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Mental health

Advice on what to do with my mentally ill sister

5 replies

kittycymraeg · 17/12/2017 12:38

I need some advice or ideas on what do with my mentally and physically ill sister. Sorry it's a long one.
She is 36 and was diagnosed with Aspergers about six years ago, she also has depression and other mental health issues. Physically she suffers from fibromyalgia and is in a wheel chair and can't walk.

She is currently being cared for by my parents. The issue is that she is abusive and controlling towards both my parents and she self harms. Over the years, since teenage hood, she has attempted subside more times than I can remember.

She is especially bad towards my mum. My mum still works full time as well as care for my sister. The abuse is both physical, mental and emotional. My mum is covered in bruises from where my sister has hit her. She pulls her hair and throws stuff at her when she has a meltdown, which is pretty much every day now. My sister also is stoping her from sleeping and is sometimes stopping her from eating. When we visited a couple of days ago she said to my mum, 'you can't eat because you fucked up today. It's all your fault.' ( if you don't do things exactly how my sister wants them to be done. She'll have a meltdown. She also moves the goal posts constantly) She regularly threatens to kill my mum and keeps on telling her that it's all my mum's fault that she is in the condition that she's in. It's like she is punishing her for it.

My sister is also stopping my mum from having a relationship with me and her granddaughter (my two month old DD). My sister won't let mum visit me and when she tries she has a meltdown and either constantly calls or won't let her go. (She'll self harm to stop my mum from leaving)

My mum is now a shadow of her former self, she losing weight at an alarming rate and I'm very worried about her mental state too. She isn't coping and my sister seems to have complete control of her. My mum is constantly making excuses on her behalf saying, 'it's ok, it's her condition.' She's also lying to the social services saying she is not doing the things she's doing and covering up her bruises.

I can't sit back and do nothing anymore. Since her diagnosis my sister has become ever more violent and abusive, and her physical health has deteriorated. I feel like I'm losing my mother. She is 61 and this can't go on.

Has anyone ever delt with a similar situation or have experience with sectioning or finding residential care for mentally and physically ill adults. ( they live in Wales) any advice will be appreciated I just don't know what to do. Sad

OP posts:
KeemaNaan · 17/12/2017 23:21

I didn’t want to read and run. I’ll have a think about this. I volunteer for a charity that supports people with mental and physical disabilities and abuse of family carers is not as uncommon as you may think. We’re nowhere near your area, but I’ll speak to some of my colleagues tomorrow about what they can suggest.

Parents experience terrible guilt when their children are struggling and it’s possible for things to escalate beyond what they’d accept from other people. What you’re describing is at the extreme end, and it must be terrible for you and everyone involved. I’ll post again once I’ve got some info for you.

wheresthel1ght · 17/12/2017 23:24

Your poor mum!

Personally I would suggest you speak to social services yourself, I would also speak to your mums gp to get her the help.

Maybe arrange a meeting with them at the house and make sure you are there to support your mum to tell the truth.

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 17/12/2017 23:25

Where is your dad in all this op? Would she qualify and be capable of living on her own independantly with carers and with the help of your parents and then your mum at least gets to leave and get a break and have her own home as a safe haven where she can rest and eat.

kittycymraeg · 18/12/2017 10:23

Thanks fo your replies.

My dad does help but she's not as bad with him and he also is not sure what to do. From what I have been told they have not had much help from the authorities, but I'm not sure if, my sister especially, has been refusing help.

She may qualify for independent living with caregivers. Where do you find out if she would?

OP posts:
kittycymraeg · 18/12/2017 10:24

Thanks keemanaan! Any advice or info would be helpful

OP posts:
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