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had enough don't know where to turn

(19 Posts)
bluebell1982 Tue 13-Mar-18 21:22:28

I just don't know what to do anymore. I have no fight left in me yet I keep going cos I'm pregnant. Pregnant with a man I have been with only 8 months. He tries his best but I still feel like he doesn't care in the way i need. Maybe that makes me selfish and ungrateful.

I am depressed and anxious. My previous relationship of 10 years broke down only a month before i met my new partner. We broke up because it wasn't a physical relationship, never was, we were just good friends. He was my best friend and always knew how to support me and validate my feelings. My new partner I feel doesn't and it makes me feel alone and uncared for although he is trying.

I am still living in the house I own with my ex, but with my new partner. I am selling this house and buying something else with my new partner. I feel a massive amount of stress, the baby will be here in 5 months, on top of that I will be financially reliant on a man i am in a new relationship with and have known for 8 months, I havn't told work I'm pregnant yet as I have only just passed my probation. I live over 100 miles away from family. My previous partner moved on within a few weeks of us breaking up and is already engaged to someone new. We don't talk anymore to be fair to our new relationships, unless it's about the sale of the house. The house I am buying is subject to a ridiculous chain so I have no hope of it working out and definitely not in the timescale i need due to the baby being due in 5 months.

I am currently sitting in the spare bedroom freezing, heating broken, only had toast for dinner, cos of argument had with partner over something small for him but was a big deal for me. He has shown no understanding or flexibility. He has left me here. I told him it's a joke and he told me to F-off. I feel so sad for my baby. I am already seeing a counsellor and CBT therapist. I'm a lost cause and so is my life.

bluebell1982 Tue 13-Mar-18 21:31:46

Hello is anyone there? PLEASE help me. Please

QuiteLikely5 Tue 13-Mar-18 21:35:58

I’m afraid to say in your position I would abort or st least face up to the fact this man does not seem right for you.

Exercise and healthy eating may boost your mood

Consider visiting your family for the weekend whilst you clear your head

Ask for this to be posted in relationships as you will get more responses there

adayatthebeach Tue 13-Mar-18 21:40:43

Put on your big girl pants and more clothes. Get up and do something about the heating and make yourself something decent to eat. Do what’s best for you and your child. You moved way to fast with the new man but that’s done. If you want to make it work talk to him. Your emotional and that’s understandable but you can’t let another person be in charge of your happiness.

bluebell1982 Tue 13-Mar-18 21:41:46

There's no way I would abort a 17 week old baby. I have enough to live with let alone that on my mind.

Never mind. Thanks anyway! Think I'll ask for post to be deleted tbh

bluebell1982 Tue 13-Mar-18 21:43:32

the heating is broken, until the plumber attends.

QuiteLikely5 Tue 13-Mar-18 21:49:44

Apologies I did not realise how far along you were

Consider requesting it be moved and not deleted.

Many helpful folks on here

Bethjakemad Tue 13-Mar-18 21:56:11

How are you feeling? X

AmberCurtain Wed 14-Mar-18 10:01:37

Is there no way you could move closer to your family?

bluebell1982 Wed 14-Mar-18 13:41:33

Bethjakemad and AmberCurtain - thank you. Unfortunately I cannot afford to live where family are. I moved over 100 miles away from them with my ex of 10 years a year ago but we split up. I am now left here. I'm feeling so much pain and hurt and so alone. My current partner who i am pregnant with tries but is struggling to understand depression, not only that think the pregnancy hormones are making it worse plus the many sudden changes i have had to adjust to in a short space of time (moving, splitting up, new partner, new job, away from family, pregnancy, depression, anxiety...). I am seeing therapists but my partners reactions to me get me so down and desperate. I feel a mixture of numbness, guilt, sadness, embarrassment...i feel sick to see my partner later as I feel so ashamed and also not able to be close to him at all cos I am so hurt, he just left me crying in a ball on the floor all night, cos he claims he doesn't know what to do. But he did manage to shout at me to stop crying cos of the baby. I already apologise to my baby every day.

bluebell1982 Wed 14-Mar-18 13:51:08

adayatthebeach and QuiteLikely5 - I will politely decline your advice thank you. I was at my lowest last night reaching out for help from strangers on this forum, and quite frankly both your responses did nothing but cause more harm. Please think before you next speak. You do not know who you are speaking to, their state of mind or personal circumstances. I did mention in my post that I have depression so why you think my post needs moving I don't know. You both clearly have no understanding of depression or compassion and therefore no ability to recognise your cold comments are nothing but unhelpful.

bluebell1982 Wed 14-Mar-18 13:56:48

QuiteLikely5 - Exercise and healthy eating may boost your mood? Thank you. Although I accept these things can go towards aiding recovery, this is basic and has an underlining message that laziness is the cause of my mental illness. 101 things not to say to someone with depression. I'm sorry I do not wish to sound ungrateful but I find it so patronising. People in depression need non-judgment and someone just to say 'hi, I'm here let's talk' not obvious cliched advice.

Newmumin2017 Wed 14-Mar-18 14:02:12

I really feel for you and all those pregnancy hormones make difficult situations even harder to deal with. When you post on here you do get very mixed responses though so you need to be prepared for that. There are some lovely supportive ladies who take time to give thoughtful advice but also many smug people who aren’t able to feel empathy for people in different situations.

Pregnancy is a bad time to be making big decisions unless you absolutely have to. Do you think you can cope until baby is born? Are you able to have a frank discussion with your partner about how you are feeling? Also, community midwives and GP are usually very supportive in my experience.

adayatthebeach Wed 14-Mar-18 14:38:04

I was trying to get you off the floor and out of your head for a while. Moving and putting one foot in front of the other. I was trying to be helpful. Sorry if it was too tough love. flowers

Bethjakemad Wed 14-Mar-18 18:26:25

Bless you I too have suffered this awful thing, I know you can’t see it but you are going to be ok abs a great mum. No need to apologise to your baby. I feel quite bad some days. I try to think of ten things I’m grateful for before I stand up. Write down some goals however small they are or big I find if I have nothing to aim
For then I feel terrible, you will get through this abs depression is just the worst feeling ever but you can abs you will beat it xxx

MovingAgainOhWhy Thu 15-Mar-18 21:11:54

Jeez telling a depressed pregnant lady to have an abortion shock is really not helpful

bluebell I had some very tough situations when I was pregnant with my DS1. Tbh the main thing that got me through was my Mum. Can you talk to someone in your family about this situation? Maybe they could come visit you? You need TLC.

Also, you don't have to stay with your partner just because you are pregnant. I split up with ex when I was pregnant with DS1 and it removed lots of stress.

As you have no family near you, you really need to consider options long term so you can get the support you need, including ways you can move closer to family. It is also hard when family are far away when you have a newborn.

I definitely recommend talking to Midwife about low moods, pregnancy can exacerbate depression.

I hope you are feeling better today, you are not a bad person and your baby is growing safe in your womb regardless of how much you cry flowers cake smile

Bethjakemad Thu 15-Mar-18 22:38:23

Hey bluebell, how are you doing today xxx

Bethjakemad Thu 15-Mar-18 22:38:34

Hey bluebell, how are you doing today xxx

Bethjakemad Thu 15-Mar-18 22:41:18

You’re not alone there are lots of us here for you, we all have different strengths so use us and draw on those strengths, we can help you. And we want to xxx

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