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Doctor anxiety(6 Posts)
Bit of a backstory. I had a complete breakdown about 3 years ago, leading to a very short but traumatising, stay in a MHU.
I have recovered well, have lots of support from Dh and good friends but still not 100% the person I was. I seem to have developed social anxiety but I work hard to overcome this and push myself to still socialise, which I generally enjoy once I get over the build up and anticipation of the event.
When I was very ill, I was open and honest with gps, CMHT, psychiatrists and counsellors. I wanted to get better and I've worked hard.
Since I've been ill, I am prescribed Sertraline for d and a and quetiapine (small dose, initially for anxiety, now for sleep only) I put on 2 stone in about 6 months and I was diagnosed with T2 diabetes. I take Metformin which was initially prescribed to help PCOS. Only Dh knows I have T2 diabetes.
Now, to today, I seem to be in complete denial about my health. I am irresponsible with taking my meds and often don't take them for days at a time. I don't take the quetiapine at all, even though I probably should but I can't face even more weight gain and I don't like the way it makes me feel.
I avoided going on a diabetes awareness course, I haven't booked in foot or eye checks, I need to go for blood tests as they are over due and I am supposed to go for a review at the doctors where they've asked me to book a 40 minute slot. I'm eating all the wrong things.
I am exhausted all the time, I've had a sore left arm for months (like an ache starting in my elbow), I have a sore on my nose which is taking ages to heal and I look like absolute shit - pale, tired, dark circles. I'm also having horrific cold sweats at night.
I can't make myself go to the doctors! I don't understand why. Every time Dh brings it up, I feel so panicked and I can't make myself do it.
What on Earth is the matter with me?? Why can I just go to the GP?
Don't know what I'm asking really but wanted to actually get it out somewhere.
You haven't had any positive experiences from going to the doctors, thats probably why. Why not order a couple of books about T2 diabetes and read up on the topic? Yours could be connected to the weight gain, thus reversible. Do you need all those other medicines? Seemed to me to be a rather long list. Maybe time to discuss how to stop eating one or more of them, and find other ways of coping (meditation, going for long walks, whatever people do.) That (stopping) could be a topic for your next GP visit.
Thanks for the replies. Yes, it's definitely connected to the weight gain but I seem hell bent on sabotaging any weight loss attempts. I lost a stone initially then seemed to just get into this rut of actively choosing the wrong things. I know as I'm eating something that it's completely wrong but I can't seem to stop myself. I realise how pathetic this sounds.
I'm not sure I can even make myself have a phone consultation.
I am a bit scared that I'm more mentally unwell than I recognise at the moment but then it seems to manifesting in a different way to last time.
Yes but it could be the other way around too, that you're more mentally stable than you realise. Check out what Dr Michael Mosley (the tv doctor) has said and written about diabetes. Maybe the 5:2 diet could work for you, there's a special thread about it here on Mumsnet!
Thanks. I'll have a look. Not sure I can make myself do any diet at the moment though. I really am aware of how negative and pathetic I sound 🙁
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