I've posted a thread on here where I felt suicidal because of a termination I had weeks ago. I'm still in need of lots of support. I really struggle functioning through the day, but I honestly thought I would start feeling a bit better by now. Everything is so hard work. I'm so severely depressed and my anxiety is sky high. And I'm very sleep deprived because I haven't slept for 2 days now straight now. The only reason I'm still here is my 3 children.
I'm having counselling but at the moment it's not really having much of an effect. One of my friends is pregnant and she is due not long before I was due. I can't even avoid her because she's at school every morning. She had doubts about her pregnancy at first but her partner said you'll love it once its here so she kept it. Nobody said that to me. Nobody made me realise!
I'd ignore what your friends partner said. She's in a relationship, things are easier for her.
You might 'love' a child when it arrives. You might also have felt resentment towards the child in that you couldn't spend the necessary time with your other kids, or that it made it more difficult to sort out your situation with your husband/leave him. You might also have had a miscarriage, or had to have a termination due to abnormalities. You could have had a prem baby and spent months in a unit. You might have had a severely disabled child. You could have had a stillbirth. You might have died in childbirth and left the children without a mother.
There are risks involved in having a child, and your guilt is making you assume that everything would have been ok and rosy. You made the right decision for you and your family Topaz and it was a hard one. Your friend made what she felt to be the right decision for her. Neither of you are wrong. Be kind to yourself and unmumsnetty hugs.
I’m sorry you are in so much pain. So many women suffer like this after terminations. I wish there was better aftercare for women in this situation. While making this decision often our hormones affect us greatly. What we felt strongly while pregnant can be felt differently when the pregnancy hormones ease off. I haven’t read your previous thread but can imagine your decision was what you felt was right at the time. We can’t control the past but we can control the future. Please go and see your gp and get some help. You are not alone in feeling like this but it can get better x
If you don’t feel you have the strength for yourself please do it for your three children. Show them by example how to find a way out when anxiety and depression are overwhelming. Show them how a person can get better. Believe me you are the most important person in the world to them no one would ever replace you and they would never ever be better off without you x
Thank you everyone. I have had an ok couple of days but since I woke up at 2am I've not been able to get back to sleep. I'm just feeling so so empty and I've been reading stories about women that never feel better after having a termination. I don't want to feel like this forever I can't believe what I've done 😢☹️
That isn't true. You WILL feel better. I promise you. I couldn't see a way out after mine, I'd actually changed my mind, was too far along in the process (back when they were all medical). I wasn't even given anything to bliss me out a bit. It was a horror show. And it went wrong.
Anyway, long story short, I felt as you do, I tried to take my own life twice. I ended up under mental health care and then under extended house watch for a long time.
Now, I am almost at peace with it. I say almost because there is the odd day where I feel some wistful regret but I promise you, it DOES get so much easier.
I actually spoke to a friend about it the other night (I've told very few people) in an objective a fairly detached way. You'll get there too someday.
Hi there, I’m in a similar circumstance atm. I’m 9 weeks preg with an unplanned 5th and I am losing my mind. I’m so angry at my husband as I told him after our 4th that I wasn’t doing birth control anymore because of the toll it’s taken on my body and mind and that he needed to get the snip. Well he hasn’t followed through and now here we are despite my best efforts to remain child free. Weve done 4 under 6 with no family support which almost killed us, husband works two jobs and he is in total denial about the whole thing and not being very supportive. I’ve been sick, in pain, having nightmares to the point of not being able to sleep and I feel so alone and scared that I know that our family would not cope with another and our current children would only suffer because of our stress levels. I’ve booked in for a termination next week and I can’t stop crying (I am a hormonal mess at the best of times!) and I just don’t know how to get through it. Any help, advice or words of comfort would be appreciated 😢
HI Op I remember you sorry to hear yiu aren't feeling better. It's so intense what you are feeling has your therapist checked you for PTSD or trauma response because that tends to need separate sorts of treatment. You will feel better and get better, please believe it x
OP I felt horrific in the first two months after my abortion. I really did. I couldn’t function at all. And I 100% wanted an abortion. It settled down after the first 2 months and within 6 months I was back to my usual self. I don’t regret it at all. You will get there.