School Run - I hate it... feel really down suicidal..

[Imnewhere12]

I’m a dad..but I absolutely hate the school run, I just feel that everyone is in clique’s.. I try to deal with it, and try to say hello but get blanked, then withdraw even more into myself and I think people just think I’m weird which is probably true.. I’m concerned that the mums will then talk to each other, again say don’t talk to the wierdo, and that will effect my little girls friendships.. I’m starting to believe that they are better off without me...

[Mayhemmumma]

Social anxiety/anxiety is awful, you are clearly suffering and should speak to gp.

But I promise you no one is looking/judging you. They are all rushing about themselves, they're not blanking you. Honest.

[Mayhemmumma]

If you could can you take DD to breakfast club, earlier start but fewer people to contend with. Maybe speak to school and explain

[ThisIsNotARealAvo]

There are a few cliques at my kids' school, but I don't talk to anyone really. Just drop the kids at the last minute and go.

Are they excluding your DD from things like play dates and parties? If not then it doesn't matter surely? There is pressure to be part of school gate chat and it is horrible to feel excluded but school is about your DC, not you. Also, as the kids get older there is less and less parental involvement required and it gets easier.

I am looking forward to both of mine being at secondary and going on their own! Only 4 years to go!

[Looneytune253]

I’m really shy but I will talk to anyone that talks to me. I don’t get worried if no one speaks tho. I try to see the school run for what it is, which is just to drop off the children, which does help. I don’t think the children would even notice which parents talked to be honest. It won’t affect your child’s relationships at all. Please take care of yourself and try and see someone about the suicidal feelings.

[BankHolidayYAS]

Hey!

Do you want to spend time chatting with these people? It’s easy to want to be liked but I never think the school run is the best place for friendships. All you all have in common the fact your kids go to school.
Do you have a hobby?

Honestly just dropping the kids off and leaving is great. I wish I didn’t know ANY of the school mums. 😂

[Freetodowhatiwant]

I can't speak from a mental health point of view but try not to think of people in cliques at the school gates. It's just people who chat to each other and have either become friends at the school gates or knew each other before. Not everyone can say hello to everyone and not everyone wants to all the time but I guarantee if you stood next to someone, whilst you were waiting for pick up for example, and said something friendly to them - the weather is always a good one - they would chat back.

I love the school run as I have made friends with some of the people in our class and, working from home, it's often the only social contact I have of the day. I am one of those mums, therefore, who stand around and chat to people. There are plenty of people who might see us chatting and think we are a clique but we are really not! I chat to anyone if I happen to be standing next to them when waiting for pick up and there are also plenty of people who drop/pick up and run.

[holdmybeer]

I'm a mum who feels exactly like you do about the school run. I considered going back to work full time just to get out of doing it. Breakfast club drop off is much easier as there's no standing around chatting just a polite hello to everyone who is rushing off too.

My ds has some social difficulties himself which compounds my feelings, but I've come to realise that his issues are down to his personality and are getting easier as he grows and becomes more aware of others feelings.

I promise you though your family are not better off without you. Anxiety and depression can twist our thoughts to such a belief but you are the only dad your children have and they will love and need you no matter how bad a job you believe you are doing. For what its worth, you sound like a good dad, you get up and take your kids to/from school and show them love and attention and you clearly care about them.

[Imnewhere12]

I’ve booked a dr’s appointment today...Thank you for your comments, I just feel so low, and feel awful that I’m putting my family through this..Luckily/Unluckily I don’t think anyone really knows how it feels until your go through it...

[GourmetGold]

Nothing worse the clicky cliques, yuk!!....bunches of insecure sheeples trying to desperately cling to each other.
Be proud you're NOT part of it! Honestly 'fitting in' is SO overatted!!

Sorry you're feeling so low. Does your GP surgery have a counsellor attached? I used mine years ago, around similar issues you are going through & the counsellor was very kind & helpful.
I'd recommend building up your self esteem, it makes you far less interested in the whole approval thing. I used Dr David Burns CBT books, brilliant easy exercises/tools.

[Imnewhere12]

Thank you for your comments.. I have up and down moments..I just don’t want to withdraw too much into myself.. It is helpful to know other people have gone through similar experiences.. However I pity anyone going through this hell..

[Hellywelly10]

I went through this op. Their is nothing wrong with you. I promise.

[GourmetGold]

Sorry, people can be so nasty
Remember, you are the one acting like a normal, decent human being, trying to say "hello" to them..they are the weirdos for blanking you!
Just ignore them back, they're bitches..feeling the need to bully someone every school morning is sad & pathetic...when having kids is meant to make people more 'mature & caring'...what a joke!! Obviously not the case for them!

If you'd like friendship/pleasant people to hang out with, what about sports clubs/a walking group/special interest activities? My partner is in a running club & they're a real nice bunch of people.

[Imnewhere12]

The thing is I don’t want to be that person that ignores them.. Also I have the biggest issue with My DD best friends mum, she’s the one who I’m most concerned about , she blanks me.. I’m actually not blaming her I’ve always been quiet and introverted so sho probably thinks I’m weird but as I get nothing back when I Try and say hello I withdraw even more into myself and the cycle continues.. Also I work in retail so am working every weekend so have no way to change perceptions as I can’t attend any school parties etc.. it’s shit!

[Believeitornot]

She may not be deliberately blanking you. She genuinely may not see you, I do that. Or maybe she’s anxious herself and doesn’t want to engage.

The best thing is to just get there at the right time so you don’t have to hang about.

[Babdoc]

I’m concerned by your final remark in your OP. Your family definitely wouldn’t be “better off without you”, they would miss you terribly.
If you feel so depressed that you are contemplating suicide, please tell your GP this and get some help. There are plenty of choices of medication and therapy that could lift your mood and improve your life enormously. Don’t let a few bitchy cliques at a school gate drive you to despair, or fuel your introversion and social avoidance. I hope you access appropriate help. Good luck, OP.

[BettyBaggins]

They really wouldnt be better off without you.

[Imnewhere12]

Thanks for all your kind responses, I was in a bit of a dark place but think I’ve come out the other side, I’ve realised that I’ve actually done nothing wrong, and actually I’m an alright person so boo to the haters!! Thank you all so much.

[Haribogirl]

I hated school runs, exactly your reason the cliques (childminders) mainly
There there early so to get the kids out the house.
Even my neighbour would only sometimes say hi and never include me into her group

I think it’s just a thought, because really I would of hated it
I suffer anxiety and am not extra confident
but I like to do my own thing and not put pressure on myself thinking I have to stop and talk

So if she doesn’t want to acknowledge you, that’s her problem. She’s got a bigger problem than yours then
As there nothing wrong with just saying Hi
You don’t have to have long drawn out conversation

F... em they’ve got nothing better to do than gossip

[BettyBaggins]

Cliques at the school gates, nothing changes since my school days. Avoid cliques at all costs I say. Independent thinkers are far more interesting and better role models. You are doing ok. I used to love it when my Dad picked me up. I bet yours do too.