Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

Am I crazy to give up amazing social housing in this circumstance?

(17 Posts)
Angelic89 Sat 02-Dec-17 23:13:26

After escaping severe family abuse, I was left with devastating panic and anxiety disorders, depression and severe anxiety. The thing which I credit with giving me the only stability that I have ever known living for years in an amazing, large, beautiful flat with a wonderful housing association that I largely credit for saving my mental health and life. I count it as a family member, it is the only stability that I have ever known.

I count it as the best thing that ever happened to me (even people with mortgages want a place like this) however, I have to leave because the university I attend is in another city and I am very academic (I got all As at GCSE) and absolutely cannot stay in non-graduate minimum wage jobs for the rest of my life. It’s driving me insane. I thought I would be able to do university with the commute and work to hang onto it but by university is in another city in which there are no Home swap properties (for the last 6 months and I needed to move now) and time-wise it doesn’t work in the second year.

I realize this may be a very stupid decision as I was homeless/living in refuges before then (I have no contact with my dad who abused me and my mum who passed away, so I am essentially giving up ALL my security.

However, this is the only way to continue with my university studies and hence my life.

I trust the landlord but I am so worried about giving up this security and going over to the private sector, especially with the way that the world is headed, my mental precariousness and life instability.
It is truly a beautiful property, but I can’t give up on my degree and future.

Anyone still think this is a crazy decision??

I have severe anxiety and depression and most private landlords will not take benefits should I ever have to claim them and obviously I have no family to fall back on... yet, I know I would be miserable if I defaulted on my course and I cannot afford to keep it either financially or time-wise (I'm starting to fail due to working and commuting on top of academic studies)/

It’s SUCH a difficult decision.

TidyLike Sat 02-Dec-17 23:22:07

It does sound difficult. But it also sounds like you have a bright future ahead and could risk moving on.

I have also been in a situation of moving from cheap social housing (though sounds like yours is nicer) to private sector rental at more than double the price because I couldn't commute that far. I really haven't looked back.

Coffeeonadrip Sat 02-Dec-17 23:22:11

Personally I would think it's too big an ask to give up all that feels secure to you. Private rent is risky and requires a lot of resilience as all sort of things go wrong both whilst looking for and during the tenancy.

Is there any way to complete you course part time/ distance learning to reduce the burden of the commute?

If you have good education so far why can't you look for something that is not minimum wage? You don't always need a full degree to get your foot in the door.

What is it that you study, is your work related to it at all?

DullAndOld Sat 02-Dec-17 23:26:29

I really really wouldnt give it up.
Private renting is stressful and dodgy. If you have existing mental health problems, it could well exacerbate them.
How long is the commute? Could you stay with friends for a couple of nights in the uni city?

Ttbb Sat 02-Dec-17 23:28:15

You still have mental health problems despite your lovely flat. Clearly you are not happy overall. Moving on with your life and your education on the other hand may lead you to a happier more fulfilling life. At the moment you are caught in a limbo, albeit a pleasant one. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life like this? If not then the sooner you get out, the sooner you will be able to move on.

AfunaMbatata Sat 02-Dec-17 23:30:34

Could you do a degree with the open university? I don’t think I could give up such security.

DelphiniumBlue Sat 02-Dec-17 23:32:11

It would be a terrible idea to give up your secure and lovely flat.
Can't you transfer to a uni nearer to where you live?

Pannacott Sat 02-Dec-17 23:36:09

If you are bright and will get good qualifications, you are likely to be able to afford private renting in future. Don't hold yourself back. Maybe use university as a time to get some good therapy to really stabilise your mental health, so your past can stay in the past and affect your present less (I'd be thinking about trauma work). Good luck.

Rainatnight Sat 02-Dec-17 23:38:33

Does it have to be that university? Could you go somewhere closer to home? And do you have anyone IRL supporting you through this, a counsellor or anyone?

ChinkChink Sat 02-Dec-17 23:39:43

Am I understanding correctly that you are both working and attending University? And Uni is quite a commute?

If that's the case, it sounds like you've managed your first year so well done. It won't be forever and once you graduate you can look for other jobs. It would be inadvisable to give up your tenancy now that you're established.

I'm assuming you're registered with the local authority housing website - they now include housing association properties as well as homeswaps.

DullAndOld Sat 02-Dec-17 23:43:33

" If you are bright and will get good qualifications, you are likely to be able to afford private renting in future."

it's not about affordability and how 'bright' you are , private rents are often substandard and insecure. with landlords that let themselves in when you are out to have a nose around, for example. Then after a year or so you may have to move again, and again. It is not good for anyone's mental health, let alone someone with existing conditions. OP you were given that flat because people thought you needed the security. Please dont just give it up.

Viviennemary Sat 02-Dec-17 23:48:56

No I wouldn't give up this accommodation. Try and find a different way to get the qualifications you need. Having no permanent place to stay is a totally huge stress. Find a way to make it work.

Whinesalot Sat 02-Dec-17 23:55:30

Is there no course closer to home?

I think you will have to give it up. You will be frustrated and feel thwarted if you don't get your degree.

As a pp Suggested can you commute Monday morning and come back Friday and stay with friends for a token charge?

HarrietVane99 Sun 03-Dec-17 00:14:19

Have you spoken to your tutor/student welfare/student union about your difficulties? There may well be ways they can help you, if they know your situation.

How many days a week do you have to be at the university? Might it be possible to stay on campus one or two nights a week? There are often guest rooms available.

DivisionBelle Sun 03-Dec-17 05:46:27

This is a real dilemma, OP.

I am glad you are doing so well and can see your Uni course as part of a great new future for yourself. A good degree from a Uni you are doing well at is also hard to give up!

Have you spoken to your HA? And to the Student Welfare people?

You are only at Uni in term time. They might allow you to do a temporary sub-let.

Have a conversation with them. Tell them what you told us.

SmileAndNod Sun 03-Dec-17 06:13:13

I wouldn't give it up either. I'd try and find another way of making the degree work. Private renting is precarious (and expensive). You risk losing your home (and security) if your LL decides to sell on a whim and can live with this 6 months to 6 months. Moving itself is costly and then there's letting fees, referencing fees, deposits up front.

My MH has definitely taken a turn for the worse. It's the lack of control over your own situation. We're having to leave our rental in Feb. We've loved it here, but it's being sold. I have children and I'm the shittiest mum for putting them through this.

If a degree is important (and i agree with pp it isn't the be all and end all) then find a way of maKing it work. Are you allowed to take in a lodger or something to keep the property on? Are you allowed to keep it if you just live there at weekends?

Silvertap Sun 03-Dec-17 06:46:54

I don't think I'd encourage you to give up the flat if you were my friend.

Stability is really important. I think you've overestimated what Uni can do. What are you studying?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: