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If it wasn't for my kids I'd commit suicide right nort

(26 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Somekindoflady Sun 17-Dec-17 21:29:49

Don't speak to my dad as abusive
Mother only cares about her. Going on 3 months cruise and saying if her mum dies of 94 she doesn't want to be notified as will interrupt holiday.
Partner of 13 yrs is abusive emotionally and work go to apps Witt our son that has cerebal palsy so it's all on me.
Only reason I'm not killing myself is because of my three kids. Help me I'm on the verge

OsMalleytheCat Sun 17-Dec-17 21:33:55

Please don't kill yourself

PasstheStarmix Sun 17-Dec-17 21:34:13

Hi, have you spoken to your doctor about how low you're feeling? So sorry you're having such a tough time of it? Do you have any friends you can speak to? flowers

OsMalleytheCat Sun 17-Dec-17 21:35:16

You may feel alone and like you can't see a way out but there's always a way.
Could you go no contact with your mum? She sounds quite toxic?
Can you leave emotionally abusive partner?

Somekindoflady Sun 17-Dec-17 21:35:17

I want too. Would be so good. But my babies need me. Thought of no concioisness feels europohic

NotAChristmasCakePop Sun 17-Dec-17 21:36:24

Hi Lady. I don't have any wise words or fixes, but couldn't leave this unanswered. Can you ring Samaratins and speak to them? Can you access any support via school or GP or HV?

I'm sorry the people who are supposed to love you don't, but those children clearly need you - otherwise they would be left without anyone on their side.

Take care

Brandnewstart Sun 17-Dec-17 21:36:34

Ring the Samaritans now. www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/samaritans-free-call-helpline-number-faqs.
It will pass I promise x

Thickasmince Sun 17-Dec-17 21:37:29

Three very good reasons there then. And you are another. Tell us about your kids, and you. Why do you stay with your partner?

Explain the first part of your post, I’m not sure if there’s a typo in there about your dad? Or do you mean your mum has ruined that relationship for you?

We’re listening. flowers

Somekindoflady Sun 17-Dec-17 21:37:55

I can't. He's here with me. I'd never do it because they need me but thought is so appealing

Somekindoflady Sun 17-Dec-17 21:39:12

I have no job as full time carer. He owns house and not married. I have nothing. Only option to move my kids into a skanky housing. They deserve so much better

Somekindoflady Sun 17-Dec-17 21:39:55

No support from my mum or dad. I have nothing.

Somekindoflady Sun 17-Dec-17 21:40:26

He tells me I should respect him because he pays for hoisenans food in my mouth.

Thickasmince Sun 17-Dec-17 21:42:11

It’s not an easy option, but you absolutely can leave him. You will get help, and he will legally have to support you too. What age are your DC?

WhatNowHarry Sun 17-Dec-17 21:42:55

Your kids need you. You can get through this awful time. Right now everything is probably feeling overwhelming but if youhang on you can get help and recover from this.
If you feel unsafe call 999 and explain to them. Can you see your GP tomorrow?
Stay strong. People care.

Somekindoflady Sun 17-Dec-17 21:43:15

0, 4 and 6

Thickasmince Sun 17-Dec-17 21:45:12

Too young to care too much about where they live, but old enough to pick up on your sadness and the atmosphere in their current home.

Please speak to someone in real life ASAP.

Singlemumma22 Sun 17-Dec-17 21:48:44

Hey.. This is my first time writing on here but I had to write to you because this is how I felt and feel daily.

I've just come out of an 18 month toxic relationship.. I don't even want to go into it but if I didn't leave, I knew how I would end up.

Please.. For your kids sake, for yourself.. Get help. There is so much support out there for you, including us mums. Doctors, crisis line, Samaritans, online.. Just reach out for it. No one will turn there back to you.. <3

lou1221 Sun 17-Dec-17 21:53:39

When you get a chance, call Samaritans, please speak to someone. Your gp, hv should be able to help and put you in contact, with someone who can help. Focus on those children, they are tiny and they need you.

First and foremost you need to get help to get away from your partner, your parents can be dealt with later.

Please do not harm yourself, say your children's names in your head, picture them growing, laughing, living their lives, picture you being with them. flowers

IHadOneWish Sun 17-Dec-17 22:03:00

I was at this stage about 2 weeks ago, I left the house, kissed my little girl goodbye and said I'm sorry, I'll see you again sometime. I walked towards the railway lines and turned off my phone and was in the grip of desperation.

However my daughter drew me back, I had a friend who committed suicide when I was only 20 and they obituary didn't even come close to describing the person he was and I thought to myself I'd never do that to anyone. I'd never take away the one thing they love just for my own selfishness, sure suicide can be brave and it takes an element of courage but in the end it is an act of pure selfishness and we all know it, all of us who've thought about it.

Since then I've had many happy moments, strangers talking to me for random reasons, helping people who've dropped things and generally just starting to recognise life is not only about the partner we had but about us too.

I've found a new job when it appeared I'd not really have a hope (dunno if it is gonna work yet), spoke to so many random people and just generally added extra words to random conversations and smiled at them. Sure, many don't smile back, many couldn't care at all what your life is doing or even if you were gone, but some do smile back, some do give you time and some do fill your heart with that little bit of hope to put one foot in front of the other.

Now I'm struggling still but suicide is not my first thought, my Daughter is and maybe, just maybe get back with my ex, but if I don't I'll show her that she's missing out on something she should never have turned her back on and you can too. I believe in you, don't give up on yourself, don't give up on your children, tomorrow, or maybe sometime after that, but soon, you will find happiness from other sources and you'll be glad you never took away your chance to find it, or indeed make your children's chances to find it worse.

My thoughts are with you.

HebeMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 17-Dec-17 22:03:18

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on jo@samaritans.org. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

user1497997754 Sun 17-Dec-17 22:03:53

You are stronger than you think right now.....you probably feel trapped...speak to your GP first thing tomorrow and get some help...don't do anything stupid...,get some sleep things always look better the next day it's a very emotional time of the year right now lots of pressure. Speak to Women's Aid they will give you support and guidance take care of yourself and your children...he is not worth you doing something bad to harm yourself and your lovely children

Somekindoflady Sun 17-Dec-17 22:16:14

He's currently blaming me for his feelings. I've agreed with him whole way but still putting all blame on me.

Bumbelinadance Sun 17-Dec-17 22:37:45

so glad you posted

I have been where you are. It's nothing I am ashamed of. I cannot tell you enough it is possible to get better. It is and the help is out there .

You have been extremely brave telling us how you feel .Now can you be a bit braver and call the samaritans ? They are great and can offer really constructive practical advice .
Then can you make an appointment with your gp ?
Could you talk to somebody at the school or nursery ? My sons school were really supportive towards me .
Is there a neighbour or old friend you can chat to ? Siblings ? Extended family ?

You have an overwhelming amount on your plate , 3 very young children including a child with challenging needs .i can't begin to imagine how utterly exhausted you must feel some days . And an abusive partner to boot .
You need love and practical support .
YOU ARE AMAZING YOU HAVE COPED SO FAR .

If you do decide to leave your partner he will have to support his children and there will be benefits you can get .

Please keep talking to us
Tell us anything you want to

Somekindoflady Sun 17-Dec-17 22:49:24

He's talking right now about him. It's all him all the time. My son with cerebal palsy needs help, not him

Bumbelinadance Sun 17-Dec-17 22:51:13

Still here for you op
Saw thread moved to new board

100% still here for you

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