you will get there. I promise. It will take time.

thelongerhaul Fri 10-Aug-18 23:03:10

Thank you so much Rightyho. That sounds very like my experience but for a different reason.
I'm struggling with shame too right now. I feel terrible about myself and I feel overwhelmed with fear.

RightyHoChaps Sat 11-Aug-18 00:15:50

Don't feel terrible OP flowers

You will despite me saying that but try not to. Most, if not all, who have been through experiences like this experience shame, self doubt and self blame.

For me, it felt like there were lots of factors that could have stopped this from happening. But I now see that man had no right to even fucking touch me after I had said 'no'.

Things I thought I did were wrong included: flirting with him the preceding 7 days, getting very drunk on the night in question, walking up to his room to see if he was ok, fancying him at all despite me being in a relationship, not telling him 'no' more, not escaping when there were a few times I could have, walking back to my billet at 6am, showering myself and washing my clothes to get rid of that awful awful feeling, crying and putting this huge weight on everyone else around me... the list goes on.

But I promise you, despite that list, me saying 'NO' should have been enough. He should have stopped there. He didnt. And that is clearly and fundamentally wrong. This was his doing. This was his fault not mine.

There's also a common misconception that all rape and assault survivors should have had their fight or flight instinct kick in. What many don't know is that there is actually at least one more instinct that can kick in instead. One of them is freeze. Not everyone fights. Your brain recognises that staying quiet and freezing will ensure your survival. You have no control over that. There's a fourth one but I can't remember what it is... but I definitely froze.

Our society is not great at supporting people who have been through trauma. I found alot of people just found it too awkward to listen to and respond to. Which I found very unhelpful and somewhat unsupportive.

I assume your fear is over this happening again? Court process? Going to police? Family finding out?

Letitgo2018 Sun 12-Aug-18 00:42:01

Thankyou for your help.
I haven't been assaulted - it's trauma but from a different cause. But I have experienced a lot of self doubt shame and guilt.

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