How can I help a friend with anxiety

[flipertyflop]

I don't want to come across as being an awful friend here but I am literally at the end of my tether.
My friend has anxiety and paranoia. I completely understand and empathise with what she is going through. She confides bits to me. She has managed to push away many of our friendship group, I always try to be the voice of reason but I feel people are standing back from me now because I defend certain behaviours (which I can live with.)
The friendship group are not bad people, they also understand but have been pushed. She uses her children to emotionally blackmail, she makes people feel that they can't be open about who they spend time with, the secrecy then feeds the paranoia. We are a large group and can't all be together all the time, smaller groups have naturally formed over the years.
From my own perspective, she often arranges days or trips but makes excuses at the last minute upsetting our plans as a family or disappointing my kids. There is always an excuse and it is always someone else's fault. I've put up with it for years but the arrangements are getting more flamboyant and leave a bigger impact when we're let down. My husband is less understanding which is also tough to deal with.
I feel like I'm an awful friend by taking a big step back, I feel she needs someone in her corner but I always have it thrown in my face. I'm made to feel like my friendship isn't good enough because she obsesses over what others in our group think of her, and that she would rather be with them so why do I bother. I know that sounds selfish but she's impacting on me now, making me feel bad about myself.
How do I deal with this situation?

[JamPasty]

As someone with anxiety - take a big step back. Anxiety is not an excuse for being an arse to your mates, and it is also possible to be an arse and have anxiety - it may not be the anxiety that's causing this, she may just be being an arse. Either way, you have to prioritise your family and your mental health. You've tried, you've done your best, it's ok to take care of you now.

[flipertyflop]

Thank you for your reply, sorry it took me so long! Busy weekend- no signal! That does make me feel better about stepping back though. Ive come across arseholes all my life and i simy dont need another in my life even yhough, deep down I know she isntva bad person.

[flipertyflop]

Typos, sorry.

[JamPasty]

No worries - I'm the queen of the typo :) Definitely step and don't feel bad about it.

[JamPasty]

And queen of the missing word too it would seem!

"step back" that should be :)

[AtrociousCircumstance]

You are responsible for your children, not your adult friend. Stop prioritising her needs over those of your kids (ie stop playing along with the elaborate plans which let your DC down again and again).

She sounds like a nightmare.

Maybe read up on codependency.

[flipertyflop]

Thank you. Big conscious step back happening. More has emerged of her lies. I have no expectations of her which is sad, as in I expect nothing she says to be followed up. @Atrocious dont worry, my kids are my no1 always.

[AtrociousCircumstance]

Good plan OP. She sounds like bad news.