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I have no purpose in life(7 Posts)
I have no purpose - no job (had MBA degree from decent school which i wasted, now unemployed for several years), have depression and anxiety. dh is not emotionally supportive, I suspect he has high performing asperger. He takes stress easily over minor things and I end up consoling him. Then he becomes his normal happy self. My family lives in Asia. They are not easy to talk - very poor listening, lack of empathy. I end up listening to their problems which sometimes are very trivial in my opinion e.g. maid (house-help), etc.
I have one sibling who is very bossy. Recently we had a conversation she ended up talking to me very rude way almost felt like I was talking to some lawyer when she was the one who was in the wrong to begin with. This is the norm, she does something wrong and she gets away with it on rare occasion if I react (even mildly), she would sulk, twist words, talks to me like a lawyer. I can't help think about it for several days/sometimes week.
In theory I know what needs to be done to change the situation but in reality I find it very hard to push myself. Every night I tell myself next day will be different but it's a different story in the morning. I feel so depressed, I don't want to leave the bed. To distract myself I watch news, videos which makes me feel even worse because i feel guilty for not doing what I am supposed to do (have a routine, look for jobs, etc). I have even lost motivation to do basic house work. dh travels for work. When he is home, I do basic stuff like cooking, laundry. When he is away I don't bother. Today I had lunch after 5pm.
In a way I feel my life is over. There is no one to talk to. Nobody who really cares to listen to me. There are days when I have not spoken a word with anyone. I call dm in hope of a pleasant chat but she has nothing much to say, so I have to sit and think of questions to ask which she would answer.
I had some friends before but they all turned out to be friends who want to be with you in good times.
I joined couple of hobby classes or meetup group in the past, the only person interested in forming any friendship was a guy asking my number. I told him I am married.
I bought some art supplies months ago. I find it hard to sit with paper and colours to just paint to relax.
I end up reading stuff on internet/ mumsnet and being upset with myself for letting my sibling and friends walk all over me.
How do you turnaround your life? I think having a career and some social interaction will help me. But I just don't feel like even stepping out of home.
Is there any hope for me?
Yes there absolutely is hope. Can you get some therapy? Probably psychotherapy (not CBT). It’s all about your lack of having a parent who listened to you. It can make you feel very purposeless and empty. But therapy helps enormously.
Listen to that need you have to talk to someone who will listen. It’s really important
In a way I feel my life is over.
You are completely wrong.
How do you turnaround your life? I think having a career and some social interaction will help me.
Firstly you should turn your depression into anger. Anger twards yourself, which will be your fuel.
Secondly You are awesome. Love yourself. Or change twards the person you would love.
Thirdly you should act. Plan what you should do and execute.
Finally you should change. If
This is my recommendations, which helped me to stop my hard days. But you can ignore them.
1. Get information.
Tim Ferris book helped me. But there are lots of literature. This books are nearley the same. They don't change you. They are just starters.
2.Get some supplements for BIG CHANGE. You don't need much.
2.1 I strongly reccomend to get any
Microelements and Energy during this changes.
2.2 This might help to sustain good mental state. GABA is natural substance.
2.3 Do exercise. Yoga or fitness. Anything you like. It will give you additional dopamine.
2.4 Have schedule.
3. Set goals and make plans. This is vital. You MUST do it. No excuses.
You can turn into the best person. The person you love. Tell your dear husband about your day. What have you done. And what are going to complete next days. Control your precious life.
This will fade away:
I feel so depressed, I don't want to leave the bed. To distract myself I watch news, videos which makes me feel even worse because i feel guilty for not doing what I am supposed to do (have a routine, look for jobs, etc). I have even lost motivation to do basic house work. dh travels for work. When he is home, I do basic stuff like cooking, laundry. When he is away I don't bother. Today I had lunch after 5pm.
Agree with Ellafruit. You don't need supplements or to turn your anger on yourself (as the previous poster suggested, punitively). You would benefit from seeing someone for a while who's dedicated to listening to you. Your depression is keeping you stuck and it won't improve until you meet with someone who can help you make sense of it (in terms of your early life and how patterns formed back then in relationships affect you now). A good Counsellor or therapist will offer you some important emotional containment while you address your complex feelings about yourself and others. Look on the counselling directory website for someone local to you. Take your time reading through what they offer and try to get a sense of who you'd probably feel most like talking to. If the first one doesn't feel right, it's OK to politely let them know you shan't be returning and try another. You owe this to yourself. It won't be a magic wand but you'll notice the changes as time goes on and you'll feel more motivation to address what's holding you back.
Thanks Ellafruit and avuncularis. It's amazing how well you both understood my needs and could link it to the early life experiences. I didn't even talk about my childhood which was traumatic, neglectful and demanding.
Is there a particular type of therapy would you recommend? I tried psychotherapy before. It would open up past wounds and I felt more miserable after the session. I think it was partly because I was also impatient and would feel frustrated with therapist's questions like - is that what you think.
Don't do psychotherapy. I know it works for some people but I also have trauma and it just pushed me into a cycle of remembering what happened and having to talk about it. Didn't feel like treatment
CBT is the most common and can give you some grip with your feelings, plans etc. Please talk to your GP and try to sign up. Even having your therapist as the person to talk to about problems will be good for you
Thanks AsleepAllDay I know what you mean. It's like living that trauma all over again.But in my case, as I have a lot of time to myself, I end up thinking about trauma and hurtful behaviour. I still interact with these people and they continue to behave in their ways.
I know I need to change my life practically too. I need a career, a routine. I think CBT is good for discipling and shaking wrong patterns of thinking but sometimes it tends to dismiss even the valid feelings. I know I am going in circles. I think I have lost hope. I need a therapist who can validate feelings, can offer some practical help and who also knows about trauma. I have had enough people telling me what to do without caring to listen to me. I spent time looking for therapist and reading their profiles I didn't find one who can offer what I am looking for.
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