I feel like ending it all i can't take it anymore

[ImDazedandConfused]

Ex left me 9 years ago for one of the girls he cheated with. She tormented and harassed me, demanded he had nothing to do with our DS and he basically didn't until 2 years ago.

He constantly lies to me. Him, his mum and sister always gaslight me. I'm soo hurt and upset because i saw pictures he put up of his family (he recently had 2 kids with her) and its like he never cared about us. He hardly sees DS and when he came on Saturday he said he'd see him this week but then gave me an excuse as to why he can't, yet he'd turn up quickly if i was to allow him to spend time with me. Over the years he's claimed to love me, have made a mistake, regretted it all and wanted me back but he hurt me soo much and lied to me i couldn't trust or be with him again.

Between 2014-16 we had zero contact and it was the happiest period in my life. I worked so hard to get myself back as he really destroyed my confidence and self esteem which is at zero again . I only recently saved his number and thats how i saw the pics on whatsapp. I'm soo hurt, I'm starting to feel like I'm never good enough, i never meant anything to him and she is so much better than me. His mum claims he's unhappy etc but really who'd stay if so unhappy, he makes it out like hes unhappy too but he lies soo much i can't believe him.

Im 31 and this has been going on since i was 22! I've been terrified to date again and remained single. I feel like he's ruined my life, I'll never have a family unit even with someone else because im not good enough and fear they will leave me for someone else too. How cruel our 2nd child i lost on which is now the day of his first child with her birthday! Im sure he doesn't care or remember and i won't bring it up as i don't want to ruin the LO birthday its unfair as LO is innocent and my DS sibling - even though they never see each other as the mum wont allow it. You'd think i was the OW the way she behaves!

DS is 13 and has a mobile for their own contact but ex will contact and bother me instead. I had to move 7 years ago because he kept turning up at my place and even my neighbour's and my mums looking for me! I feel cursed like I'm just destined to be miserable while they live happily ever after. I can't see a way out other than ending my life. I've tried counselling, antidepressants, going NC etc NOTHING WORKS! I'm crying and it shouldn't be this way. I'm just fed up! I leave my ex to his life, i don't interfere, i allowed him to reduce CM as he claims he's struggling - this even after his mum verbally abused me.

[Myheartbelongsto]

Op, you are so important to the people that love you. Please do not do anything to end your life x

[Reflexella]

You need to reduce your emotional connection with this guy (& his mother.)

Block or keep contact to practical issues only.

He isn’t going to change and don’t waste anymore time on the end of one of his strings.

Build up your self esteem - get out with friends, take up something new.

Just leave him far behind. You won’t meet anyone new whilst hoping he’ll change & come back to you.

[ChickenMom]

I can't read and run. Do not do it. Your child needs you. Even if you have to move to the wilds of Scotland and go totally off grid and NC then do that! This man is playing you. You say you tried NC but you've still got contact. Go total NC. Block his number. Delete all of your social media accounts. You can do this. Please consider calling the samaritans for help. xxxxx

[ImDazedandConfused]

See that's the thing that bothers me i acutally don't want him back at all but it just hurts i got treated so badly yet she benefits from all i suffered from even though she in turns treats him badly. My DS wouldn't care if i die, he's rude to me (i know people will say its a teen thing but i see alot of his dad in him) and it really hurts me. I'm not in a position to move far away. I blocked him today and changed my number from him and his mum a few months ago, i haven't given his mum my number but he obviously has it.

Apparently i used to be beautiful but i never saw it as ex constantly put me down and emotionally abused me when together. 7 years ago i gained 6 stones in a year and have PCOS, lost my looks and this condition just makes everything worse for me. My family don't care, they all love my ex (i never told them why our relationship ended).

[Lovemenoooooww]

Do you know what the best revenge is? Living a successful life. So you must start to do that, first by changing your thinking habits. It’s hard but it’s the only way for you to get out of your rut.

[Reflexella]

Your son would care. He’s got an epic turd of a father so he needs you.

If a friend was going through this what would you advise?

You need to start being your own best friend & stop being so mean to yourself.

Emotional distance from this person will be the first step in getting your life back

[jeaux90]

Kids lash out at those they love and who love them because they feel safe to do so.

You are the only person who loves him without condition.

Please don't do anything silly, life is really never that bad that you can't make it better.

You should have no contact with your ex. Block him and I think you would benefit from some counselling. Gentle exercise like swimming really helps when your mental health is suffering I have found from personal experience.

As a single mum, I understand the pressure. One day at a time and try not to sweat the small stuff, pick your battles with your son. Tell him how it makes you feel when he shouts at you xxx

[SophieLMumsnet]

Hi OP,

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We're just going to move this over to our Mental Health topic.

Sorry for hijacking your thread, ImDazedandConfused, and we really hope things start to look up for you soon.