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How do you tell someone that you are self harming?

(9 Posts)
AmberCurtain Sun 08-Oct-17 18:09:30

I'd really like to tell my boyfriend....I'm don't like keeping things from him and I've lied on quite a few occasions about cuts I've had......that the cat had scratched me or I'd had an accident trimming the roses......deep down I think he might know.

Yesterday I was at his flat and was feeling like I couldn't cope and I did it there......I've never done it outside of my house before and they were worst cuts I've given myself.

I feel like it's getting worse.....no body knows and I know I can't stop myself but I think if I tell him then when I feel the urge to do it in future I can talj to him. I know I need professional help but I'm not at a place where I can do that right now.
I never do it with the intention of killing myself.....it's just a release from everything going on that I can't cope with.

ladyface69 Sun 08-Oct-17 19:49:13

Hey Amber
Set up a place where you can tell them calmly, maybe prepare what you'd like to say so that you don't get mixed up if you get anxious?

What would you like your boyfriend to do about your self-harm if he did know?

AmberCurtain Mon 09-Oct-17 09:40:50

I'm not sure if I want him to do anything.....I just find the lying a massive burdon.....but then I feel guilty that in order to alleviate my own problem I have now put this on him.
I'm worried that he is going to be angry with me or blame himself......the more I think about it the more I worry that I'm being selfish by telling him. He's not going to gain anything from knowing and is most likely going to worry about me......I don't know if I should tell him now.

I felt so sure yesterday but now I feel like I'm being selfish.

AmberCurtain Sun 15-Oct-17 14:19:26

so he saw the marks on my arms and said to me......"if those are self inflicted then I'm gone. I'm not going through that again." (his ex used to cut herself)

I lied and told him that the cat had scratched me......she's quite agressive so it's believable.

Just feel upset and more alone than ever.

Pandoraphile Sun 15-Oct-17 14:24:24

Sadly, Amber, I was coming along to say - beware, lots of men can't deal with it.

I'd assume no support at all from him, keep lying and set about trying to solve the problem alone.

I have a similar problem so I know exactly how you feel. X

AmberCurtain Sun 15-Oct-17 14:45:37

I feel so let down by him.

i haven't done it in front of him. ive kept my arms covered. I didn't expect him to be happy about it but I thought he at least show a bit of concern and care.

AmberCurtain Mon 16-Oct-17 00:46:22

I can't sleep thinking about this.

I'm beginning to wonder if our relationship is right......we have been together 4 years. I have been open from the start about my MH issues.

I feel like there is a huge elephant in the room. The kids (pre teens) throw strops when they cant get their own way.

His moods can be awful. Everyone knows about it if he's had a bad day at work/hasn't slept well/is worrying about something etc.......he's like a bear with a sore head. He doesn't say a lot but you can feel the pissy vibes radiating from him.

it's a joyus mixing pot when both he and the kids are in a bad mood.....I just have to put on my happy face and pretend everything is ok. It's like I'm not allowed to be in a bad mood. I keep this happy persona and eventually everyone else snaps out of their moods. I suppress all my bad feelings to keep everyone else happy and all the while underneath I'm screaming.

When all goes quiet and everyone is asleep I can't take it any more. All those supressed feelings become completely overwhelming and the only way I can deal with them I'd to cut myself. My anxiety and depression combined are such a huge burden. I also have a long term healt condition which can really get me down. I've been diagnosed by the NHS and basically left to deal with it.

My daughters behaviour has taken a massive nose dive recently and I feel like my.boyfriend has taken a huge step back from the relationship- not good for my dd as they are incredibly close. Up until this point he has been a dad to my kids. he can be very protective of them. He stayed over last night. Yesterday afternoon was awful.....my daughter had a huge melt down as we were shopping and we had to come home. He got a glimpse of what I'm subject to on a daily basis......she physically attacks me.....she does it in public and even worse at home. it's like being in an abusive relationship but I can't leave and the help is coming at a snails pace......the nhs think she has attachment issues from her dad leaving. it's a bloody mess.
Last week I really needed his help. I needed his support and he wasn't there. He chose to stay at his and I was left to be beaten on a daily basis by my daughter and try and hold everything else together. I can't do it. I feel like I'm here purely to facilitate everyone else's needs and mine don't matter.
This is going to sound so stupid but the cutting helped me so much. it always gives me a moment of clarity......I've never taken drugs but I imagine it to be a bit like getting a hit of something. Everything is good for a short while. I do get a come down and feel terribly guilty afterwards.....that's not so great but it's been my only way of coping. Life doesn't stop because I feel like shit.....I still have to go yo work and do the dishes etc.

I'm not sure what my point is or if anyone will even read this but I needed to write it down.

fantasmasgoria1 Mon 16-Oct-17 20:04:02

I understand how difficult it can be to tell someone about self harm. I did not actually tell my fiancé he just gradually noticed my scars. He asked me and I told him. I said if it’s a deal breaker then we will finish. Luckily he was really good and whilst he had never knowingly encountered anyone who sh he is supportive. He knows in the main about my mental health such as the symptoms and how it affects me. I am unwell currently and not working but he is supporting me. I do everything at home so that he does not have to although when I was in work and when I return he will return to doing his share!

fantasmasgoria1 Mon 16-Oct-17 20:07:48

I posted to soon! It looks like he is not supportive of you and he will find out one way or another. I wonder would you be better off if he were not in your life?!? Only you can truly answer this and I understand it’s a hard decision but it sounds like he is making things worse for you. I can empathise with you and flowers

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