I am in a dark place today :-(

[MozzchopsThirty]

These seem to come round every 4-6 months, dark spells of irritation, really not liking people, paranoia, total exhaustion

Today I feel like I’m at the bottom of a hole, I’m finding it difficult to be with other people and be sociable, I don’t want to go to work next week and honestly dont think I can. I feel like I hate most of them, although I know this is just how I feel right now.

I’m taking sertraline and have been for years, I’m taking stuff to help me sleep

I’m not looking for answers maybe just a hand hold or if anyone experiences similar would be good to know
Thanks

[MozzchopsThirty]

I’m also due to go and report a sexual assault next week.
Two actually, I mean how can one person be assaulted twice??
I feel like they’re going to think I’m lying or a bit of a slut

I make and continue to make hideous relationship choices

[Paperdove87]

I get something like this every once in a while. Feel for you. You are not alone and things will feel better again soon. It normally takes me a fair while to come back to myself again but it does happen eventually and it will for you too.

Feel better!

[Paperdove87]

Sorry just read your second post. How awful for you. You will be believed.

[BroomHandledMouser]

Oh Mozz

I'm sorry you're feeling so down at the moment. You will be believed like paper said, I know you will.

Try and take each hour at a time. Take a long hot bath, listening to some music or watch a film perhaps.

Get yourself snugged up and be kind to yourself. Everything will be ok, it might not seem like it now but you will come out the other side xx

[MozzchopsThirty]

Thank you for being so lovely.
I don’t feel lovely, what sort of woman gets herself in that situation twice????
I feel like I deserve everything I get

Sorry for the self pity

[Wolfiefan]

You completely and utterly DON'T Deserve to be assaulted. Of course you don't.
What sort of woman? Could be any of us. It's not a sort of woman. No such thing.
You need to be kind to yourself.
I'm in a bit of a weird place myself. Not medicated at the moment and have been ticking along ok. Then someone said something nice to me and I nearly burst into tears. I have decided it's not my fault. It's the time of the year?! That's my story and I shall stick to it.
for you OP.

[bluejelly]

to you. I can relate to some of what you wrote. Have you ever had any counselling? I had just 6 sessions but found it v helpful.

And sadly it’s not uncommon at all to be sexually assaulted more than once. It’s absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

[MozzchopsThirty]

Oh god you’ve made me cry, thank you for being so kind xx

The sexual assault centre are going to offer me counselling.
We also have a self referral service at work so maybe I’ll give it a go

I feel so vulnerable right now and that’s not me, everyone thinks I’m strong, tough, confident and independent I’m a professional woman fgs!
But I’m an absolute mess.
The only bright side is I am becoming more able to recognise those situations I put myself in where I’m open to abuse. And they are seeming like less fun and I’m more wary

[Wolfiefan]

You are strong, tough, confident and independent. You're a professional.
You still are.
You are reacting to a bloody awful situation. You have been treated in a vile way. Of course you feel vulnerable. That doesn't make you less confident, tough, professional or generally kick ass!
Keep yourself safe.

[StealthPolarBear]

"I feel like they’re going to think I’m lying or a bit of a slut"
No! You should be fucking angry that this has happened to you twice. Once is bad, twice is unthinkable. I'm sorry for what you've been through, well done for reporting it. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
If you can't go to work next week see your GP. You are dealing with so much.

[MozzchopsThirty]

I don’t want to go to my GP, it’ll just go on my records that I’m getting crazier with age!!!!

The assaults happened just over a year ago and I’ve done nothing, but the end of the relationship with one of them made me think that I didn’t want it to happen to anyone else
It’s just an anonymous report, I don’t want anything out of it.

I’ve had a hideous week in work, I hope my boss will understand

I feel the need to re-set myself, does that make sense??
And I can’t do that in work

[Wolfiefan]

It's not getting crazier. It's being more unwell.
If you're unwell you need to seek treatment. You need support.

[StealthPolarBear]

How are you doing g op

[MozzchopsThirty]

Thank you for asking, i feel like I’m functioning better today, socially, but I’m still very low, hideously tired despite having 9 hours sleep

I really don’t want to see my gp, I’m not sure what else they can do. I’m already on 150mg of sertraline so there’s not much further to go

[StealthPolarBear]

It seems to me like there must be something they can do but you know better.

[Wolfiefan]

Different pills.
CBT
Lots of things can help. There's no one size fits all magic cure. If bloody only!

[bluejelly]

I find headspace good when things get tough. There’s a good series called kindness, which is all about being kind to yourself.
But don’t be afraid to go back to your gp either. They really have seen it all before! They will not judge.

[bluejelly]

And to you. I also had a bad day yesterday. Felt totally despairing. Things better today. Hope for you too.

[PurpleToeNails]

Hi Mozzchops, I'm wondering if having been through trauma in the past that's had such an impact on you, that predators are picking up on your vulnerability. I want to say that's a reflection on them, not on you. (And there seem to be too many predators around these days.)

[MozzchopsThirty]

Thank you, yes I’m wondering if I give off some sort of scent that attracts these men!

Does anyone think I should tell my boss about reporting my assault this week? I do trust her and know that she’ll be supportive

I’ll see the Gp Wednesday if I haven’t seen any improvement by then.
My plan over the next few days is to exercise and sleep

[StealthPolarBear]

Yes if you think your boss will be supportive.

[MozzchopsThirty]

She knows I suffer with anxiety and ptsd so I think discussing this low point and the reasons for it is probably a good idea

[PurpleToeNails]

Lots of self care sounds a good idea, and sharing what you're going through with people you can trust, if it feels right for you.

[MozzchopsThirty]

Hi in case anyone is interested I reported the two assaults today, anonymously to the police.
The centre were so supportive and kind, they made me feel at ease and that none of it was my fault.

I’ve taken the week off work, and I don’t have the dcs from tomorrow morning to Thursday evening so I’m going to spend lots of time in bed and get lots of sleep

[Wolfiefan]

Fantastic. Well done you. That must've been so hard to do.
It's NOT your fault.
Rest sounds most excellent. Also try and get a bit of gentle exercise and try and get out the house for a short while. Take care.