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I need help.

(4 Posts)
Gigimoll Sat 10-Feb-18 17:00:02

I moved out with dp last March. A month before dd was due. She came and because his family kept pestering me in the first fragile week (kept coming over and intruding and I'm too polite) they kept saying my home wasn't tidy and threatening to report me. I also looked dreadful was another comment and they all constantly kept bringing up my brothers suicide which happened in our living room. It lead to ppd and I couldn't bond with dd. I wanted to breastfeed and they kept taking her off me.
We soon bonded after and she's wonderful.

So we've been very low on money always cause he can't be arsed to get a better job due to his manic depressive state and his anxiety and worry. Honestly, if I was him, I'd be searching high and low for a better job to support my family. But I'm doing it all. When dd was 9 weeks old, our contraceptive failed and I'm expecting ds next month. Really not what I wanted and I'm doubting myself and considering giving him up for adoption for a better life. I can't grow attached to this pregnancy as it's not what I wanted. I love him so so much but he time isn't right. I can barely afford dd never mind him. I've got most of his things myself. Dp not contributing anything.

So last December he lost his job and refused to sign on. (he did it 3 weeks ago) my benefits have stopped. I work part time and I'm spending every day there struggling with sciatica. I come home to a messy home that I spend all my 5 mins with dd asleep cleaning and disinfecting. I keep asking him to help but I get a classic game addict "I'm busy". No you're not. You're on a fucking game. Last night he just yelled at me because I nearly passed out. I'd done a 9 hour shift at work and come home, sorted dd out got her to sleep and spent til 1am cleaning and back in work again at 7 this morning. As well as doing most of the night shift with dd. I'm tired. I felt like I was going to faint.

So I have no money. My income is 520 a month. He's claiming income based jsa and its processing so I'm paying the full amount of council tax, trying to squeeze in rent if I can. I'm scraping. I'm barely living. My child benefit all goes on dd and I'm going without for dd and dp. He never goes without as he's always getting money from his nan for his games.
Meanwhile I'm sat here not having anything for myself since before I was pregnant with dd. All my money would go on her anyway in a heartbeat but it isn't the point. It's my birthday soon and I've had to plead for money so I can buy myself clothes when really it'll go on bills and paying off the debt he put me in. Ive sold everything and lost everything I held dear to me.

DD hasn't been very well and I've had to go to work and come home to her screaming. Which is fine, she's poorly. But then he just randomly said "she needs more toys, she's bored so I can't do anything all day" like I don't know she does but I can't afford them right now. I feel like the world's shittest mom that I can't even provide properly for her never mind another child. I'm trying to not get too attached to him as I'm seriously considering a better life for him via adoption with a family who can give him better than me. It'll kill me. It really will. But I don't see this situation getting any better.

I need help. I'm selling everything I have left in the world to keep a roof above my dds head. She's my priority. But I feel I can't give her enough. I know it's not about toys, etc. It's about love and spending time with her. But I just feel so sorry for her that at the moment I can't give her anything.

Grammar Sun 11-Feb-18 19:09:33

I can't say anything except I will be thinking of you tonight. So sorry for you.

SandysMam Sun 11-Feb-18 19:13:17

Speak to women’s aid about leaving the useless bastard. You will probably be entitled to all sort of benefits as a single parent. Don’t give your baby up, give him up!

WeeCheekyBird Sun 11-Feb-18 19:18:03

So sorry about the situation you're in.

Your partner sounds completely useless and his family sound awful.

You would be better off on your own from the sound of it. Why are you with him? (Beyond having children together). You deserve better than that. Do you have any family that can help out in the meantime?

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