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Constantly anxious after abortion

(7 Posts)
Changedname575346555 Fri 03-Nov-17 22:05:39

I had an abortion back in January and it's still affecting my life every single day. I've never wanted kids and when I found out I was pregnant I was immediately 100% certain I wanted an abortion. It was just before Christmas and so I had to wait 3 and a half weeks for the appointment. During that time I stopped being repulsed by the idea of being pregnant and started caring about it, but by that time I felt like I was too far along the road to abortion. The dad (a friend of mine) didn't want to keep it, I knew I'd never wanted kids and I just felt numb and went through with it without really thinking.

For months after that I regretted it so much, cried every day, and just generally like I was dazed, the feelings took me totally by surprise, I didn't think it would affect me. I still think about it now every day and regret it a bit, but not with the same intensity and I don't really cry about it any more. I do think about what I'd have been doing today if I'd decided to keep it all the time though.

Anyway, the depression and regret seems to have mostly lifted, but I seem to have been left with dreadful anxiety, which I didn't have before. I feel churned up and nervous all the time and the tiniest little thing which would've been like water off a duck's back this time last year has me worrying for ages. I feel terrified, like there's a sense of doom, almost constantly and I don't know how to get rid of it. Has anyone had similar anxiety after an abortion and did it ever go away? I hate how much it's changing me.

StealthPolarBear Fri 03-Nov-17 22:07:36

I'm sorry sad can you see your GP? There are many things that they can do to help with anxiety.
Also are you getting support from your family or the friend?

Changedname575346555 Fri 03-Nov-17 23:39:27

Thank you for your reply. I feel silly going to the GP, she suggested counselling before the abortion but at the time I saw her, right at the beginning of the of the 3 1/2 weeks, I was sure I wanted an abortion and actually quite insulted at the suggestion I didn't know my own mind. She also spent the entire appointment speaking about 'minimising harm to the unborn baby' hmm

No, none of my family know about it and the friend doesn't like to talk about it. A couple of my friends are aware and sympathetic but there's nothing really they can do.

MrsBonato Fri 03-Nov-17 23:54:36

For whatever reason i cannot change my name but here goes anyway.

I had an abortion too, 5 years ago. Many reasons. I also had to wait, I'd seen the consultant at the hospital and he wouldn't agree to the proceedure and said I needed more time to think, that was horrendous. A few weeks later he agreed and although I felt certain it was what was best, I cried all the way to the theatre and whilst they were putting me under anaesthetic. I felt the same anxiety after, I cried every day, I even sat on the floor screaming 'i want you back'.

I have a son now, that if anything made it harder, I became paranoid something would happen to him as a punishment for what I did. It got pretty dark in my mind.

Please, contact arch trust (abortion recovery care helpline) they are fantastic and I wouldn't be where I am today without them. Also please feel free to message me.

Take care flowers

chocolatestrawberries Sun 05-Nov-17 09:59:18

I too had an abortion. I was too young and in a really bad relationship. I loved the child that never was to be and a secret part of me always will.
It's hard but it does get easier. Just keep a secret bit of your heart and it will get easier over time.i found it helps to remember the reasons you did it and when you do amazing things in your life as you will (as in normal people's amazing rather than superhuman unless you're like that), focus on how the choice meant you could do that rather than the age of the child if they had come into the world.

Topaz89 Sun 05-Nov-17 10:41:42

Hi op, I'm going through the same thing. The abortion I had was very recent (a week ago) and it feels like a long road ahead.
I just wanted to give you a hand to hold, because I know the pain you have been through.

Changedname575346555 Sun 05-Nov-17 12:22:03

Thank you so much for your replies. Mrs that screaming 'I want you back' is exactly what I did for months. I still feel like that but not as intensely. I've never heard of arch trust, I'll have a look, thanks.

chocolate and Topaz sorry you're going through similar. My friends tell me to focus on the reasons why I did it too, but I literally had no reason except for that I didn't want a child. I'm not that young, I had money, a house, supportive family, the dad wouldn't have turned his back. There was nothing stopping me.

I was away with friends this weekend and the anxiety eases, but when I'm home and sober the anxiety comes back again.

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