Not happy with Dr advice

[sausagesaurus]

Hi, I’m a regular poster but first time on this board. Name changed for this.

My DH has a recently been to the doctors about his mental health and due to recent circumstances and incidents and how he he has opened to me, I believe him to have a mental health condition, as does he.

The Dr has dismissed him telling him he has a job, a relationship and a family so he has no reason to have a mental health issue, despite everything he told him.

I being purposefully vague and the diagnosis etc isn’t really an issue, but what has frustarted us, and made me feel upset for my DH, is that he’s basically being told that he has no right to feel the way he does as he is a functioning human being.

I think this approach is dangerous and I’m fuming. I thought there was supposed to be strong focus on men’s mental health at the moment, and now my DH has said he’s being told what he’s always been told by his parents is that he has no right to feel down, to self harm, to think how he does as he’s got a good life and there are others out there who don’t.

Do you think there’s any value in me contacting his GP? It’s worth noting he didn’t see his own GP, he saw a GO who is new at the practice.

I work in this field so I don’t take complaining lightly but at this time I feel like I need to.

[treesaregreenandblue]

Could he go back and see someone else? Go with him maybe?

Sometimes I do think gps can be very 'luck of the drawer'... ie some have much more knowledge in certain areas, sympathy etc.

Very different but I knew a woman who kept taking her son back to the same gp for her newborns skin (every day for around a week). He brushed her/it off as minor. He ended up in a and e/specialist children's hospital with drs asking why on earth they were only seeing him now. (The a and e dr said she should complain about first dr).

In terms of you speaking, do you mean speak to the original dr? You say you're in the same field, are you a dr yourself? Tbh I would try seeing someone else who will hopefully be more helpful/professional? X. I don't know if this even happens, but would the receptionist know if a particular gp has more knowledge/training in mental health?

Don't give up! Your husband deserves the right help x.

[treesaregreenandblue]

O sorry, I think I have misread your post - so you're happy worh the diagnosis, and proposed treatment/way forward?

You just feel annoyed at the unprofessional dr who said that your Dh had no reason to feel that way?

Yes - you could talk to the practice manager about your concerns?. It is a very unprofessional and yes, I would say dangerous, thing to say to someone in that situation x

[Sausagesaurus]

Hi thank you for your reply.

Sorry if it’s read confusing, no there is no treatment plan/diagnosis he’s been sent away with nothing but a feeling of wasting thtime GPs time and wondering whether all those people from his past are right about him.

Yeah, I meant should I try and speak to his own GP. I’m not a Dr but I work very closely to them and I have a lot of respect for the job they do which is why it takes a lot for me to even think about complaining.

That is what concerns me, the situation you describe with the woman, I see it far too often, people who accept the first thing they are told and don’t question anything then things escalate. But I don’t really have much experience with mental health. I know GPs are not specialists and that’s fine, but I think having complete disregard is dangerous. X

[TheWomblerReturns]

So this GP thinks people with MH conditions don't have family's, jobs or relationships???

Because DH does he therefore doesn't have a MH issue


Yes... complain! He's not an educated GP and potentially dangerous...

ExH had all those things during psychosis (family, went to work and had a relationship) STILL was that unwell he needed to be sectioned ffs!

[melodybirds]

Definitely see someone else and complain. Men's mental health is so important and it doesn't matter his circumstances. I'm angry on your behalf as it takes so much for a lot of men to open up let alone seek help. It's appaling of the gp.

[TheWomblerReturns]

Even more important to flag up this GPs attitude towards men and MH

Men commit suicide more than women. Men commit suicide suddenly without warnings being spotted

Not suggesting your DH is going to, but another man walks in... gets told he can't have a MH issue... goes home and becomes the next coronation st Aiden? The GP needs educating

[lovemyboys25]

Make another appointment and be pushy, they should have at least offered you details of the wellbeing service.
We can self refer to wellbeing here can you do that? look on your NHS trust website.
Hoping he gets the help he needs. Luckily when my DH got worse again the GP we saw was fantastic, understood why he had put off coming for so long and even booked appointments in advance with herself. I think it can be hard to find a good GP x

[JamPasty]

That's bloody appalling - he should see the other GP, and also make a complaint to the practise manager

[sausagesaurus]

Thank you everyone for your replies.

I didn’t think I was overreacting but when it’s close to home it’s hard to sometimes sort the emotions out from the logic.

As some of you have said, it’s not just about my DH, is about the importance of men’s mental health, particularly now when there seems to be so much emphasis on encouraging men to talk and seek help and what happened today has pushed my DH back a good few steps.

I had been asking him for months to see his GP and he said he wasn’t strong enough, then he had a breakdown last week, culminating in me calling 999 and him thankfully realising he needed support. I feel like we’re almost back at square one now after today’s episode.

I have written a letter to the practice manager which I will hand deliver and I’m hoping my DH will summon the courage to book an appointment with another GP this week.

My DH is lucky in that he has some great support from myself and very close friends, whereas another person may be suffering alone and this could’ve tipped them over the edge. It’s yet to be seen what impact it’s had on my DH as he’s still trying to digest it, but for now he’s got me and a few others to keep an eye on him, even if he doesn’t want to talk about it.

[TheWomblerReturns]

Fuck sake OP that makes it even worse!

That GP has seen your DH's MH required emergency first aid... because they get informed

And then told him he doesn't have a MH issue or reason for it

He should receive a written warning from his practice at best

[Sausagesaurus]

Thank you for reinforcing my feelings of anger.

I’m trying to keep calm in front of my DH and I don’t want to do anything that will push him to withdraw even more. I did think about arranging a phone consultation with his GP but I don’t want to go behind his back and I know if I asked him, he would say no as he doesn’t like to cause a fuss - as he would see it.

The letter I have written has my number on it and I’ve said I expect a call for further discussion. I’m marking it for the attention of the GP partner, not the practice manager, and if I don’t hear anything by Monday then I’ll be making a visit. I’m only going to be able to deliver it tomorrow tea time so it will give them Friday to respond to what I believe is an urgent matter.

[BuffyChiro]

This makes me so angry - you are certainly not overreacting. When you are feeling so hopeless, or worthless or vulnerable, the courage it takes to go and see the gp is incredible, and to be knocked back like that is just so bloody sad and frustrating. I work for a mental health charity and, although overall it seems like the misconceptions/stigma around mental illness is dissipating, things like this happen far too often.

Personally, I have experienced depression and have seen a couple of doctors like this, but I have also had good ones - they are out there, honestly. I really hope that your husband will feel able to try again.

Please do make your feelings about this known to the practice - it shouldn’t be something that is still happening.