‘Depression’ or normal response to life and any advice about anti-depressants please.

[Namechanger04]

I see so much about depression and anxiety being illnesses that just come out of nowhere and I’m sure they do for some people - don’t get me wrong. Basically I feel like I’ve been ‘depressed’ all my life, I had a really shit upbringing so I don’t know what it’s like to feel ‘normal’. I manage to pretty much hide my feelings from everyone now except DP. It would be super stressful going to a GP and actually telling someone I feel like this and I’d feel like I’d be lying if I said I think I have depression because I don’t, I just feel like I’ve had a really shit upbringing and I’ve actually turned out alright considering.

If I’d had a ‘normal’ start in life I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t feel this way so for that reason I feel really apprehensive about any kind of medication. Surely I can’t just medicate all my issues away? It can’t be that easy? Counselling would help I think but I just can’t afford it for another couple of years at least. A family member has a lot of money and I’m pretty sure they would pay if I asked but again I would just find it so so stressful admitting this to them.

Has anyone else felt like this? Is medication worth a try?

[myidentitymycrisis]

I believe my long term depression is due to my poor upbringing OP, hand in hand with low self esteem and isolation.
Ive been on/off AD's for many years - started when I was about 32, now in my early 50's.

Like you I also felt that I shouldn't need AD's, that's why I was on and off them, but in the end I resigned myself to it because the talking therapy available to low incomes is so limited and CBT was so pushed as the bees knees, and was useless for me - it only acts in a limited way for tangible difficulties in my experience.

I've also had on - off counselling and now I'm about to start Psychodynamic psychotherapy on the NHS.

So my advice would be do talk to your GP and be honest about your mood and what you believe causes it.
Maybe you don't have depression, it will be measured on the impact it has on your quality of life.
They may well suggest lifestyle changes first, exercise, etc. Be open to giving everything a try.

[Namechanger04]

Thank you myidentity I think CBT would be useless for me too. I did try counselling when I was younger but I just wasn’t ready. Now I’m so ready but it’s too late.

[myidentitymycrisis]

Its never too late Name.
Don't give up on making your state of mind and the rest of your life better, or at least trying.

I did feel for some time that the counselling I had in my 30's was wasted
as I wasn't ready to face things. I can recall at least two professionals nudging me towards confronting my DM but I was not prepared/able to do that. I then berated myself, even judged myself, as wallowing in self indulgence, if I wasn't able to take steps to move forward. But now on a good day I see it as preparation for the major 'work' that is hopefully to start in the coming months.

We just have to keep revisiting things.
As I have matured I see things in different ways and maybe that makes one more available for exploring the past through counselling.

[Namechanger04]

Thank you myidentity. Good luck with your therapy .