What is wrong with me? Anyone else experienced this?

[SuperMam123]

Hi all, I have suffered with depression in the past but that is under control. What I have come here to talk about tonight I have never experienced before. I have been cooking family meals for a good few years now, always from scratch and always enjoyed, but lately I want to throw away everything that I cook. Things that I have cooked 100 times before I am all of a sudden questioning if I have cooked it properly and I am so afraid of giving someone food poisoning i am throwing everything I cook in the bin before even dishing it up (should add that I have never poisoned anyone before in all my years of cooking). I haven’t eaten a proper meal in days because I have one taste of it and think ‘but what if I haven’t cooked it properly and make myself ill’ then throw it in the bin. I am constantly feeling sick because I am convinced that I’ve given myself food poisoning. I am cooking my family’s meals to the point of burnt. I don’t know where this feeling has come from. It is completely irrational but it is making me feel so miserable. I have been under some stress lately and wondered if it was some formation of anxiety. I have a doctors appointment next week but in the meantime I wondered if anyone else had suffered a similar experience and how it was overcome. Plus, just need a chat really! Thanks in advance.

[FissionChips]

It does sound like anxiety. I hope your GP appointment goes well

[SuperMam123]

Thank you FissionChips

[SpringSnowdrop]

Oh I am sorry, this sounds really hard and yes it does sound like an anxiety as there’s absolutely no reason why your cooking wouldn’t be fantastic and just as safe and healthy as always has been. I agree good to see GP. I was also strongly recommended inositol (think also called vitamin 8?) for anxiety . I hope you can get some support and well done posting here as hope others can help

[domesticslattern]

That does sound like anxiety. I echo others who say it is good you have a GP appointment. You sound very rational about it, which is good
I wonder if you can identify some kind of trigger, maybe in the past? I am wondering if your mum once accidentally undercooked something or if there has been some kind of incident involving food preparation in the past? Sometimes it is possible to put your finger on something by identifying the incident and that your sub-conscious is just picking it up and really running with it.

[SuperMam123]

Thanks for replying. Inositol, is that a prescription medicine? I don’t do so well with things like antidepressants and the like so I’m concerned about any medication the Dr might suggest. Is it like any other vitamin or is it like the stuff that knocks you for 6?

[SuperMam123]

Hi domesticslattern, I do have a reflux problem that has been really playing up since Christmas and I am also emetophobic. I’ve had therapy for that so not as bad as I used to be but old habits can die hard sometimes. The reflux makes me feel sick which then makes the emetophobe in me raise its ugly head, in turn causing panic attacks so more feeling sickly. As I’ve said, I have been under some stress recently which makes the reflux worse and the above cycle starts again! I’ve never really associated it with food in this way though. I’ve always cooked so that I know it’s done and not going to make anyone ill. I’ve not managed to make the link yet but i think you’re right in that it’s something really running away with me.

[domesticslattern]

Sounds like you have some good insights there... You suggest the stress is aggravating your reflux which is making you panic which makes you feel more stressed and so it goes round and round. It sounds like a very strong physical thing which must be horrid
So two things.... can you do anything about the source of the stress or the way you handle it? And can you revisit in your mind the therapy you had for emetephobia to remind yourself what worked/ even go back to the therapist for a top-up?
And in the short run, can the rational part of you accept that it is v v hard to poison yourself with vegetarian meals so to concentrate on those for a bit?

[SuperMam123]

Wow are you psychic? Lol it’s like you have read my mind in some places there. I have been to the supermarket today and bought in some ingredients for vegetarian recipes I’ve looked up as I figured you can’t really poison yourself with veg and I thought they may be easier on the stomach too.
I have thought about having a top up with the therapy for my emetophobia, I’m just plucking up the courage to face it all again.
As for the stress it’s something I can’t really see a way of escaping at the moment and I feel that it’s the stress that is having the biggest impact. I kind of feel trapped in my relationship due to children and step children being in the mix. I’m not mistreated, I just don’t feel cared about and feel that it’s all about him and his feelings that matter. I used to feel strong and unbreakable but I feel more like a doormat as time goes on. I haven’t a clue how to handle stress, never been good with it.
As for the reflux, nothing I do eases it up. I’ve doubled up my medication as instructed by GP and take 4 anti sickness tablets a day since Christmas. That constant sickly feeling is really getting me down. Thanks so much for helping to break it down with me, I feel a little calmer for having your input. It doesn’t seem so chaotic in my head.