Happy to hand hold. Is this something you’ve had before? You are definitely NOT wasting anyone’s time, you wouldn't be feeling like that if you had a physical illness and mental health is just as important.
Well done for going to A&E, you are in the right place. Also well done for recognising you needed to go there. DHs psychosis is pretty much always characterised by him being adamant there is nothing wrong with him.
This was me 7 months ago, completely understand the wasting everyone’s times. It’s sad that nobody took me seriously until I had a urine sample taken for unrelated reasons and an a and e triage nurse told me I was pregnant. Only then did I feel like my mental health concerns were valid.
Hi everyone, thank you so much for your kind kind words and handholds. And to anyone who has also suffered and survived through similar. Thought I would update.
I was seen by the Emergency Psychiatrist who was very keen not to admit me and formulated a discharge plan. I am actually a uni student, so the Community MH team won't get involved as I am able to access uni support services.
I am now back in my halls, haven't been to any lectures or anything for a few days. Mostly been sleeping and trying to recover. There are still some suicidal thoughts, mainly because of the crushing sense of shame and guilt I feel right now - the nature of my visit on Tuesday night involved alcohol and drugs, which is not a regular thing for me but a coping mechanism I have stupidly relied on from time to time. Luckily I am medically fit but I am so so ashamed. I was never like this before and never meant to be - I was always a 'good' child and mostly a good teen. This isn't the first time I've had to go to hospital, the last time being nearly three years ago when I tried to take my life. I was then made to take a year out by my uni, which was hell on earth. I was estranged from my parents, ended up in huge debt living away from them and involved in an extremely abusive relationship. Luckily he has moved abroad now but I never got any help, and the effects are ongoing. I have also suffered emotional abuse from my mum from a young age, have a SN younger sibling, and have been repeatedly sexually abused throughout my life. Despite this I am outwardly very successful - achieved good grades, go to an excellent uni, good extracurriculars, outgoing with plenty of friends. But all I can think of is the pain, like a crushing weight, that I'm scared will never ever leave me. I feel like I walk around with a mask on 99% of the time, so when I crack, it is disastrous. Everything breaks and it all comes spilling out in the most unhealthy ways. I have had glimmers of happiness, but every time I thought I've broken through, something happens and I'm back to square one.
I've heard all the sayings like 'you can't control what happens to you, but what happens inside you' and I have tried, I really have, to find coping strategies and inner peace and whatever, and I don't want to sound like a petulant teenager, but so much has happened to me, and continues to happen, that I can't see a way forward.
I'm sorry for my extremely long and self-indulgent post! I'm just wallowing. I could have prevented what happened on Tuesday night. I could have stopped and taken myself home and cried in bed like I normally do. I have let everyone down.
Rubbish! You haven't let anyone down. You sought help when you needed it. That's a good thing. You sound so self aware and strong. I'm so sorry you have had so much to contend with. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You're not wallowing. You need support. Things can get better. There is a way forward but you may need help to find it. Take care OP.
Psychosis is an illness its not your fault. A huge percentage of people with psychosis use drugs and/or alcohol as a coping mechanism its well documented and recognised in mental health services. Psychosis needs specialist treatment not just your unis student services. Find out if there is an early intervention in psychosis team in the area as you may be able to self refer. If you are feeling up to it the NICE guidelines for psychosis and schizophrenia detail what support you should be recieving. You could also speak to Mind or Rethink mental health charities for advice you may be eligable for support from a mental health act advocate to help you navigate the mental health services and get the support you need.