Not suicidal but not keen on life either.

[malificent7]

I just find life such hard work. I am fed up with being skint and trapoed in a job im not keen on. I need to get some more citralopran as ive been off them for 2 days.

I am a bit of a misanthropist and i can tell when im getting down as i feel evwryone is horrid and so alone.

So although i am not suicidal im so happy that life if finite. Am i tbe only person in the world who prays there is no afterlife?!

[ginorwine]

No am with you .
I think if there was an after life it wd be better than this one tho .

[CitrusSun]

Am with you too, it’s a ‘can’t live but can’t die’ feeling with me, would have far reaching implications on a few loved ones if I ended my own life, but bloody hell it’s a struggle sometimes, massive financial problems and just feel overwhelmed with all of life’s demands
‘

[CheckpointCharlie2]

Do you feel the same on your pills? Can you see any improvement on the horizon? I don't normally feel as shit as I do now but have been depressed before so I definitely understand the feeling.

[dimsum123]

I can relate completely. Also glad life is finite. Sometimes I think I'd actually be quite pleased if I was diagnosed with a terminal illness and had a few years left.

I'm not depressed, although I have been in the past, but life does just seem to be one hard slog, and in my case, utterly boring. Just domestic drudgery day after day, the same old routine, and knowing this is it for years to come. There's nothing much to look forward to, the best years of my life are behind me.

[Candog]

But even if your job/housework is boring and you don't have much money, you can:
Go for a walk somewhere beautiful, read any kind of amazing book to take you out if yourself, watch a great film or documentary, take an interesting course for free on the internet, listen to world class music, teach yourself an easy instrument, etc etc. There is so much to do.

[Mishappening]

Have you stopped the medication under medical advice? If you suddenly stop you will feel utter rubbish. So that is the first thing to think about.

Your life circumstances sound a bit crap just now ans I am not surprised you feel a bit jaded.

Have you looked into other options for the direction your life is taking?

[eyesonme]

Malificent: you have just described me as a person.
I find life such a bind, it's just a merry go round of working to pay the bills and cleaning/laundry and looking after the kids and then guess what....the day after is the same!

I am sertraline though, but my view on life hasn't changed. I would never end my own life but sometimes think if I didn't have children I most probably would.

[dimsum123]

Candog I've done and do all those things....many times. I've basically done a lot of stuff and now there's nothing much to get excited about any more. I am nearly 50. I wouldn't be unhappy if I had another 10 years and popped my clogs at 60. I would hate to live into my 80s or 90s and I just don't understand the obsession we seem to have as a society about prolonging our lives for as long as possible. For me it's quality over quantity every time.

[hedlesschicken]

This is a sad post and to see a few people feel the same... reminds me of when I was going through a really bad time. I was on med and when I didn't have them for a few days the withdrawal was horrendous. Terrible feelings/thoughts, low mood, agitated, unsettled plus physical withdrawal symptoms.

Maybe it's worth going and seeing the CPN at your doctors and having a meds review plus ask them if there is any support groups you could go to.

Excercise is good for your mood and mental wellbeing.

One thing I did learn and that's, that meds are good but if you do not tackle the route cause of how you feel whether that be past life experiences or within yourself you meds will only help to mask how you feel.

I am in a much better place in my life too. Yes I have low days but I have so many more good ones

[ginorwine]

I just think it is how it is for some .
I don't think you have to be actively depressed to feel this way .
Candog
Whilst I totally get yr advice re walk somewhere beautiful or read an amazing book ... yes good advice .. but not all people have access to those things . Eg inner city to me could not really be beautiful tho I can appreciate some archetecture .

[malificent7]

Hi all....thanks for the support. I do feel a bit vetter as am back on citralooran but i dont feel like im in a secure place right now.


I have been burned a few times by others so im suspicious of people.
Luckily i have a wonderful dp after a long line of abusers. I have no idea what he sees in me and i feel like he deserves better.

[BhajiAllTheWay]

Can relate to this so much. I came off citalopram a year ago.Im very seriously considering going back on it as everything I do has a voice in the background saying " what's the point" I'm here for my children but nothing holds any interest for me at all. Hope things get better for you

[DeleteOrDecay]

I can relate op. I feel like I've always found life a struggle.

I've been on meds since January and they have helped me feel more content I suppose, but I still find life hard. Simple things like leaving the house seem to require a lot of effort for me. I definitely notice my mood dipping if I miss a day or two of my meds so it's important you try and keep on top of it (I know this can be hard).