Marriage breakdown and depression

[Kindnessrules]

Hi warning long post....
I gave birth to my second child 5months ago and since then life has been upside down. When my baby was 10days old my husband (partner of 16years) came to me and said he wasn’t sure he was in love with me anymore, it was clear he was really unwell he was crying and not making much sense. The next day he was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and was put on 20mg citalopram for 2 weeks he was a complete mess he couldn’t play with our toddler or bond with our baby, after 2 weeks he started to get a little better but then he came home one day and told me he had cheated on me while I was pregnant! It was only a kiss but he had been confiding in this women as for a few months he had been feeling low and felt he could not tell me as I was pregnant and suffering with prenatal depression. This other women also knew this but clearly didn’t give a shit!!! And still doesn’t!!
We decided we would work through it but he needed a bit of space so moved to his dads for the next 2 weeks we spoke a lot and he said he wanted to be with me and the kids and sort stuff out but things had to change I agreed. Then it was like as soon as the citalopram had started to take effect he lost any feelings for me at all he became even more distant. Then a couple of months passed and I found out he was still in contact with this other women. I made him make a decision me or her he chose her. But that’s the thing they arnt together they still talk and occasionally meet up briefly it’s not a relationship. We have started couples counselling and he has said he doesn’t know what he wants or thinks anymore??
I love him so much and hope that we can sort things out. I am so lonely and depressed from all this and I am having to look after our toddler and baby by myself he does help everyday almost but it’s not the same as him living at home, life is very hard.
I just want to know if anyone has been in a similar situation and how things worked out for you?

[Poshindevon]

You think it is not a sexual relationship between your husband and other woman because DH said so.
I would not believe him.
Have you contacted or spoken to this other woman ? I would have told the bitch in no uncertain terms to back off. She is a home wrecker. Was she considering you and your children when she and your DH were having their rendevous
Is she married or single.? If she is married talk to her husband / partner. You need this woman out of your life. All the best xx

[Kindnessrules]

I know it’s not sexual so far. I have contacted her she said “I can’t help the way I feel about him and I know he can’t help the way he feels about me” I swear I could of killed her if I’d seen her. Also she made lots of clothes for my unborn child and I dressed him in them before he told me what had happened. Her marriage has also broken down. I think they are blind to real life what they think they like about each other isn’t real they don’t have the stresses of children together etc. She has 2 kids which my husband teaches!
He says he doesn’t know how he feels about anything. He was recently very ill in hospital and it was me that has been taking care of him not her. It’s all such a mess she will not back down. I’m pinning all my hopes on the counselling helping but I feel that the antidepressants are stopping him from having feelings for either her or me. Aghhhh it’s such a mess .

[nafflikethat]

So sorry you are going through this 💐

Mumsnet is full of stories of men going off with OWs when a second child comes along, and often with the first! But after 14 years of waiting to start family why would you ever think this would happen? He must be very selfish.

As for this OW, she will live to regret it I’m sure. She is taking on a man with MH issues who has left his wife and two infant children. Nobody will have any respect for her. She must be desperate.

I hope in time you are able to set boundaries in this arrangement and take back control, even though it will be hard to adjust to him not feeling the same about you, ultimately you will get angry and find the strength to make a life without him, because you need to have self respect for the sake of your little ones. I wish you luck and lots of strength.