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Not sure how to phrase this question re anorexia

(4 Posts)
SquashedToes Tue 17-Oct-17 01:59:31

I'm just at the start of a journey with teen DD who I think shows signs of eating disorder.

It seems to have manifested since her friend was diagnosed with very serious anorexia about 6 months ago, may not be linked, but I can't help but think because DD has seen it several times now, it has almost ''normalized'' it. I think I am afraid to acknowledge it because I have this idea that doing so will make it real and will make food more of an issue.

I remember in my late teens I stacked on some weight and went through a short period of eating badly then making myself sick. After a few months I realised I needed to get a grip and did so. I can't hep but feel if my DM had asked me about it I would have made it ''real'' and made myself a lot worse with the guilt of everyone hovering over me.

I suppose what I am asking, is by acknowledging dd's eating disorder are we making it ''ok'' for her to make an issue about food? For now, she eats what is on her plate at home (I don't know what she actually eats at school) and I know she isn't vomiting afterwards, so I know she is getting some basic healthy food. I'm scared by acknowledging it she will think it's ok to refuse and it will quickly spiral.

btw the GP is on to it and she has counselling sessions in place (under the umbrella of self-esteem), DD asked for the counselling for feeling extremely self conscious and I think she does want to talk about her food issues by something she hinted to me last week.

Sorry having re read this post I can see it's all over the place - a bit like me! I think I need a hand hold!

Minimoan Tue 17-Oct-17 02:12:01

This forum for parents (for families with children/young people with eating disorders) could be very helpful if you post there?

www.aroundthedinnertable.org/

dangermouseisace Tue 17-Oct-17 10:26:30

I don't think you are making it 'ok' by mentioning disordered eating.

If my parents had actually noticed anything at all maybe I wouldn't have ended up being in such a state (hospital stays etc). I can't tell what your daughter is thinking but this is what family saying nothing made me think, as time went on:
1. I must look fat if no one has noticed I'm not eating.
2. They don't give a shit, no-one cares about me, I feel pretty crap but I don't feel I can eat now as I'll get fat again. I wish I could stop this, I'm scared.
3. Hahahahahaha I can get away with this, everything else seems much more bearable now that I'm not eating, this is the way forwards.

....and then when someone does finally say something when the person is basically a skeleton
4. Why do you care now? Fuck off, I don't need your 'help' there is nothing wrong with me!

If you think she's too thin, or worry she's not eating, or acting funny around food say it.

I think anorexic behaviour can be kind of contagious. I picked up some behaviours from an anorexic colleague that came into use when I started (unconsciously at first) to not eat. When I was in a unit we used to share tips for hiding food/cheating weight/not eating more frequently than we shared tips for putting on weight/staying well. When I made the decision to get better I had to step away from some of my friends. Awful, but true.

SquashedToes Thu 19-Oct-17 04:00:22

Thanks both. An interesting point dangermouse
I've registered on that forum, thanks for suggesting minimoan. I'll try to figure out what it is I'm asking and make a more coherent post there!

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