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Relationship ocd

(3 Posts)
Happinessfinder Wed 06-Dec-17 19:05:26

Hi I think I have what is called relationship ocd. The constant fear that my partner will cheat on me or secretly desires someone else more. This feeling makes me go through the motions of checking his laptop his phone his history etc. It’s just getting out of hand. It’s a complete violation of his privacy. I don’t know how to fix it. I went through talking therapy but they just wanted me to fill out online excercises and it didn’t help so I stopped.

My past history (non of which I can talk about in any detail or have ever spoken about to anyone)

Sexual abuse as a child
Sister who I loved and still love cheating with my new boyfriend (I’ve forgiven her and long since dumped him but it still affected me)
Angry father who made me feel guilty for everything
Domestic abuse in a previous relationship

I sound a right mess don’t I. I’m just at a loss as to what to do. My husband is kind and has never cheated on me but is getting sick of being under suspicion. I keep these thought to myself as feel crazy. I watch his eyes when we are out to see if he is finding someone more attractive. It’s all nuts and I wish I didn’t feel like this. It’s like the thought are planted like a whisper at first but that soon becomes shouting nd the only thing that calms it is to check. I know it’s a vicious cycle though.

JoJoSM2 Thu 07-Dec-17 07:12:40

It does sound very unhealthy whatever you label it. I think I just get back to the therapy you were doing but keep an open mind and give it your best. You could also try therapy for couples - it takes two to tango and your husband is part of this unhealthy relationship.

Kat798 Tue 12-Dec-17 18:09:57

Hi, just read your post and had to reply- I totally 100% get how you are feeling. I’ve wondered for a long time about relationship ocd as I act the same- constantly worrying, hyper alert all the time etc even though there’s no reason.... I tell my partner it’s like a swarm of bees in my head, constant nuts thoughts I can’t control. I find stress makes things soooo much worse too.
I had some cbt therapy last year which really helped. I keep a list in my phone too of what’s ‘real’ (eg since stuff my partners done for me, things he’s said, fun times we’ve had) so that when I feel anxious I can take ten minutes, sit down and read it and try and get some perspective. I’ve also been put on antidepressants recently (for something else) and a side effect of them seems to be I find my worrying much easier to control.
Just had to reply as I’ve felt like this for years and it’s awful. Some days I feel like the worst person for accusing my partner of mad stuff but at the time the worries feel so real. Just wanted you to know you aren’t the only one smile

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