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I HATE this

(11 Posts)
Mummyanne Sun 27-May-18 04:58:00

I HATE having anxiety. I HATE it!!! I have a beautiful two year old girl and I'm struggling being around her some times because of this stupid problem.

I HATE having thoughts about harming her and even killing her and my intrusive thoughts come as images and it's a traumatising!!!! I know I would never, I love my baby but when you're having those thoughts and you get anxious, you question everything. My tablets ran out and I'm going to get them tomorrow hopefully as I've had trouble getting them since changing doctors; so right now things are extra hard and me and my partner don't live together as of yet and he works full tome so things are rough.

I'm just looking for someone who has been through severe anxiety and depression and these terrible thoughts. (There so bad with my daughter but I also found myself asking my partner if he would ever hurt or kill me).

I'm so worried I will NEVER get better or something will snap where I'll go crazy or I'll change in my sleep and act on these as I don't want to and I'm just so scared I'm looking for some serious reassurance and support and also advice. I CANNOT take this anymore.

Kittycuddles Sun 27-May-18 05:18:17

Hey!

Not much comfort I can offer really because it's not comforting to just know someone has the same problems as you sometimes. Sometimes it does tho.

I have intrusive thoughts and they disgust me thinking of hurting people etc. I would NEVER hurt anyone at all EVER.

I have OCDqnd so the anxious and intrusive thoughts are a bitch

Anxietys a bitch.

It gave me agrophobia and lost most of my friends.

But the good news is that no matter how hard and scary coping with anxiety is.

You will NOT switch overnight. Generally I think if we don't notice we are acting weird. Someone else will.

If you want to message me then feel free to and I really. Hoped this helped.

Stay strong
You are not alone

Love from

Also awake at gone 5am due to anxiety!

Mummyanne Sun 27-May-18 22:09:07

@Kittycuddles
Thank you so much. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I notice after that the thoughts are fears that I have for my child like something he breaking in and strangling us or her falling down the stairs or finding a plastic bag and doing whatever and then I have thoughts that I'm carrying out these actions and it's terrible because I love her with all my heart.

When I was first diagnosed I couldn't be with her for a week because of the terrible panic attacks I had around her, I would get her stuff prepared and do stuff when other people where there but would leave it for her father until I got my medication

Kittycuddles Sun 03-Jun-18 23:43:03

Omgosh I didnt reply I'm so so sorry!!

I hope you and your lovely baby are okai and remember... There's so many other people out there feeling that way. It may not be a comfort but it sure as hell shows you that your not a psychopath! Xx

Mummyanne Wed 06-Jun-18 23:19:04

@Kittycuddles thanks for the reply! I'm trying my best. I'll get there.

Kittycuddles Wed 06-Jun-18 23:37:22

@mummyanne

Ofc you will!! I'm rooting for you babe!!

Alfwood Wed 06-Jun-18 23:48:29

I also suffer from these intrusive thoughts more so with DS2 i had terrible anxiety and depression after i had him.

Have you tried any grounding exercises when you get these thoughts i found it sometimes helps.

Mummyanne Thu 07-Jun-18 00:46:39

@Alfwood

I haven't. I'm not really sure what that is?

Skelly68 Thu 07-Jun-18 04:22:33

Hi lovely

I 100% know how you're feeling. I was diagnosed with anxiety and low level depression 3 years ago. Last year at 48 I was diagnosed with adult ADHD by a professional psychologist but my doctor refused to acknowledge or offer treatment for it.
How much sleep are you getting? Anxiety steals so many things from you. Its terrifying and isolating. I set up a closef group on facebook because I had no-one to talk to who knew how I was feeling. You might feel the same? You don't want to burden your friends and family and so you struggle and fight on your own.

If you feel you need support from other women who relate to what you're going through and can help you through it, we'll welcome you with safe, comforting arms.. www.facebook.com/groups/fruitcakeandco

Breathe deep, hug your children and know we all have your back ❤❤❤😁😁

Skelly68 Thu 07-Jun-18 04:25:09

Hi Alfwood.. ive posted a link in my message to mummyanne. Please know you are welcome anytime ❤❤❤

Mummyanne Thu 07-Jun-18 05:16:28

Thank you so much. You are all honestly so kind❤️ I'd always felt taken care off especially by my partner but just recently I've felt so alone so it's so nice to have support!

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