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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

I’m ruining my child’s life.

17 replies

VeganAsia · 23/04/2018 17:43

That’s exactly what I am doing, due to my OCD, paranoia and anxiety.

I went to the GP today he said he would refer me to the CMHT.

Does anyone else here feel as if their child would be better off without them?

OP posts:

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HonniBee · 23/04/2018 17:49

I’ve felt that. But it’s just not true. Your child is definitely better with you.

My counsellor always says that you just need to be good enough for them. You don’t need to be an amazing mom every day, you just need to meet their needs. And love them. And the very fact that you’ve had this thought, shows that you love them and want the best for them.

It’s so tough to feel like this. I hope you get the support you need soon.

VeganAsia · 23/04/2018 17:51

Thank you very much.

OP posts:

mylaptopismylapdog · 23/04/2018 17:57

I can remember feeling like that but now, years on, I can see that they cope very well with their lives and have happy memories. Take any help that is offered and don’t be too hard on yourself, most people feel they get things wrong with their children at some time or other none of us are perfect!

HonniBee · 23/04/2018 19:56

How old is your child?

Whilst you’re getting your support in place, I can highly recommend Samaritans for a chat.

VeganAsia · 23/04/2018 20:04

My son is 6 - he came out of school this afternoon with a birthday invitation (my son has come a very long way, the whole of last years term he wouldn’t go to anyone’s birthday party) he really wants to go to this one, I don’t know how I am going to tell him he can’t go.

I want to let him be a child and do the things other children his days do, but I am holding him back due to my own problems.

OP posts:

Lavender928 · 23/04/2018 20:09

I agree with HonniBee. You can contact Samatitans in variois ways too ( free phone , email or text )
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Being a mum is a very tough job. You need to look after yourself too. I’m sure you’re an amazing mum. None of us will know what our parenting is like until our kids are adults themselves 😳.
Take care of yourself. I wish you all the best i

Lavender928 · 23/04/2018 20:11

Can someone take him ? Other mum or family/friend?

Cantchooseaname · 23/04/2018 20:16

My mum has mental health issues, and did whilst I was a child.
Sometimes it was hard, and somethings made me sad- but I never wished she wasn’t my mum. No matter how bad it was (and sometimes it was bad), she was always mum. And always will be. Nothing can ever change or replace that.
He needs your love. You will find a way through it.

DairyisClosed · 23/04/2018 20:19

I feel this way as the time. Not because I have any mental health problems but now because I'm a bit shit at parenting. But ultimately children are so in need of love and affection that unless you are outright abusing them they would never be better off without you. I hope that you get the help that you need.

VeganAsia · 23/04/2018 20:26

Lavender928 - The trip is to Lego Land, not this weekend but the weekend after. It says on the invitation that transport will be provided.

I am not very familiar with the other parents, as DS goes to a house school and there isn’t a school gate.

He is going to grow to hate me, as soon as he is old enough to he is going to leave to go and live somewhere else.

OP posts:

Lavender928 · 23/04/2018 20:37

Is the transport for both of you or just your son and his friends?
Why do you think he’s going to want to leave?
Cantchooseaname wrote a lovely thing about her mum. :)
Even though I’m not in the same situation as you and can’t imagine what you’re going through, couple of years ago I felt the same. That my DD would be better off without me. (She was 3then) Now I’m glad I’m still here. I look after myself more now so I can be better mum to her and her little brother.

Ski40 · 23/04/2018 20:44

I feel your pain OP, two years ago I was sat at my GPs office bawling my eyes out because simply dropping my children off to school was enough to trigger panic attacks, asthma attacks etc. I,too, feared they would grow up hating me as I was always keeping them off things I considered dangerous. I think it all came from losing a baby in 2010. There is something about holding a little white casket that just screws your head up. I live terrified of losing a child.
I was put on Sertraline which controlled the anxiety and sent to CBT to help put my fears into perspective. I still don't like other people taking my kids out but I no longer suffer panic attacks at the school gates.
My anxiety ruined so much for me, for example at the school Christmas Carol concert in my local church I would spend the entire time looking at the door, waiting for a terrorist to burst in with a gun. 😢
I stopped reading the news so much, and that helped too.
As they grow I have been able to let them go to school trips and parties more often. My fear of them hating me or growing up friendless and unhappy took over.
I still don't let them go to pool parties as I nearly drowned in a river when I was 12, but I want to work on that as I don't want them to inherit my phobias. This weekend I let my 11 year old go horse riding with friends. My stomach was in knots, I cried when she was gone, but I was proud of myself for trusting her and she had such a lovely time.
Take baby steps. It will get easier. Big hugs xx

VeganAsia · 23/04/2018 20:56

Lavender928 It is for the birthday boy and his friends. He is going to want to leave because I restrict him from doing a lot of things.

Ski40 - Thank you so much for sharing that with me, I no longer feel alone.

OP posts:

Sipperskipper · 23/04/2018 21:05

My mum had severe MH problems when I was a child. Bipolar disorder and severe depression & anxiety. I remember certain things, and her sometimes being quite unwell (she was an inpatient in a MH unit at times), but I had a wonderful childhood. Yes, certain things were different from other children, but looking back, it really didn’t matter.

I always, always felt so loved, and she is now my best friend in the world. If anything, I love and respect her even more knowing what she went through, all the while caring for me.

I suffered with PND and anxiety after my daughter was born last year. It was the absolute pits. Started on citalopram and feel myself again. Sending you lots of support.

VeganAsia · 23/04/2018 21:10

Do you think I’d benefit from taking medication?

OP posts:

Sipperskipper · 23/04/2018 21:11

I think you should ask your GP - it certainly helped me, but everyone is different.

Ski40 · 23/04/2018 21:48

Yes I would give it some serious consideration. Sertraline helped me pretty fast. I still have horrible thoughts but they no longer control my behaviour and they are easier to manage.
Talk to your GP. When I went, she told me she was seeing this a lot lately, so you, we, are definitely not alone. 💐

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