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Mental health

I’ve had enough

9 replies

Bumbledop · 10/06/2018 22:39

I have suffered with depression and anxiety on and off for twenty five years. Sometimes I go a few years with no issues, but I can never come off my anti-depressants. I’m feeling awful at the moment and can’t function. I’ve honestly had enough. I don’t want to go through this again. I know there’s no magic wand out there. What help have others received? I worry about the impact on my children.

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BasilFaulty · 11/06/2018 10:04

Hi Bumble, I know what you mean - I feel like I'll never be off them either. But there are things out there that can work as an alternative. Persinally I never got on with CBT but I know it worked for a lot of people- have you tried that? Yoga and breathing excercises help me. Read 'Reasons to Stay Alive' by Matt Haig, it's beautiful.
Ultimately if you're on meds for a long part of your life than so be it. People are on heart/diabetes/epilepsy meds for life. Try not to see it as any different. Flowers

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Jayneisagirlsname · 11/06/2018 10:06

Hi Bumble sorry to hear its so bad for you at the moment. Ive no real advice to give other than keep asking for help whether its the gp or friends & family.
I also worry about the effect of my mh issues on my children do I understand how much of an extra load that adds. How old are your children? Could their school help?

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Bumbledop · 11/06/2018 12:19

Thank you both for replying. Basil, I’m going to get that book. I love Matt Haig. I managed to sleep last night and woke up feeling slightly better, but I’m going down hill now. I should have seen this coming, I’ve been isolating myself a lot recently which should have been a sign. Not sure how to get through today. Hugs to anyone else going through this, it’s tough!

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CollyWombles · 11/06/2018 12:33

Bumble, with having depression for so long, you should know what helps you? When I recognise a dip, I go into 'force myself' mode, before it gets to the stage I can't. I immediately look at my diet, make sure I get back into a bed time routine and start making myself go out for walks each day. I cut out any caffeine and maybe look at getting a hair cut or a new outfit for the feel good factor. Any sad music/films/news etc goes and I will watch comedies, funny animal videos and phone friends or family for chats.

You have got this. Use all of your self help coping mechanisms and make an appointment with your GP now, before it gets too bad. Maybe a med increase.

I've accepted I will have depression and anxiety for life, whether active or in remission. It's a part of me like it's a part of you. If antidepressants are needed for life, it's no big deal. You can get through this and you will come out the other side again.

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Bumbledop · 11/06/2018 13:50

Thank you Collywombles. All great suggestions, at the mo ent it’s hard to think for myself! Am trying to get a dr appointment

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Bumbledop · 11/06/2018 16:01

I have an appointment with a gp for three weeks time. That’s the quickest I could be seen. I feel pleased that I have made a positive step, but I am worried about how I am going to get through the next three weeks. Thank you for your very kind replies. All of the suggestions are great and I will use them.

A friend visited this afternoon, but I was unable to speak to her as she needed to talk about something important going on in her life. I feel slightly lifted just by having had someone here. Sometimes hearing about other people’s problems can actually help with mine....

I feel like I am clinging on by my fingertips at the top of a very dark hole. I feel scared.

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CollyWombles · 11/06/2018 19:22

That is the nature of depression OP, as you know. It distorts your thinking and your reason. You have to challenge your thoughts, investigate them like a detective. We have hundreds of thoughts a day and most of them are plain rubbish. Just because we have a thought, does not make that thought accurate. You are not at the edge of a dark hole. You are at the beginning of a relapse, you already recognise it and you are looking for ways to come out of it.

Three weeks away is not acceptable. Are you able to phone first thing for cancellations each day or can you request a telephone appointment? You need to dig your heels in and insist on help sooner. Antidepressants that are doing their job mean you should not have relapses. This is fixable.

You felt better having someone around. Can you think of ways to be around people each day for a little while? A part of coping with depression is reaching out to your friends and family. Tell them you may be having a little relapse and ask for their support. You don't have to fight depression on your own. Ask for help. That should be another tool in your box of coping mechanisms and if it isn't, make it one. Tell them you want to hear about their day, you want to hear about their problems, and steer away from discussing depression too much. A little yes, but too much can be counterproductive and leave you dwelling on how you are feeling.

I strongly recommend getting out of bed straight away in the morning. No it's, no buts, you wake up, you get up. Straight into the shower, even if it makes you cry. Dressed from shoes to head, hair and make up done. Then breakfast, even if it is just breakfast biscuits. Something to level your blood sugar. Then out of the house for a minimum of a half hour walk. You could do all these things when your depression was under control and you can do them when you are starting to dip too. Get tough with yourself.

I know the terror of going back to that place when in the grip of depression. I was inconsolable when I first relapsed. But with every relapse, you learn to recognise them quicker, you learn more and more coping mechanisms. Get seen quicker. Even if you have to go to out of hours.

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Bumbledop · 12/06/2018 15:01

Thank you CollyWombles! It is wonderful to have such good advise from someone who obviously knows what they are talking about!

I thought of your advise when I woke up (not slept a lot tbh). I have forced myself out to walk the dog and was lucky enough to see a friend out who I managed to persuade to come with me for a coffee. I can do this, but yes I have to be firm with myself!!

Investigate my thoughts. This is new to me. I need to do this.

I have managed to book an appointment Witt the local anxiety and depression service. Not sure how good that will be. It was hard to book as the lady couldn’t hear me as I kept crying. But I stayed for and kept trying. Appointment booked.

Thank you

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CollyWombles · 15/06/2018 07:39

How are you doing Bumble?

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