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Does anyone else feel guilty about their depression.

(23 Posts)
LeslieKnopefan Fri 09-Feb-18 02:04:25

I feel so guilty sometimes that I’m depressed.

When seeing therapists etc they ask me about my childhood and I can only answer that it was as perfect as anyone could hope, loving parents who supported me and pushed me without pressure.

I’ve also had an adult life many would be jealous of and on my good days I can see that but on my bad days which are most days at the moment I dwell on what has gone badly, what I don’t have. How I’m still single in my 30s and don’t have children. How my career hasn’t gone as well as I hoped etc.

I just feel guilty that I have a very lucky life but here I still am unable to get out of bed most days and crying myself to sleep.

HuskyMcClusky Fri 09-Feb-18 02:08:00

Yes. I could have written your OP, word for word.

I still remembering overhearing my dad say to my mum ‘What has she got to be depressed about?!’

I don’t really have answers, just wanted to say you’re not alone. flowers

LeslieKnopefan Fri 09-Feb-18 02:12:46

Thanks that means a lot and don’t worry about not having the answers sometimes people just understanding is what’s most important.

My parents have luckily never said that which must have you so much but I’m sure others think it. A friend told me tonight to just man up and get a job.

I find my mum just wants to fix it, she finds it so hard she can’t just make it better. My dad is better at just listening and giving me a big hug.

frozenlake Fri 09-Feb-18 02:18:36

Depression is an illness, people with cancer aren't asked what in their past has meant they have contracted cancer. There are factors that can aggrevate illness but at the end of the day you can just be unlucky and suffer from any illness. Be kinder to yourself.

LeslieKnopefan Fri 09-Feb-18 02:34:15

Thanks Frozen flowers

I need to keep remembering that.

littlelobby Fri 09-Feb-18 04:09:38

I also could have written this post word for word. I am in the exact same situation and I feel so guilty about it, which only makes it worse as you say. As the poster above said, not helpful, but you are not alone.

LeslieKnopefan Fri 09-Feb-18 04:20:44

It is so much more helpful than you realise. To know you aren’t the only one to feel the way you do. That I’m not alone.

Tomorrow I’m going to try and be nicer to my sister, I was pretty horrid to her today mostly out of jealousy as I really envy her life at the moment. But as my Dad pointed out I wouldn’t want her to have a bad life and he’s right, she’s great and deserves all the lovely things she has.

MsJuniper Fri 09-Feb-18 04:45:02

That's exactly how I felt when I had depression. It's one reason why people trying to fix you / suggest reasons / things you can try isn't helpful as it puts the burden back onto you. It's an illness. It's ok to feel like this.

diodati Fri 09-Feb-18 04:47:57

I'm sorry you have to cope with feeling guilty about your illness as well as the illness itself, OP! I've struggled with depression since early childhood but I can't ever recall feeling guilty about it. Angry that it wasn't diagnosed sooner, certainly, and appalled that social ignorance continues to feed the stigma surrounding this illness but never guilty. Please be kind to yourself.

twoplytwoply Sat 10-Feb-18 12:32:27

Depression makes you feel guilty as well as all the other awful things it does. It's a symptom.

I'd suggest you haven't found the right therapist yet.

LeslieKnopefan Wed 14-Feb-18 03:50:39

Yes I am going to look for someone private to see, luckily I am able to afford it.

I was able to be a lot nicer to my sister and did apologise for my behaviour towards her. I don’t want to drag her down, I want to be as happy as her!

Penguin27 Wed 14-Feb-18 04:15:35

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. You are definitely not alone. Well done for making it up with your sister, I hope she understands and is kind to you.

Although I have things in my past which have affected me, I'm sure I've worked through those issues and still had depressive episodes without any apparent "reason". Feeling guilt, about being depressed and any/everything else, is part of having depression and will ease with the right treatment.

Husky, my dad said the same to me once - so thoughtless and hurtful flowers

LeslieKnopefan Wed 14-Feb-18 04:22:59

Thank you for the kind words.

