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Just not coping

(7 Posts)
pyjamapyjama Thu 30-Nov-17 22:53:23

Just that really. I'm really not coping. I was recently diagnosed with type 2 bipolar and my psychiatrist said he wasn't overly fussed about starting medication unless I was feeling depressed (I wasn't at the time, I felt really good) and that we'd review at my next appointment which is on the 15 of December, can't get an appointment sooner.

I have a 10 month old baby who is going through a period of screaming hysterically if I so much as break eye contact with him, I'm in 3rd year at uni with a million things left to do coursework wise before I stop for Christmas, stressed at work, completely burnt out.

I'm currently lying in bed ignoring the fact that I have masses of work to do for my hand ins. I feel completely exhausted, any time I'm able to do my work is after 8.30pm once I have baby in bed and I've sorted dishes/things for the next day. I hate to feel like I'm complaining, I know millions of parents go through the same thing but I'm just so worried that my most important pieces of coursework are going to be shit because I can't get out of this fog that I'm in. I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't take my antidepressants incase they cause hypomania and I cant start new medication until my next appointment which seems a lifetime away right now. Reading this back it sounds as if I really need to get a grip but I'm just finding things really shit right now

Eatcakeandbreathe Fri 01-Dec-17 11:28:46

Hi pyjamapyjama

I just want to send you a big hug. You're doing so much, please don't be hard on yourself. Is there any way you can ease your workload? Having a 10mo to look after is enough work in itself!

Have you spoken to support at uni to look at ways of spreading out your work? You mention 'stressed at work' as well - are you working as well as uni and a baby?

I came on here myself for support, because I work and am at uni, plus have 2 children, and with the build up to Christmas having no time for myself has tipped me over the edge. You already have a diagnosed mental health issue, the best advice I can give is let uni know what's going on, get time off work (if you are working) and focus on you and your child.

Sending you big hugs and a big hot mug of tea. Let me know how you are feeling today.

also whenever possible I recommend a bit of cake ;)

letsdolunch321 Fri 01-Dec-17 11:34:41

Hi OP sorry to hear you are struggling, is there no one over a weekend period who can have your little one for a few hours ?

Just for you to knuckle down and get your studies sorted

pyjamapyjama Fri 01-Dec-17 11:41:54

eatcake thanks so much for your reply.

The thing is, I could get the work done. I'd just need to pull a few very late nights and type up my essays. I just feel so depressed and I have no motivation to get it done, when I look at the screen I can't think of how to put my words together and type! My uni have a department where they help with your essays - structure, referencing etc and I have an appointment with them on Tuesday so I'm hoping they can guide me in the right direction if I get enough done by then.

I work part time too, just 16 or 18 hours a week normally so not a huge amount but the stress of targets at work/finding childcare for days my son isn't at nursery and I'm working isnt helping my uni stress. And I'm just so so exhausted!!

After today I'm off for a week and my boss has been kind enough to give me a week off over Christmas since it's my son's first one - I work in retail so this kind of time off is a total miracle. On Thursday my son is at nursery and I'm off so hopefully that will be a productive day.

Big hugs to you too, it'll definitely be worth it when we get our degrees but it's a hard journey to say the least fsmile

pyjamapyjama Fri 01-Dec-17 11:44:03

letsdolunch yes my mum has said she'll take him out for a while this weekend! And my son's dad who's my boyfriend who I am on/off with but things are getting much much better with, is a huge help too so I do have support. I just forget to ask for it sometimes. I don't live with my son's dad so anytime he helps he ether comes over or I go there

Eatcakeandbreathe Fri 01-Dec-17 12:40:16

Hi pyjama

Thanks for the hugs smilefsmile yay I managed to insert smileys! first time for everything!

I totally know what you mean about knowing you can do it, but you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself, and all uni's have policies for extra support/ later deadlines if that would ease the pressure.

I have my first essay due in before Christmas, I haven't written an essay for 20 years, so I'm feeling so sick about it. I know I can do it but it's still terrifying!

You really really have your hands full though, so don't forget to schedule in some time for you as well as uni work. I've taken today off sick, because I've been an emotional wreck this week. Just having today to myself while the kids are at school is making such a difference.

I think your motivation will revive if you can be kind to yourself and once you've had a bit of 'down-time'.

I also have a new meditation app I was recommended by a friend - it's got loads of different meditation apps, it's worth a try. it's free and it's called insight timer. I know it hasn't stopped me from getting overwhelmed, but I still like it! And hopefully I'll be back on track after a rest day today.

I have historically had depression, no experience of bi-polar other than friends having it, and getting the medication right has made all the difference to them. I never got on with anti-depressants myself, and found the biggest help when I feel down is 1) don't beat myself up about it 2) take some me time.

It sounds selfish putting it in writing (mother mindset), but it has stopped me from falling too far into the mire for the last 20 years!


pyjamapyjama Sun 03-Dec-17 23:09:50

eatcake sorry I took so long to reply to you, I've been super busy working on my coursework! My mum took my son out for a few hours on Saturday and I managed to get a good bulk of things done.

How are you getting on with your essay? And that app sounds good, I might download it for listening before bed!

That's my biggest worry is that I sound selfish!! I am a young mum (21) and alot of girls I was at school with are having babies, they think I'm crazy for working/uni etc but I honestly think it keeps me sane (minus the crazy stress). I just think that it keeps me from feeling a bit useless because that's how I felt back when I was on mat leave some days

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