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Do other people who are not depressed feel suicidal?

(9 Posts)
onlyconnect Fri 02-Feb-18 18:45:13

I realise that sounds contradictory. I'm not generally depressed and luckily have had only two bouts of depression in my life: one over 20 years ago and one of PND about five years ago. I sometimes feel what I'd call "low" for a few hours, a day or on-and-off for a few weeks but it never lasts long enough to see my GP about.
My life is pretty good: two lovely kids, good relationship, comfortably off, a part-time job I enjoy.
BUT I quite often feel that I just want to die. This can be triggered by a small hassle or by just feeling low as described above. I don't tend to feel it when something really bad happens like the death of a relative. When I think about killing myself, it's a relief to imagine that I could end it all. I don't make detailed plans but think broadly about how I might do it. I think about what I'd say in a suicide note to my partner and children. I find it almost comforting.
Thinking like this has been part of my life for a long time. I don't tell anyone and have no idea whether anyone else feels the same.
I'd be very interested to hear some thoughts on this.

vitaminC Fri 02-Feb-18 18:50:06

I experienced this when taking the pill Cerazette! It's not happened at all since I stopped it.
Are you on any long-term medication?

onlyconnect Fri 02-Feb-18 18:54:44

No long-term medication at all.

OohYouAreAwful Fri 02-Feb-18 23:47:00

Yes. Having been depressed on and off since I was a teenager, I seem to have got into the habit of suicidal thinking. Thing is, I know that my suicidial thoughts are mostly just a habit at the moment. The way I feel when I’m seriously depressed is qualitatively different to the way I feel when I resort to suicidal ideation when things are actually mostly ok. Thoughts of suicide in those situations is, I think, more about helping me feel like I’m not stuck. These are the thoughts I don’t tell anyone about, as I consider them to be essentially overreacting. I’m not suggesting that you’re overreacting- that’s just what I tell myself about myself.

I have had serious suicidal impetus a couple of times, which has made me realise the difference in my head between the common-or-garden suicidal thoughts and the ones that I might actually act upon in the near term. I haven’t told anyone about what goes on in my head except medical professionals, which suits me, as I can’t stand the idea of anyone pitying me or patronising me... Probably doesn’t help anyone and really should seek more therapy.

Anyway, short answer, yes. I’m not seriously depressed in any way that I would define it (still functioning adequately and doing ok generally), but suicide is still an option.

onlyconnect Sat 03-Feb-18 10:38:10

Thank you oohyouareawful. I think I am over reacting and can identify very much with the idea that the possibility means I'm not stuck.

onlyconnect Wed 07-Feb-18 20:39:57

Bump. I'd be interested to hear from anyone whether they do or don't feel this.

Rockandrollwithit Wed 07-Feb-18 20:42:14

This happens to me.

I have a history of depression and PND. When I am well I will often have intrusive thoughts e.g when waiting for a train I get the urge to jump, even though I'm not sad at all.

When this happens, I remind myself that thoughts come and go, that they are not action and they don't have to be important unless I treat them as such.

WiggyPig Wed 07-Feb-18 20:58:59

Yes. I'm not depressed and never have been. I have ASD and when I shut down (like an internalised meltdown, a meltdown that my brain aims at me rather than those around me) I stop being able to communicate effectively, sometimes at all, and have suicidal thoughts involving detailed plans, right down as you say to planning a note. I've done this since I was about 8 years old. It was frightening until I found out what it was and now I'm better able to avoid the triggers for it.

I've spoken to other women with ASD and it's not that uncommon.

onlyconnect Thu 08-Feb-18 12:56:41

That's really interesting Wiggypig.

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