Other positives is that I broke down on my parents and told them more about how I feeling, it’s hard as I don’t want them to worry (they do!) but they were super supportive and kept reminding me I was ill and to stop blaming myself. I also got to tell them how grateful I am for the wonderful childhood I had and how much I appreciate them as parents.

Also bumped into a friend I had been avoiding as I couldn’t cope with telling her how ill I was. She has had a really rough life and again I felt I couldn’t tell her because I didn’t want her to judge me. She gave me the biggest hug and told me to stop avoiding her and that she was always there for me.

On the bad side I’m awake at 4.30am and struggling to get out of bed in the day as I prefer living in my dreams than my real life.

HuskyMcClusky Wed 14-Feb-18 04:49:32

Husky, my dad said the same to me once - so thoughtless and hurtful

Thanks, Penguin, that’s kind of you. I’m sorry you had the same. It makes you feel horrible and even more useless. On the face of it, it’s correct - I am more fortunate than the vast majority of people in the world. Which makes me hate myself more for not dealing with life.

Leslie, avoiding people is a massive issue for me. I haven’t seen one of my oldest friends for over 12 months. She is lovely but I know she will patronise me to death and I don’t think i can bear it. flowers

smithsinarazz Fri 16-Feb-18 21:56:39

Hi sweetie. It's one of those awful spirals: "I'm really depressed. Therefore I can't get anything done / aren't good company / can't be arsed to get my hair cut. Therefore I feel guilty. Therefore I'm even more depressed."
Which means that the way out is circular, too: in order to get better, as a wise friend said to me once, you need to think as well of yourself as possible. Easier said than done, I know - but we can see already that you are conscientious and kind, and can write well.

chocolateworshipper Sat 17-Feb-18 21:59:19

I recommend reading "Depressive Illness, The Curse Of The Strong" by Dr Tim Cantopher. It made such a difference to me being able to accept my MH problems.

colourdilemma Sat 17-Feb-18 22:17:21

I constantly feel guilty for the way my anxiety and depression affect my family. It has a destructive effect in itself; because I feel guilty, I avoid things and people and therefore feel even worse.

LeslieKnopefan Sun 18-Feb-18 01:47:00

Thanks for all taking the time to reply. Knowing others are out there feeling the same really helps me feel better.

Chocolate - I’ll get that book thanks.

Umakemefeellikedancing Sun 18-Feb-18 02:05:54

Dh thinks all I do is moan, everything that comes out of my mouth is negative etc.

LeslieKnopefan Sun 18-Feb-18 06:31:27

Unmake - sorry to hear that.

I do have some people I know, not friends but aquantinences who like to tell me to man up and get a job. I just try and ignore it.

Lucky my parents are happy to just listen and be there for me.

Deborah543 Sun 18-Feb-18 06:45:27

Yes definitely. I'd say guilt drives my depression.
Guilt that I'm white, privileged and rich and had an amazing childhood.
I was also brought up Christian and my grandad was a methodist minister in Zimbabwe. I am proud of him, almost concider him a Saint, but also ashamed of the Christian culture as a whole and the sorry state of the country. I'm also ashamed at some of the hate trump culture, ukip and bnp, preaching fear and hate in the name of God. Just like Muslim terrorists they claim to be their enemy. So, I have an identity crisis.

Guilt that I am not happy to have a stable secure job in the NHS.

Guilt that I could be making my mum feel guilty and doubt her parenting.

And the thing that tipped me over was Guilt that I'm pregnant and have mixed feelings.

Guilt that I'll never be as good a mum as my mum.

Guilt that I drove my husband to start drinking and vaping again with my depression, moaning and not taking responsibility round the house. (he's stopped now)

I could go on....

depthsofdespair Sun 18-Feb-18 06:58:44

Hell, yes. I needs a good kick up the backside and to pull myself together and stop being so bloody useless.

Deborah543 Sun 18-Feb-18 07:21:59

Guilt, Leslie that people like you would love to be in my position. But sometimes I just want to run away, travel and just relax and have fun and not have any responsibilities.

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