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How to come to terms with regrets

(9 Posts)
NooNooHead1981 Wed 08-Nov-17 14:16:31

I regret my mental breakdown two years ago, and taking some antipsychotic medication that gave me a drug-induced movement disorder which is permanent, disfiguring and annoying. I regret not taking Citalopram as I was originally offered, before the antipsychotic. I regret seeing a GP who prescribed a drug that she shouldn't have, and me putting my trust in her. I regret having a head injury that was avoidable and started the whole downward spiral into anxiety and insomnia.

I regret these things are now having an impact on me looking for employment, and my self-esteem, and feeling inadequate, more self-conscious than I probably should, and lacking any confidence in my cognitive skills and abilities since feeling 'slowed down' and dim after my head injury.

How do I come to terms with all this and move on? I am feeling more confident that I will probably be ok in the short-term, but the relentless job search and lack of success is getting me down a bit, as is the anxiety about doing job interviews and looking 'normal' with my involuntary movements.

I am really trying to be strong as I need to move forwards for the sake of my mental health, family etc. I have had CBT and seen a psychologist, both of which were v helpful. I wish I could just stop analysing what happened and put the past behind me for the sake of my present and future happiness.

Bella8 Wed 08-Nov-17 14:40:36

Hello, the head injury/subsequent mental breakdown was out of your control and you weren't to know the medication that you needed would cause some involuntary side effects. If this medication wasn't quite right for you than you weren't to know this either and any medication taken can have unwanted effects however small the risk. You did the right thing for your health at that time so please don't regret it. So many people don't get the help that they need and you did which is to be applauded and certainly not regretted.

If you go to a job interview and the employers judge you for something you cannot control than that is shame on them and somewhere I wouldn't want to work. They should judge you on your merit and personality and nothing more and if they don't it is not a place you want to be. Hold your head up high. Think of everything you have been through and you have survived it and came out the other side stronger. You're worth it.

Bella8 Wed 08-Nov-17 14:42:07

Oh and your past had made you even stronger and even more equipped to deal with any job out there! Can somebody who has been through nothing do the job better than you?? Of course not.

Bella8 Wed 08-Nov-17 14:42:13


NooNooHead1981 Wed 08-Nov-17 14:55:57

Thank you so much for your reply, you have made me feel a million times better. I am a bit teary-eyed at how lovely you have been Bella8 - thank you! flowers

I hope that everyone I meet is as nice and non-judgemental as you. The world would be such a better place. grin

Bella8 Wed 08-Nov-17 15:09:48

You are very welcome NooNooHead1981. I'm so pleased I've made you feel a little better. I just read your thread and had to respond because I feel so strongly that life experience/what we go through makes us stronger and difference should be celebrated not frowned upon. Those that judge will never understand and those that understand will never judge. What a boring world it would be if we were all the same! I sometimes think we are the toughest critics of ourselves when in general people are far too preoccupied with themselves to even notice. I also think it can be a cruel world at times but there are still a lot of nice people within it. The job market is incredibly tough; I'm currently on maternity leave with an 8 month old and don't know how I'll find things when I have to reapply. I wholeheartedly admire you for not giving up and applying. This shows your strength of character. Any job would be lucky to have you. And remember if you don't get the interview than they haven't had the privilege of meeting you and if you do get the interview and you don't get the job than it's truly their loss. You will get something soon and when you do you will know you deserve it and will be a great asset. x

NooNooHead Wed 08-Nov-17 15:55:23

Thank you Bella8 for such a lovely reply and response. smile You sound like a wonderful mummy, your baby is very lucky to have such a caring and thoughtful mum! Is it your first baby? I’m currently 7w3d pregnant with my 2nd and praying this is going to be ok. I had an ectopic and surgery in March, and my poor DB passed away from bowel cancer in August too so this year has been especially tough.sad

I will hold my head up high and keep your advice in mind when job hunting and going for interviews. Thank you for giving my confidence such a boost! ✨

Bella8 Wed 08-Nov-17 18:00:14

Awww NooNooHead you sound like a lovely person. Thank you so much for your extremely kind words. You have been through so much, oh my I am so sorry for the absolutely distressing time you have had. You poor thing, the world needs to give you a serious break huni as you truly deserve one! I would be an absolute wreck if I was in your situation and I am absolutely in ore of your sheer determination. You are a much stronger woman than I am! I feel so sorry that you're in the situation you're in and have to find work at this very trying time. So sorry for all your loss, things must have been incredibly difficult. Congratulations on your pregnancy and I know nothing can ever make up for your loss but your beautiful baby is a blessing and you will make an incredible Mummy. Yes DS is my first, I love him to bits he's my world and they grow up so fast, seems like a minute ago I was pregnant. You will hold your baby, look into his/her eyes and in that wonderful moment all of the bad will just melt away and you'll feel pure euphoria and a love like never before. You will know it was all worth it and you won't want to be anywhere else.

pamelastone Thu 09-Nov-17 19:08:41

The problem with regret is the more you regret, the more you will attract circumstances that will make you regret. The best way for your to over come your regret is to think about a positive future and focus on present. You need to push yourself to do this initially if needed.

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