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Just need to say this aloud

(67 Posts)
MyGastIsFlabbered Fri 15-Jun-18 22:16:49

If I could guarantee my kids wouldn't be harmed by it, I'd kill myself tomorrow. I'm perfectly safe because I know my DCs (8&5) would never recover from it. But I just feel so sad that I feel like this. Life feels like it's one long battle and I'm just so tired of it. I'm under MH services already and I have good days and bad days. But, I wish I could just stop.

DollyDayScream Fri 15-Jun-18 22:20:14

You need to wish that you can find a way to carry on.
If you stop, you transfer all your pain, anguish and suffering to your children.
Fight for a way to live.
I wish you luck and love.

Bombardier25966 Fri 15-Jun-18 22:31:32

I hear you MyGast. Because even on the good days you know the bad days are just around the corner. I hear you.

user764329056 Sat 16-Jun-18 02:12:10

Another one here who gets what you’re saying OP, the struggle is exhausting and soul-destroying and relentless, wish I had some words of wisdom but am feeling brain dead, just wanted to let you know that I feel every word you’re saying

Olikingcharles Sat 16-Jun-18 06:35:53

I'm on the same bus. Wish i could just go to sleep and never wake up. I'm exhausted from keeping the pretence that i'm all good when inside i'm screaming!!!

mrsbounceisflat Sat 16-Jun-18 08:42:22

I feel the same too. There seems to be a lot of us in the same boat.

MyGastIsFlabbered Sat 16-Jun-18 09:01:36

Sorry to hear that others feel the same way. It's so hard to keep on keeping on isn't it?

Chimchar Sat 16-Jun-18 09:09:45

Another here who can relate.

I hope things turn a corner for us all. brewcakethanks

MyGastIsFlabbered Sun 17-Jun-18 08:32:12

I told my dad this yesterday and he just replied 'that's life, everybody struggles'. I feel so sad that I reached out to him and got that back.

Haribogirl Sun 17-Jun-18 10:11:58

Same here, it’s a life long struggle
I hate it

The morning wake up anxiety, that’s so hard to deal with. Would love to be anxiety free
Just wish I could relax and enjoy things without the tension
No thoughts going round my head about bodily symptoms thats so hard to switch off

Struggling this weekend

colouringinagain Sun 17-Jun-18 22:48:17

I hear you OP and feel the same sad my dcs keep me here too. I'm so sorry you're going through such a tough time, and that your dad wasn't helpful.

I don't know if it's just me, but there seem to be a lot more posters in this position? (Or maybe it's just on my radar more).

Really hoping everyone can get some relief from this dark place.

colouringinagain Mon 18-Jun-18 12:06:13

mygast how are you doing?

MyGastIsFlabbered Mon 18-Jun-18 14:33:56

I'm hanging in there, same as usual. How's everyone else doing?

user764329056 Mon 18-Jun-18 19:51:29

Much the same here, putting on the veneer of coping and falling apart inside xxx

colouringinagain Mon 18-Jun-18 21:47:25

Drinking....

kayjay123 Mon 18-Jun-18 22:07:35

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

colouringinagain Mon 18-Jun-18 22:09:31

confused

FrozenMargarita17 Mon 18-Jun-18 22:15:17

I have just now been trying to google what benefits my Dh and daughter would be able to get if I weren't here anymore. I think it would be better if I weren't.

colouringinagain Mon 18-Jun-18 22:17:25

frozen I can totally guarantee your dd wouldn't be better off. It would make her more likely to experience mental illness.

Please talk to someone, anyone

FrozenMargarita17 Mon 18-Jun-18 22:23:45

colouring she wouldn't know. She's 11 months so wouldn't know any different

HollowTalk Mon 18-Jun-18 22:25:48

Of course she'd know. She'd know as soon as she was old enough to know and it would be the saddest and worst thing to ever happen to her.

If you feel like that, please, please seek help.

Slowtrain2dawn Mon 18-Jun-18 22:30:05

She would know when she’s older and she would miss you so much. You have as much right to be here and to be happy as anyone else. Your life is valuable even if you don’t know that now, things can and do change for the better. I really hope you can believe that. Look after yourself xx

colouringinagain Mon 18-Jun-18 22:35:02

Samaritans 116123. I've rung them before. They were kind and it helped

FrozenMargarita17 Mon 18-Jun-18 22:55:55

I texted the Samaritans before but it didn't help. It's hard for me to call. I can never tell people things out loud. Even when I had counselling it didn't help.

colouringinagain Mon 18-Jun-18 23:00:27

Is there anyone irl you can text? Or just keep posting

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