Last night I got picked up by the police. I've been feeling so so low. The final straw was when DP and I got into an argument and he told me he didn't care if I actually did it (as in actually killed myself). I left the house and genuinely felt so suicidal. I really don't know what stopped me. I was out for 2 hours, found a quiet corner just by our house and sat and cried and thought and cried some more and broke down in a heap on the floor. Then I went for a walk and next thing I know the police are calling me and wanting to know where I am and said there were lots of units out looking for me. I told them I was fine and I just wanted to walk and I didn't want to speak to the crisis team and I felt bad about wasting their time. They made me go back to my house as they said they couldn't leave me outside after receiving that call from DP and since I had nowhere else to go I had to go back to the house. By this point it was around midnight but I couldn't sleep
Part of me wishes DP had left me to it so I could end this and part of me wishes I hadn't told the police everything was fine and accepted their offer of talking to the crisis team
Sorry you're not having a good time,all sounds v overwhelming.hope things get better Hospital admission isn’t only option crisis team will look to undertake home treatment Can you call them and discuss how youre feeling set a schedule of visits Crisis team will liaise with the other hcp who treat you, and crisis team intervention will be time limited to treat you at home Do you need a medication review?
The best thing I ever did was let the police take me to A&E when I was suicidal I was seen by the emergency psychiatric team and although they did want to admit me at first they allowed me to stay at home because I had my husband to support me, through them though I got myself sorted out a formal diagnosis of BPD, OCD among others, got my tablets sorted to something that worked for me, had weekly meetings with the kindest psychiatric team member and psychiatrist who genuinely cared. Those 2 people honestly saved my life because I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them. Call the crisis team let it be the start of the change for you too. Getting started is the hardest step but it's all worth it in the end. Things can and will be better.
I don't feel able to call the crisis team. I have extreme anxiety about talking on the phone.
I do think I need a medication review. I have an appointment with the psychiatrist in two weeks it's taken about 2 months for the referall to come through. In my area they have a stupid policy of seeing you once then immediately discharging you and if you need to see them again the GP re-refers
Do you have eupd/bpd OP? If you have, then hospital admissions aren’t always the best route so don’t get hung up on that.
If you so low then you really need to be pro active and contact the crisis team.
I understand you’re upset with your DP, but I can’t imagine how hard it is to live with someone who states they want to kill themselves but doesn’t get help. He won’t have meant it but he’s possibly quite frustrated.
Do you have an ATS service or a crisis house in your local area? They may be a good source of support until your appt next week.
Hopefully you’ll find your DP will be able to support you better too if you have a good talk and maybe if you have a bit of a plan of what you’re going to do to get better. It’s scary watching people you love deteriorate and feel like you have no way of helping them.
Asked DP to phone crisis team for me yesterday evening. Phoned at 6 pm and they said the earliest they could see me was 3 am. No chance of me being awake at 3 am with the myriad of medication I'm on.
I phoned my local Mind service today and left a voicemail. I hate phones and especially voicemail but I'm glad I phoned them. I hope they don't take too long to get back to me. They offer one to one counselling sessions and they do an anger management course - something which i think I really need to try and get on.
I think even just knowing I have made the first step to seeking more helped has helped a little bit. I didn't think it would especially as I have no idea if / when they'll get back to me but it has...