I don't know if I can overcome social anxiety

[hadenough9]

I don't really know where to start.

I've suffered with social anxiety all my life, I'm now 30. I have never been able to hold down a job for longer than a couple of months.

I've always avoided a lot of things as a way of coping with it, but now I'm dealing with the consequences of these choices - I feel like I just can't be around other people.

I had a partner that I was with for over ten years, he kept going behind my back and sexting other women that he knew. I found the strength to leave him even though he was pretty much my life for so long.

I'm now back living with my Mum, I'm trying to build a new life for myself but I don't know if I will ever get to a point where I can lead a normal productive life :(

I started doing a craft course for people with anxiety issues and I've now missed 3 out of 6 of the sessions. I couldn't sleep last night and just spent the night crying with the anxiety spiralling out of control. I should be there now but I'm just sitting here in my pyjamas feeling sorry for myself.
Basically every little thing that I've been worrying about just went round and round in my head through the night. Worried about my health( having investigations for IBD), my mums health, worrying that she might get sick and die and then I'll be alone and unable to cope with anything. Worrying about my insomnia flaring up more. I worry so much about sleeping and then I can't.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to have another relationship or if I even ever want one. I felt pressured to have sex with my ex at times and don't know how I feel about having sex with a new partner, as I have health issues and don't know how I'd cope with someone if they had a higher sex drive again. It's like they have this claim on your body and I don't like it :(
It's been 7 months since we split up and I don't feel anywhere near wanting to date anyone else.

My ex also used to get angry, he was never physically violent to me but to himself. He would punch things, and even got to the point where he'd punch himself in the head.
I got so upset this morning that I started slapping myself round the head and it made me feel like I was as bad as him. It was something he did that I hated and now I'm doing it to myself.
When I get myself into such a state I get suicidal thoughts which upsets me even more. As I don't want to kill myself, I have my mum and a good friend so that is what stops me.

I think the whole point of this post is just I'm scared for my future if I'm unable to push myself to do things. I don't know if I can ever get close to people again, even if it's just friendships as a lot of the time I just feel like I want to be alone.

That and I just generally feel very sad, I hope someone out there can relate, or give me some kind of hope. Sorry if this is a bit jumbled up I just needed to get it all out of my head, and for another human being to read how I feel, as I feel very alone right now.

[willyougotobed]

I'm not one to advise, but I think I have social anxiety myself and a lot of what you say is familiar to me.

What I wanted to say was it might really help you to access some help. For me that was impossible. I couldn't say the words to my GP. It just happened that I became so stressed and anxious I became physically ill and a by product of my medication is that it makes me feel completely relaxed and much less anxious. I can therefore sleep better. And I don't find social situations nearly as bad. I cope with them better now.

I'm wondering how you could access some proper help. Do you feel able to write it down to show your GP perhaps? Or would you consider contacting an organisation that focuses on social anxiety and suggests counsellors?

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.

[annaharvey]

Hey,

I had social anxiety too. But I got over it simply by putting myself in a situation where people are around. Take up a corporate job where you might have to interact with many. Don't worry about not staying for long. Most importantly find something that you love doing. That would help you in staying there with people.

[hadenough9]

Hey thanks for the replies. I'm feeling a bit better today thankfully, I just hate getting into such a state.

@Willyou, Sorry to hear you suffer with social anxiety too. I've had quite a lot of therapy in the past CBT, group therapy and counselling. I'm having counselling at the moment with a charity so I will try and bring up this episode with her and see what she thinks about it all.

I had a bit of counselling on the NHS but they could only give me 6 sessions. I didn't really like my counsellor, she could be very blunt with me and at one point made me cry, which is pretty awful! When I told her that I'd had a fair bit of therapy before she kept saying "well what is it you think I will say thats any different?" and I just burst in to tears and said do you think I shouldn't be here then? Then she backtracked.

The counsellor I'm seeing now is nicer though which I'm greatful for.

I think it's why I feel so hopeless sometimes, I've had all of this help and I'm still in the same position. Feeling so crap though has motivated me to start doing mindfulness again, I need to actually stick with it. I've got a book that I'm going to work through so fingers crossed that will help a bit.

@Anna I find I'm unable to stay in any job at all, I start feeling like I'm going to go mad, I get such intense anxiety that I can't function. I either get the sack from jobs or I have to leave. I want to start with volunteering, but you're right finding something you love is a big motivator.
I love animals but I can't find anything voluntary or paid in my area, I'm trying to think of other things but I'm a bit stumped at the moment.

[annaharvey]

@hadenough9 If you love animals the only good job I could think of is Zoo Keeper..Haha..Just joking :) Perhaps you could write blogs about animals and can turn that into a job. If you get hits you might get invites from animal related magazine sites or you can also approach them. Mostly blogging tends to be an online job. So, you will hardly meet people. At some point if you really get bored of not meeting people your anxiety wouldnt matter anymore. You will roll up your sleeves and go out. Until then if you do any online jobs you could sit in a coffee shop or any public places and work. That way you might slowly get over anxiety. Never stay in closed space. By the way, why don't you travel for sometime? It could relax you a bit.

[willyougotobed]

Hi hadenough. I'm glad you've been getting some help. I'd hate to think of you struggling along with no support. It's good you're feeling a bit better. I've not had any counselling but probably should be, so I don't know much about it. I guess they probably vary hugely as they come from a range of backgrounds and it might be the case of finding a good fit for you.

Would it be worth doing a course or something so that you could work with animals? Dog grooming or animal care technician? Or even just start with some dog walking during the day? Just put some flyers through letter boxes and see if anything comes of it?

My ideal job is sitting in a corner with a particular function and doing it on my own, with occasional interaction with others. I lasted several years in a job I did from home. It was admin with occasional phone calls/emails. I'm having to look for work now and really can't see anything I think I'll cope with well.

[pamelastone]

I suggest you relocate to another location and force yourself to stay outside home. Perhaps you can take a bartender job for a while. You'll get a chance to interact with people. It takes time to get out of it. But the more you don't take action, the more the issue will solidify and you will stay like this always. Its good that you are aware of it. Its the first step. I am sure with little bit of persistence you'll overcome the social anxiety.