Supporting someone with GAD

[Mrsguided]

Hi I've nc for this because I feel bad about it I suppose. My DH has recently spiralled into quite severe anxiety and I'm not sure what to do. He lies awake all night worrying about inconsequential stuff mainly related to work. The atmosphere at home is awful and I feel dread every day at what the next problem is going to be. He is in the process of being redeployed and is considering applying for a part time role at a lower band which I'm fully supportive of as he's clearly not able to deal with more at the moment and I'm able to up my workload, which to be honest will be difficult for me along with having to deal with the kids and now him as well as a drop in household income so I really want him to help himself get better. He's started a course of Setirazine today. The issue is that I don't know what else to do if anything. After another sleepless night, I'm wondering whether this is a terrible idea: I was going to sit down with him and write out a timetable of things he needs to do. He is a terrible procrastinator even before this but the fact that he now spends so much time worrying nothing gets done which makes him more stressed. I was thinking we could do a timetable together for example : Friday he can dictate his job application to me and I'll type it up, Saturday go to yoga, and agree days he should go swimming after work. I've asked him to do dry January with me but he refused. I wonder if I should insist? He probably drinks a can of strong beer a night so not excessive amounts. I'm normally quite laid back and not bossy (even though I know I sound like it here) but I'm wondering whether if I just tell him what to do for a bit it will take some of the pressure off and then if it makes him feel better he'd be able to keep going? It might help me to not feel as if my life is spiralling into a sea of shit which I have no control over too. To he honest, my only other thought is to tell him to bugger off to his mothers for a couple of weeks to give me a break from it all!

[BamburyFuriou3]

I have GAD
To help with the lieing awake at night I find it helpful to vnext listen to something boring on headphones on radio 4 iPlayer. Gardeners question time is especially good.
Or comedy like John Finnemore. I fall asleep to it.
Get him to try something like cbt, mindfulness, anything to help himself (get a book or podcast to follow) and help him get the time every day to do this. This is what I struggle with as my DH just let's the kids interrupt and I never get the space.
Also get him to go for a walk outside every day.
Or yes, tell him to bugger off for a bit. Gad can make one monumentally selfish.

[BamburyFuriou3]

Timetable for jobs sounds good as well :)

[Mrsguided]

Thanks Bambury I was hoping someone with gad would tell me what to do! I did suggest podcasts but usually end up hissing it furiously at 4am so maybe I'll get him to download them at the weekend. He does get quite a lot of time on his own but seems to spend it obsessing about work and not doing anything so I think in his case when I left him with the kids it at least stopped the work obsessions! That's why I was thinking I might make him go to the gym. There is a yoga class that I'll tell him to do. Thanks that was helpful because obviously I'm not trained in this so I didn't want to make anything worse.

[YouOKHun]

OP, you might find this book helpful. It’s CBT based which is likely to be the therapeutic approach used if he goes to his GP for referral to talking therapies. I’m a CBT therapist and I find the oOvercoming series of books useful for clients.

www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Worry-Generalised-Anxiety-Disorder/dp/147210742X?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[Peskyelephant]

I have no advice but your situation is really similar to mine.
My DH is currently having an anxiety flare up. He has a stressful job involving shift work which I think has set things off. He also had some physical illness this year which ended up in an operation. However he has mostly recovered from this. I am left dealing with pretty much everything as he is not sleeping and getting stressed out. The list of things which stress him out keeps growing eg: the kids bickering, crowded places, work, the house being a mess. He went to GP before Christmas and was prescribed citrolopram but won't start taking it. I have tried to convince him but he just makes up excuses. He won't go off sick from work as he already had 3 months off with the physical illness in the summer and to go off again would trigger disciplinary proceedings.
I feel so near asking him to leave for a bit but know that would be the worst thing to help him get better.
I tell myself to be strong and that he will get better. This doesn't always work.
Lots of unmumsnetty hugs to mrsguided, maybe we can help each other.

[addlebrained]

Not sure if this thread still active, but I am in a similar situation too. DH has crippling anxiety. Might suggest the podcasts to him too! How did you get on with this OP?
And too x

[Mrsguided]

Hi everyone thanks. You're being really helpful. to everyone I'm the same boat. It's a massive snowstorm. I'm still reading but I keep logging out because I don't want my DH to read my stuff in case I want to vent. He never had before but I'm not sure if he will in his current state of mind. He's been taking the sertraline for about 10 days but it seems to have made him depressed so I'm not sure how much longer we should give it. The doctor says it takes up to a month to work. Thanks for the book recommendations. I've got them for him. There was a sleep diary thing I made him fill in with different techniques to try and that seems to have worked with the insomnia somewhat. I'm keeping on begging him to do some exercise. He is at risk of redundancy and is currently in the redeployment pool. I'm worried that if he doesn't get it this is just going to spiral out of control. I think I'll just keep plugging away and hope for the best.

[cestlavielife]

Look after yourself.
That is key.
Ask gp to refer you to counsellor to offload
Take yourself and dc to do nice things .
Send dh off to friend or relative for few hours to few days to give you respite.

[addlebrained]

My DH also just started sertraline and agree he is awful (worse than before) but yes 4-6 weeks to work so we are persevering!
Am think of a counsellor too - hard to squeeze it in with work and the DCs when you are effectively a single parent!!

[Mrsguided]

That's kind of Good to know addled (for me not you) tMyhat its not jusy me thinking its got much worse. DH has no libido either since taking it which at the moment is fine because Im too knackered and worried anyway. I've read stuff on here from people on it who say it's great so hopefully it will get better. I'm thinking with all our job concerns of we have to pay for counselling for him, I might have to wait. We have a gym membership which is joint so I am going to make sure I go to something twice a week. Good luck everyone xx