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I think DH is suffering mild depression

(6 Posts)
catsanddogsfightless Thu 12-Oct-17 17:49:22

I can't really put my finger on it but signs are making me think he might be depressed.

I suggested he visit his GP to discuss his feelings and behaviour lately. He said no he does not believe he is depressed.

I suggested he approach his employer's Occupational Health department. He said no because then 'I'd lose my job because they would make me take pills'.

These contradictory remarks make me think he knows there is a mental health issue but he is not ready to address it.

I have asked DH to talk to me about how he is feeling. He said he doesn't know how he feels and thinks I am unapproachable

WWYD?

catsanddogsfightless Mon 16-Oct-17 13:46:45

Hi!
Can anyone help me please?
Does my DH have depression? He's a shadow of his former personality and says it is my doing because I in his words 'put him down and belittle him'. I apparently undermine him and his achievements. I apparently seek sympathy from my family because in his words 'don't really like him and they all take my side'.

DH is not speaking to me for weeks and weeks this time around. I can't live like this any longer. Am I being unreasonable if I (for my own well being) separate from him because he is sticking his head in the sand and making out his angst and feelings are all my fault?

Wordsmith Mon 16-Oct-17 23:51:16

Hi catsanddogs. Yes that does sound very much like depression. But speaking from experience the only person who can help your husband is himself. I have been asking my husband for years to get some sort of therapy, and he's just started seeing someone, but it's early days. He's been on antidepressants for several years and has recently been told he may have angina and need statins, which has made him even more depressed.

Whatever you say and do will feel like fighting against a brick wall sometimes. Living with someone with depression is really hard. Every silver lining has a cloud, is the way I'd describe it. The black dog is never very far away.

Wordsmith Mon 16-Oct-17 23:54:58

As for what do you do- do you have children? Are others depending on you to keep together? If I didn't hVe dependent children and a mortgage (and was the main breadwinner I honestly don't think I'd still be here.

CurlyhairedAssassin Mon 16-Oct-17 23:55:17

I’m not sure people with depression blame everything on someone else. That just sounds cruel and borderline abusive.

I’ve had depression myself. I blamed situations etc and maybe was snappy sometimes with DH but I never blamed HIM for anything. I certainly didn’t stop talking to him for weeks. I needed him.

I know everyone experiences depression differently. But this sounds a bit strange.

Snehavaria2567 Thu 19-Oct-17 16:35:44

Many people with mental health issues simply want to be listened to, respected for their beliefs, concerns and opinions without judgement. They also know that you can't solve their problems. Just be there when they need you, if you can - listen, hug, smile and show that you care. Offer opinions but only when asked. Once you create an environment that's good for dialogue and discussion, you may find that your DH/DW are far more receptive to your thoughts, ideas and concerns.
It's a tough journey and few people will blame you if you decide to call it a day. I hope you'll give it a try and spread some love. You never know - listening without thinking of what you want to say in response, no interrupting ad genuine interest in each other may rekindle your relationship. Good luck.

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