Counselling and childcare

[24carrot]

I think I might have PND or possibly even have had a mild clinical depression for years without realising it. I am a sahm with three children, 6, 3 and 4 months old and I don’t have any family nearby or really anyone who can help much (all my friends are busy with their own small kids). Anyway I’ve made an appointment to see the GP to discuss this for the first time. No idea what to expect but I would be keen to try counselling as there are many factors that I think are affecting my mental health and I would like help unpicking it all. However I’m anxious about the fact that I have the baby with me at all times (and the older two in school holidays) - has anyone else taken a baby to counselling sessions please? Can you do that? Making a regular arrangement for babysitting just feels totally beyond me, for a start I would have to discuss the reason why and I don’t want to. DH could do it but do counsellors work at weekends? Any advice appreciated thank you!

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

You absolutely do not need to tell anyone the reason for needing childcare. If it’s a professional arrangement or family/friend then just lie! Say you need physio or to see a podiatrist or something.

Good luck.

[24carrot]

That’s a good point, I hadn’t even thought of that, thank you. I have no idea how many sessions counselling would last - does it not go on for years sometimes?! I would pay for it if I had to and don’t want to get sucked into something that never ends because someone wants my £ - how do you stop that happening? Sorry, so many worries, these have all stopped me in the past from exploring this as an option.

[snackarella]

It depends when you feel like you can go forward and deal with things alone I suppose.

I've paid privately to see a few and have gelled with any so have never carried on 😏 if you find a good one you click with I think they're great but I gave up, good luck x

[PlugUgly1980]

I was referred for counselling by the midwife who delivered my son (long story!), but after my initial appointment the rest were all telephone based sessions, so I didn't need to worry about childcare and my counsellor was very understanding if baby cried or needed settling. Ask what's available in your area, you might find childcare isn't an issue.

[TresDesolee]

I think re taking the baby with you, it would be between you and the counsellor. If it’s emotionally important for you to have the baby with you, this might be an interesting way to find out whether individual counsellors you contact are the kind of person you would gel with and work well with.

No ethical counsellor would carry on working with you past the point that they felt it was useful. (I’m not saying it can’t happen, but a good counsellor wouldn’t do it.)

If you start to feel the fog clearing, feel better, feel you have made real progress and don’t need to continue, you’ll be ready to tell the counsellor you want to stop. Again, any good counsellor wouldn’t put pressure on you to continue past this point. A really key part of counselling is that the client wants to be there.

Good luck - it can be a lottery finding the right person, but if/when you do you’ll know

[24carrot]

Thank you all so much for replying. Asking for childcare/support/time to myself is such a big part of the problem for me, it is so ironic...

[TresDesolee]

I think that’s really common. I don’t mean that dismissively, it’s a difficult barrier to get past. You deserve to feel better and you deserve the time and money it might take to help you get there. You’d do it for your kids without a second thought, so maybe try to think of it that way. Your kids will benefit from having a happier mum.

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

That might be a pro to using a professional childcarer, I certainly wouldn’t ask what you were doing, bar saying a regular appointment I wouldn’t think much of it. My job is to look after little ones and as long as I get paid I don’t even think about what parents might be getting up to.

[EssentialHummus]

I take/took DD with me to twice-weekly psychotherapy sessions; when she was younger she'd zonk out on the couch, now (6 months) I bring a toy for her. I've also set up a childcare swap with another mum - something to consider?

[WhereIsBlueRabbit]

I'm aware of a few counsellors in my area who focus on new mums and allow babies under 18 months to accompany you.

Another option might be Skype counselling, or telephone counselling?

If you do go for childcare, I would recommend booking a babysitter for longer than you actually need - say you have an hour's counselling plus travel time, I'd add another hour onto that so you have some time to process the session/get a cup of coffee/find somewhere quiet to sit, whatever. Sounds indulgent but it will help! Good luck